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Messages - Karen Paul

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Child Loss / Hello
« on: December 14, 2009, 07:21:44 AM »
Hi everyone. I haven't posted in quite a while. Just wanted to let you all know that I still think about you and your kids all the time. And hope that you are finding some peace in your lives and that you feel your children close by you this difficult holiday season. A peaceful Chanukah and Christmas to all.

Been missing my nephew Chris so much lately. He would have turned 23 yrs old December 1. Gosh it is so hard to imagine how grown up he would be now. He was almost 17 when he died six years ago. In general I've done much better in this sixth year, but this season always makes me sad. I'm sure it is partially because Chris died in November and his birthday and death date are all wrapped up in the holiday season of Thanksgiving and Christmas. But I just miss his presence in our family so so much. He was our only- only nephew for me and Keith (on my side of the family)- only son of my only sibling, Brian - only grandchild of my parents.

And every now and then that sharp pain of grief strikes again and I realize once more that we all have a lifetime to live without him here to share it with. I have a friend in Buffalo, who's 2 older girls were in a hit and run on Nov 30- driver came through a red light and hit them and took off- has not been caught- I think this brought back all those feelings from when Chris died (from a hit and run)- my friend's children will be ok thank heavens- but it did bring all those suppressed feelings back to the surface.

I just wanted to come and let you know that i'm still here, just not posting so much. And you are all in my heart always.

luv and hugs, Karen
proud aunt of Christopher

Child Loss / Re: Oh what a day
« on: September 10, 2009, 05:29:54 AM »
Melissa - I'm sorry school shopping is so hard - but understand that empty spot where Charlie should be is just always there- so nice that your other kids think and talk about him freely with you and want things that remind them of him.. that is sweet.

I agree about November- as soon as September hits I feel myself sliding down into darkness - hard dates in the fall combined with the holidays are always just too much and I so wish I could just skip to January.

Big hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: A Rough Week in Buffalo
« on: September 02, 2009, 06:09:07 AM »
tears.. all I have are tears..

hugs, Karen
chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Kennedy funeral
« on: September 02, 2009, 06:06:35 AM »
Hi Rebecca - listening to the things people were saying about Ted Kennedy's compassion for others made sense to me.. he knew what it was like to grieve - he lost two brothers so young - I think his care and compassion for others was born out of his own family's tragedy.

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Jordan's 23rd Birthday
« on: August 28, 2009, 06:16:45 AM »
Tammy - sorry it has taken me so long to write - your Jordan would be the same age as my nephew Chris - who would also be turning 23 this year (Dec. 1).. if he were still here..

I'm sending up very belated Happy Heavenly Birthday to Jordan.. I hope you felt him close by you on his very special day..

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Don (Donny's Dad)
« on: August 27, 2009, 05:46:36 AM »
Hey Don - happy belated birthday - I do hope you are sensing your Donny close by you during this special time..

hugs, Karen

Child Loss / Re: well I am back
« on: August 27, 2009, 05:44:44 AM »
Hi Charles - sorry to hear you were in the hospital, and hope you are recovering well and quickly.. and to have Chad's angel date to deal with also takes so much energy.. know that you and he are in our thoughts..

big hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

« on: August 21, 2009, 05:25:49 AM »
MArtha he looks beautiful and perfect! You'll have to keep us posted on when Karlie meets her new little brother! That will be a precious moment..

hugs, Karen

Child Loss / Re: I'M A NANNIE AGAIN
« on: August 14, 2009, 05:52:59 AM »
Oh Martha - Karson is a wonderful name and he will be such a LOVED little boy - so great that Karlie has a little brother and you have a grandson!

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Do we ever really forget?
« on: August 11, 2009, 05:52:30 AM »
Dena - sorry I wasn't on posting last week - the days leading up to angel dates are so so hard.. and reliving those horrible first moments and days is so frightening and sad.. i hope you were surrounded by family and friends who care during these difficult days and that you feel Josh's love and the peace that he is at now comforting you along the way..

big hugs and lots of love,
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Sad weekend in NY
« on: August 11, 2009, 05:44:13 AM »
Brenda - Thanks my friend- it is good to feel welcome here even after so long..

Paula - yes the Taconic car wreck was just horrible! And not far from my home in upstate NY - and VERY close to my sister-in-law's house down near Chatham.. it is hard to watch news sometimes because of so much loss and sadness - I know the first couple of years after Christopher died I really couldn't watch it at all..

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Sad weekend in NY
« on: August 10, 2009, 06:05:44 AM »
Such a sad weekend in NY with the plane / helicopter collision over the Hudson River. My heart aches for all the families who lost so much so quickly. And 2 teenage boys, one American, one Italian - gone in an instant.. so tragic and sad.. sending prayers out to those who knew and loved them..

Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: A few pictures from our June/July vacation
« on: August 10, 2009, 05:52:34 AM »
Melissa - your family is beautiful - thank you for sharing!

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Back home
« on: July 14, 2009, 06:03:07 AM »
Hey Melissa - sounds like an adventure for sure - it's got to stop raining soon doesn't it?! It sounds like you guys have a wonderful time wherever you go, because you are all together, including Charlie - and that is the most important and precious thing..

We will be off to Martha's Vineyard with a group of friends next week - my brother and his wife will come too - we always write Chris' name in the sand as we walk - and tell him we miss him so.

Thank you for sharing your journey - Charlie was there with you all I'm sure of it.. showing the little ones the joy of waves and sanddollars..

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

Child Loss / Re: Wondering About
« on: July 14, 2009, 05:54:28 AM »
Rebecca - I know I have not been posting a much as I used to for sure - I think for me it is a combination of reasons..

Being an aunt and not a parent, my journey is different, and though I love my nephew with all my heart and miss him every day - it is not the same longing you parents have I'm sure of that - I agree with Jeanne that my grief has become more private as time goes by - somehow it has gone deeper within me, not so much on the surface or something.

I come and read - but perhaps I don't feel like my thoughts are as helpful or relevant to others as they were in the beginning of my grief - my daily sadness has eased with time, though I think of Chris every day and always will, it is different - sometimes around tough days or times of the year I will reach out and everyone here has always been so kind to let me come and share whenever i need to, which is part of what keeps me coming back - that ability to share when need arises - and be quiet when need arises.

I still read almost every day - just find more I am without proper words - I feel like I've run out of them sometimes because nothing seems adequate.

But I still cherish you all and especially those of you who have heard my stories of Christopher and have shared your children with me..

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt

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