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Topics - lainie

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1
Child Loss / Hi , it's me Brynn's mom Elaine
« on: February 07, 2009, 02:20:16 AM »
I haven't checked in here for about a year.  I miss you all.  I am still alone, Jan.2nd marked the two year  date since I last saw my beautiful daughter Brynn. I miss her so much.  I went back to work 14 months ago, but I am not any happier, I am just filling in time.  I try, but things just are not working out.  I am so alone.  Brynn and I were just the two of us for 11 of her 12 short years.  What do I do with my life now?  All I knew how to do was be a mom, and now I am no longer a mom, will never have a grandchild, etc.  It is just me.  I hate it.  I do not like my life.  Why do i have to be apart from my beauty?  How long will this last? I have lost so many "friends", I am very alone.
Elaine

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Child Loss / Brynn and January 2nd
« on: December 29, 2007, 06:57:14 PM »
I can't believe that it is almost one year since I last saw my beautiful Brynnie alive.  I don't know how I have survived to this point.  I'm getting very anxious about this anniversary coming up.  Just had to share this feeling with you.
Thank you all for being here for me, in this, the worst year of my life.
-Elaine, Brynn's mom
http://www.beheartstrings.com

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Child Loss / Brynnie's birthday
« on: December 14, 2007, 01:51:00 AM »
Dec. 14 is Brynn's 13th birthday.  I miss her more than words can say.
Elaine

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Child Loss / Facebook
« on: November 17, 2007, 11:13:02 AM »
Any of you on Facebook?  I am, and you can add me if you wish.  I am under the name: Elaine Suddes .  There is also a facebook group some kids created in memory of Brynn that anyone can join.  It is called R.I.P. Brynn Suddes .
Just thought some of you may also have something like this.  It's a cool way to see more pictures and things.
-Elaine, Brynnie's mom

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Child Loss / Elaine here
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:31:54 AM »
Hi, Elaine ( aka Lainie) is back, left a long ranting post again, where we left off) anyway, trying really hard to find positive things in our world.  Love you all, you are so great!
Elaine,  Brynnie's mom
Brynnie would be 13 years old on Dec. 14, and her angel day is Jan. 2, 07.
That will be a hard few weeks.

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Child Loss / Thanksgiving
« on: October 06, 2007, 05:29:37 PM »
It's Canadian Thankgiving this weekend.  Monday is the holiday.  It's a terrible empty feeling, having the first one without my Brynnie.  I just can't turn off the tears today.  I thought I was doing pretty well for the last few weeks, but now I have crashed.
I hate holidays, now.
Elaine  Brynnie's mom

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Child Loss / I have met...
« on: September 17, 2007, 11:48:09 PM »
I have met a new friend that is on this terrible journey with us.  Her 17 year old daughter died about three weeks after my child did.  We only live a few miles from each other, we did not know each other before today.  I told her about this site.  If Mindy, Jasmines's mom comes here please welcome her.  I told her how wonderful you all are!
Thanks, Elaine

8
Child Loss / Re: Google Search
« on: August 31, 2007, 04:16:50 AM »
I googled Brynn's name tonight , put in Brynn Proctor Suddes, and due to both the news articles from the time of her death and also the bursary fundraising efforts, her name comes up a lot.
However, a site pops up that is in capital letters with her name, and says Brynn's Art or something like that, and I didn't recognize the name so I clicked on it, and it is a horrible porn site.  They have used my little girl's name on their porn site.  I'm devastated, and I don't know how to go about getting it off of there or what to do.  It sort of fools you into thinking it is another one of the sites or blogs about Brynnie's art note cards, and then, wham - porn!  It actually uses her full name in the google line.
Any ideas about what I can do?
Elaine

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Child Loss / Brynn's 1st angel day
« on: August 28, 2007, 11:51:39 PM »
Brynn - 1st year angel day

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Child Loss / Brynn's 13th b-day
« on: August 28, 2007, 11:47:09 PM »
Brynn's 13th birthday

11
Child Loss / need to tell you
« on: August 22, 2007, 11:48:44 PM »
I talked to my siter-in-law tonight, who is from Peru.  I was checking with her again to make sure her family members were all okay since the earthquake.  She lives in a different town.  She told me that she just saw a tarot card reader today, and that the reader said Brynn is not okay.  She says she is in shock and really upset that she is there, and that I am here.  This is exactly what I have been afraid of all along.  She said the reader had so many things right, that this must be right, too.  Apparently how the reader put it is something like this - Brynn is a young girl who died suddenly, she is still in shock and doesn't like what happened at all.  She says Brynn keeps asking why? and that I am a child and I want to go back to my Mom.  She also says this is a very stubborn child who died very fast and will not accept it.
Now, what do I think?
My sister-in-law lives in a different city, said she didn't give any details, just asked "how is Brynn" and that is the reply she got.
She said "she doesn't like being without her mom and she won't settle."
Now what do I think?
Elaine

12
Child Loss / I'm in a crisis
« on: August 13, 2007, 12:16:54 AM »
I just don't know how to go on, it was always just the two of us, and now it's only one.  I don't know how to hang on anymore.  I think that I try, but I just can't do it much longer by myself.
Elaine (Brynnie's mom)

13
Child Loss / A Positive Story Unfolding
« on: August 01, 2007, 12:41:19 AM »
Hi, It's Elaine here, Brynn's mommy.  This time I am here not to whine, but to tell you a very interesting and positive thing.  Sorry if this might get a bit long!
As soon as Brynn died, I wanted to set up a bursary in her name for someone to pursue fashion design like she had wanted to.  My employer and others all helped me get a fund created.  So, the Brynn Proctor Suddes Memorial Bursary Fund was established.
In June of this year I was able to give out the very first bursary to a well-deserving girl who is going to attend Kwantlen University in Vancouver to take fashion desighning starting this fall.  It was a bright spot for me.
Being a broke, single mom, not working lately, I began to worry about how to keep the fund going on an annual basis.
Brynn was a real crafter, and actually she had been making jewellery and selling it in stores at 11 years old.  So, I taught myself how to make jewelry (I think she was guiding me from above) and started to sell some for her fund.
I discovered a site called etsy, it is like ebay but for handcrafted goods only.
I turned some of Brynn's artwork into greeting cards, and opened up an etsy store in her honor, and began to sell her art on cards.
This was all started May 19, 2007.
Very quickly, other crafters with their own shops on the site started to offer to donate things they have made to include in the shop.
The offers started pouring in from complete strangers all over the world, and they continue to do so.
Some of the folks have made something especially with Brynn in mind, and then sent me the items to list and sell.
Their generosity continually amazes me.
I hope Brynn can see it all happening!
If you would like to have a look, the site is http://www.brynnalex.etsy.com
It works a lot like ebay, but not as an auction, but at fixed prices.
There is getting to be quite an assortment, including some of the jewelry I made, and more is coming in the mail, still!
So, I will probably not have to worry where the 2008 money is going to come from!
The biggest thing, though is the outporing of well wishes and positivity.
Many of these people have also been inspired to expand, do other things, pursue more avenues, all because, they say of Brynn's words about always following your dreams.
It still doesn't mean I'm not sad, and devastated, but these people bring tears to my eyes, in a good way.
Sorry, this took so long to write, but it needed a bit of explaining!
Brynnie's other site is http://www.beheartstrings.com
Thanks everyone for listening to me,
Love, Elaine  (Beautiful Brynn's proud mommy)
December 14, 1994 to January 2, 2007

14
Child Loss / try?
« on: July 12, 2007, 04:33:58 PM »
You know, I have starting seeing the grief counsellor again, have done tons of positive things in and around Brynn's name and memory - and it's just not enough.  I just don't want to be here without her.  It is pure pain, I'm not going to be able to last much longer, I don't think.  I'm so envious of everyone else out and about who have their child.  I'm really angry that I don't.  Everywhere I go there are children, and laughter and couples.  I can't stand it.
Signed Bitter Elaine
Brynn's mom, Dec.94-Jan.07

15
Child Loss / Just wondering
« on: June 19, 2007, 12:13:43 PM »
Just a question, do you wake up every morning wishing that you hadn't?  I'm so miserable and lost without Brynnie.  I just wish my life would hurry up and be over quickly.  Just wondering if you all feel or have felt this way.
Elaine  - missing my beauty, Brynnie

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