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Main / Suicide of my soulmate - my guilt
« on: March 22, 2011, 02:21:02 PM »
My sweetheart took his life Sunday. He left a letter to his brother that it was due to me not being able to finalize my divorce with my husband. He said he could not wait any longer and loved me too much. He was in too much pain. I am in such agony. I could have helped. I tried Sat night.
After several calls of wanting to end his life, etc., I called the police and they sent out someone (PEMS - emergency mental health) and picked him up. They mentioned Baker Act for 72 hours and he panicked in the van. He tried to choke the driver, the van went out of control and they had him arrested. In turn, he went to jail and was able to bail himself four hours later for $500. He went home and called me and was very angry. It appeared my help backfired. I went to his home and we made up and shared our love for each other. He was so scared about having a record. He said he was afraid that more charges would be pressed and he could not live a life in prison. I got so upset that he in turn started to comfort me and said we would work this out, he would get an attorney, etc. He had a suicide letter already written to his brother but he said he would tear it up and he felt better.
I had to leave but felt so bad leaving him. I still see his face watching as I drove off. I should have turned around. He said he was going to rest. I called him two hours later and he was just sitting on the couch in the quiet. I then called about 8:30 pm and he was in bed as he had to work at 6 am. Monday morning he was found hanging from his tree. He did this at midnight. Just hours after I spoke with him. I should have went to his home at 9!
His brother has said this is my fault. He never wants to see me or talk with me. I have so much guilt. I should have stayed, I should have let him know how much I loved him. I should have never called the police to help him. I could not get there quick enough the night before and I thought it was the right thing to do.
I miss him terribly. All I can do is cry. I still wait for his call. I have to reverse time and get him back with me. He was so sad and I didn't help. I can't control the hurt. I think I did kill him. I should have moved in with him and began our life together.
Now I hear his messages repeatedly saying how much he loves me and needs me and can't be without me. I feel more guilt. I talk to him all I can even when he is not here. I kiss his ring.
Will Heaven welcome those that commit suicide? I have prayed that he is in a better place. My heart is actually aching. Marilyn
After several calls of wanting to end his life, etc., I called the police and they sent out someone (PEMS - emergency mental health) and picked him up. They mentioned Baker Act for 72 hours and he panicked in the van. He tried to choke the driver, the van went out of control and they had him arrested. In turn, he went to jail and was able to bail himself four hours later for $500. He went home and called me and was very angry. It appeared my help backfired. I went to his home and we made up and shared our love for each other. He was so scared about having a record. He said he was afraid that more charges would be pressed and he could not live a life in prison. I got so upset that he in turn started to comfort me and said we would work this out, he would get an attorney, etc. He had a suicide letter already written to his brother but he said he would tear it up and he felt better.
I had to leave but felt so bad leaving him. I still see his face watching as I drove off. I should have turned around. He said he was going to rest. I called him two hours later and he was just sitting on the couch in the quiet. I then called about 8:30 pm and he was in bed as he had to work at 6 am. Monday morning he was found hanging from his tree. He did this at midnight. Just hours after I spoke with him. I should have went to his home at 9!
His brother has said this is my fault. He never wants to see me or talk with me. I have so much guilt. I should have stayed, I should have let him know how much I loved him. I should have never called the police to help him. I could not get there quick enough the night before and I thought it was the right thing to do.
I miss him terribly. All I can do is cry. I still wait for his call. I have to reverse time and get him back with me. He was so sad and I didn't help. I can't control the hurt. I think I did kill him. I should have moved in with him and began our life together.
Now I hear his messages repeatedly saying how much he loves me and needs me and can't be without me. I feel more guilt. I talk to him all I can even when he is not here. I kiss his ring.
Will Heaven welcome those that commit suicide? I have prayed that he is in a better place. My heart is actually aching. Marilyn
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