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Topics - Brenda Taylors Mom

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Child Loss / Taylor
« on: October 06, 2011, 09:17:04 PM »
Thank you Terry for the beautiful post of all our children's angel and birth dates.  I just find myself sighing heavily this time of year. I think only us parents know that everyday the pain lurks but on our children's birthday and angel day our hearts are heavy and our mind in a fog of memories.  Tomorrow we will send up balloons and Saturday we are having a tree planted in the park in memory of Taylor.  It's called project 52 and they bring a red maple and do the whole ceremony, really nice of them, and glad I don't have to feel like I have to plan something. Too weary.

Taylor, I love you, you are my heart. I miss you a lot, 7 years , too long for you to still be gone. There are things I can't put into words that my heart feels for you. How very different life would be if you were here. We would be complete. Someday buddy, Ill be there ... I promise.. till then...

I love all of our children

Child Loss / To Taylor on your birthday tomorrow the 23rd
« on: April 22, 2011, 06:09:52 PM »
Taylor how I wish you were here. My heart sometimes feels like it can't stand the longing and aching anymore, and yet I'm still here. You would have been 21 tomorrow :(  So much time has gone by, 6 1/2 yrs now and your as much a part of my life as when you were really here. I ache all over for you... I Love you bigger than the sky; remember I used to say that to you all the time? Now I say it to Tristin and Emily... the world was a better place with you in it. I hope there is a huge celebration for you in heaven. The tears just run down my face as I sit here and ache for you. Send me a sign please buddy. Love forever. Mom

Child Loss / My sister
« on: March 17, 2011, 03:18:54 PM »
My sister Joyce died last week. Her funeral was Friday. I'm beyond sad. I am the youngest of ten children, she was right next to me in age, two years apart.

Child Loss / A good memory of 4th of July
« on: July 04, 2010, 12:41:06 PM »
I picked out a memory that I'm going to hold onto through this holiday. Me and Taylor and his dad went down to Missouri to get fireworks (they aren't legal in Ia.) but we got some to take out in the country and let off for Tay. Well on the way back, we decided to find a country road and let off a pretty one. His dad stood way back and Tay and I were watching ( Taylor was around 3 years old) he was so excited. It went off and I was ooooing and ahhhing and I looked around and didn't see Tay. His dad came running and we're yelling Taylor where are you.. wlooked in a little grassy ditch and saw only little feet sticking up he was yelling help help it had scared him but he wasn't hurt at all.... between the excitment and noise he went down... Oh I still smile and laugh thinking of that little sweety with those little tennis shoes up in the air :) When we grabbed him up he said wets do it again...:)
Anyone want to share a good memory ??
Love you all

Child Loss / Annie
« on: June 06, 2010, 02:58:29 PM »
Dearest sweet Annie, you are in my thoughts and prayers as the day of the 7th comes up on Dan's angel date. I love you. I will light Taylor's memorial candle in memory of your precious handsome funny happy boy.

Child Loss / Today
« on: June 04, 2010, 11:37:03 AM »
Today is my nephew Joseph's birthday. He was 21 and would have been 24. I love you Joe and happy birthday in heaven, there is a huge celebration going on and you and Taylor and Caleb and all our kids here are all together. Love, Aunt Brenda

Child Loss / Today is your birthday Taylor
« on: April 22, 2010, 10:46:58 PM »
Taylor, you would have been 20 years old today. Happy heavenly birthday, I hope there is a huge celebration with all our kids here.
Tay, taterbug, Tate, Mr. T.A. Lewis, big tough guy, my wittle tiny guy
I was so excited when I found out I was having you; I dont think my feet touched the earth the whole time I was pregnant.  Then I held you, oh how perfect you were, so small so soft and you looked right at me we just stared at each other, I fell in love.  When you started walking Id hold your hand everywhere and people always had to stop and say how adorable ,, yep,, proud mama for sure 
When I brought you home a lot of people kept holding you and passing you around and I stood up and cried and said give him to me hes not a puppy.. everyone thought I was funny crazy and yes I was.. crazy in love with you.
You brought more love and happiness to my life than I ever thought possible and I love you more with every passing day. Our bond will never ever be broken.  Thank you Taylor for choosing me to be your mom, its an honor .
Happy birthday my beautiful happy funny son. I LOVE YOU
Love Mom

Child Loss / What do you say?
« on: April 21, 2010, 04:01:08 PM »
Taylor's birthday is coming up Friday. My sister called me saying she was praying for me etc etc, well then came the thing I hate to hear the most. If one of my kids died, I'd die. How do you answer that????? It makes me so mad. Like what would you do different???? You don't physically die when your child dies, what would you all say to her  when she says that? I've told her that bothers me but she still says it !!!!!!!!!!! EWWWW I'm so frustrated.

Child Loss / Tomorrow April 5th Caleb's birthday
« on: April 04, 2010, 12:21:23 PM »
Tomorrow is Caleb's birthday. Taylor's best friend. They both were born in April and died together. I miss you Caleb, you were such a compassionate, wonderful boy. I loved that you spent so much time with us at our house, you were like another son to me. Yours and Taylor's faces would just light up when you were together, nothing could separate you two.
Caleb  is the boy in the picture with Taylor.

Child Loss / All of you
« on: February 08, 2010, 07:01:55 AM »
To everyone here. I want you all to know that you are all my heroes. Good, bad, sad, mad, I love you all, I know I am loved here and you've all been my life raft in an ocean of tears. I want you all to know through the last 5 years how much you've helped me. I love you all

Child Loss / Time
« on: January 27, 2010, 01:07:08 PM »
Wow, it's not even February and I feel Taylor's birthday quickly coming up in April. So weepy. I hate this, I know it will probably always be this way, but I hate it. He would have been 20 years old !! Lived 14 years, and would have been 20.. how much does that suck... A LOT !!!! Just letting it out here, to the only people who really understand.

Child Loss / She clings to the hand of God
« on: October 28, 2009, 08:28:44 PM »
I am not pushing religion and hope not to offend anyone, but I have this printed out and laminated at my son's stone. I did not write it, not sure where I saw it

She clings to the hand of God
to keep from going wild
and in His presence
comes to know
His other hand
holds her child.


Child Loss / Homesick
« on: October 15, 2009, 08:56:27 PM »
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus
with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

by Mercy Me

Child Loss / 5 years ago tomorrow
« on: October 06, 2009, 09:42:33 AM »
Tomorrow is 5 years.  Taylor, my baby boy, my little Taterbug. Im still here and you're  still there. Doesn't seem possible that I haven't seen you for 5 years... we never were apart for 5 days even.  I go over and over that evening of  Oct 7th and Caleb  :(   ... I'm remembering all the fun and beautiful times we had too.. there are so many.. I'm so honored to be your mom... I could not have ordered a more perfect boy to be my son.. I will always cherish every minute we had .. I love you so much, words can't even say.. but you know don't you buddy... Love Mom

Child Loss / Want to share a tiny tender memory?
« on: July 27, 2009, 12:31:39 PM »
There are so many huge things I remember about Taylor, and the little tiny ones r so precious to me. I remember rubbing his little soft skin on his back and singing him this song before he went to sleep. I went to the cemetary last night in the dark and sang it to him. I cried a lot but it made me feel good too.
It's from John Denver.... kinda like this
I'll walk in the rain by your side, I'll cling to the warmth of your tiny hand.. I'll do anything to help you understand, and I'll love you more than anybody can. And the wind will whisper your name to me, little birds will sing along in time,,, and leaves will bow down when you walk by..... and morning bells will chime...
He always fell asleep to it,,, my precious tiny little guy

Anybody want to share a tender memory?

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