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Topics - Jean

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Main / It's closing in on me
« on: April 10, 2007, 04:17:26 PM »
I lost my mom two weeks ago...actually I feel like I lost her the day my sister died - Oct. 3/06. That first month was a blur and I brought my mom to live with us so we could be there for each other. On Nov. 3/06 she was diagnosed with cancer...It was bad. She had a huge tumour in her pancreas and at first they thought it was pancreatic cancer which is very deadly. Further tests showed it to be lymphoma and so then chemotherapy started. The chemo was so very hard on her. So many pills afterwards. She got so sick and had to be hospitalized again. Another three weeks and she was home with us again...and then she fell..she broke 4 ribs and punctured her lung...If I had just been a little quicker, I could have caught her..I thought I was going to lose her then....but she was strong...she pulled through it...but lost the strength to walk. I couldn't bring her home yet because she was bedridden...she begged me so many times to take her home....I was finally able to bring her home for some passes, the tumour was almost gone....and then something went terribly wrong...she got so sick again, couldn't eat, couldn't sit up....just got weaker and weaker...

I wanted to have a feeding tube put into her, but it was against her wishes...and so I had to watch her slowly die....we had plans for so much more...but it was not meant to be. She was so so much pain and grief....I spent every day with her, didn't want her to feel alone...wanted to be there for her because I was not there for my sister when she passed.

I feel so much sorrow...they are both gone...and I know I have so much to live for still, but it just hurts so much. I miss them so much...


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