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Topics - LuAnn

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Child Loss / Will This Always Define My Life
« on: December 21, 2008, 04:39:20 PM »
I haven't been on this board for a long time. For a while it was just too hard to be here but also a comfort  to know that I could come back.

In the past 4 years I have lost a 5 year old grandson, a 32 year old cousin, my oldest son )my grandson's daddy) and my nephew. They all died of separate accidents.

I know that the holidays are horrible and distort all my emotions. Will these deaths always define me? Will I always feel like such a freak because I take a handful of pills in the morning and another handful at night because I am so depressed? Will I always feel like I'm slighting my other children and grandchildxren be cause I seem to concentrate more on the ones that are gone than the ones that are here? Will I ever be able to hold a job again? Will I ever be me again?

Thank you for your support.

Child Loss / Insomnia and Nightmares
« on: August 07, 2007, 05:38:33 PM »
I have such a hard time sleeping. I am taking medication but nothing seems to work. The reality is that I am afraid to sleep because those awful scenes of my granson, son and nephew's death play over and over again. Last night I had horrible nightmares about losing yet another young male member of my family. After 2 separate nightmares I got out of bed so that it wouldn't happen again.

Please share with me about your sleep problems or successes and what has worked for you.


Child Loss / Stealing From The Cemetery
« on: May 25, 2007, 06:48:31 PM »
May 8th was my grandson's 3rd angel date. He and my son share a grave and headstone. My grandson loved anything to do with JOhn Deere so I took two yellow rose bushes (the yellow and green represent John Deere) to the cemetery and planted them on either side of the headstone.

Last Sunday I felt the need to visit their grave and discovered that my rose bushes were gone. Have any of you experienced this? I was so angry. I hope Mel and Drake and Stevie B haunt whoever did this.

Child Loss / Counseling ???
« on: March 27, 2007, 07:18:55 PM »
Have you found counseling helpful? How do you pick a really good counselor?

Child Loss / I Think I Am losing Touch With Reality - Multiple Deaths
« on: March 05, 2007, 08:25:29 PM »
I am blessed to be part of a wonderful tightly knit family but it seems that we are being picked off one at a time.

On May 8, 2004 my beautiful 5 year old grandson, Drake, was hit by a truck and killed. Six weeks later my 33 year old cousin was killed when he fell down a flight of stairs moving a desk.

On June 30, 2006, Mel, my oldest son and Drake's father died of a drug overdose.
My only sister has been my rock throughout these past 2 years of horrible pain and impending depression. She was planning on going to the cemetery on Feb 12th with me to remember Mel's birthday. Instead we were both at the hospital watching her 33 year old son die from a single car accident. Her son died on my dead son's birthday.

This is like a horrible continuous nightmare that we can't wake up from. How could my sister's son have been taken. Hasn't our family been punished enough???

I was a rock for my sister at the hospital and throughout the funeral process. Many,many times I just wanted to sit down and cry hysterically but I would take deep breaths and say "right now you need to take care of your sister because she has been taking care of you"

Now I am finding that almost everything is too much for me. I'm trying to work but I'm doing a very poor job of that and am constantly worried that I will be fired. The simplest tasks overwhelm me, I cry constantly, absolutely can't sleep and activities that used to bring me pleasure or comfort don't work. People have always said that the women in my family are so strong but I don't want to be strong anymore. I'm cracking up and judging myself very poorly for it. Any comments would be helpful and welcomed. How am I ever going to get through this????

Child Loss / Going Back To Work
« on: March 04, 2007, 07:41:40 PM »
How much time did you take off from work and what happened when you went back? I have a very high stress sales job that is complex and requires quite a bit of travel. My boss is not at all supportive he just wants me to perform and "get back to normal."


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