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Topics - wally49er

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Almost a Year
« on: October 06, 2016, 04:19:11 AM »
It will be a year October 17 since my beloved wife, Cathy, died.  This has been a rough year.  Not only did I lose my wife and soul mate but, I also lost my daughter-in-law to suicide.  I lost my cat we'd had since 2003 and I had to have a kidney removed.  In August, my brother was killed.  But there have also been two good things happen, a grandson was born and I met someone with whom I've started a new relationship.  She has been widowed three years.  I pray that it goes well.  She wants to go slow, which is good. I am full of anxiety and question whether I am betraying Cathy, even though she told me to find so one else.  She didn't want me to be alone. Well, enough about me.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Too many losses
« on: September 11, 2016, 01:14:47 PM »
. August 19 my little brother took his team of draft horses to Skowhegan fair to the horse pulling.  After the pull that night, he was unloading them from the trailer to put them way for the night when something spooked one of them.  Dana's hand must have got caught or tangled in the halter rope and he couldn't let go.  The horse dragged him across the yard and stepped on Dana's chest.  I was called by my sister, went to the hospital where he was pronounced dead.  He was forty-nine years old and left a son and a daughter, both teenagers who adored their father.  He was president of the Farmers Draft Horse Mule and Pony Association.  He was loved across the state of Maine,  Greeted everyone with a smile.  In 2003 we lost a son.  Since October 2015 I have lost my wife, a daughter-in-law to suicide, my cat, a kidney and, now, my brother.  It needs to stop.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Eight Months
« on: June 01, 2016, 01:59:25 PM »
. It will be eight months this month of June, since my wif, Cathy passed.  It seems to get harder as time passes, not easier.  I miss her more each day.  Maybe it's especially hard since I'm having to deal with this illness without her.  I go for surgery July 5 to remove the cancerous kidney.  I understand there is no other sign of cancer.  Just get the kidney out.  My brother has only one kidney.  Many people have only one kidney.  My sister will be here for support and I have three brothers.  I have mixed feelings about Cathy not being here.  I know she would be scared to death at the thought of losing me.  I'm not scared.  Thank you for your support.  Wally

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Spouse, Partner Loss / The Days are Long
« on: April 22, 2016, 01:08:40 PM »
The days are long as time moves so slowly without our loved one near.  When another loss happens on the heals of this great loss it has set me back.  I was going to get done with grief counseling this month, but I think I will need to keep going for a while.  The nights are long, too.  I'm thankful I have my writing to turn to.  And reading and my pets.  It is at times like these, I remind myself to think of gratitude and things I am thankful for.  We need to take care of ourselves.  Be a little selfish.  Is it selfish to take care of ourselves.  I don't think so.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / She's Still Here
« on: March 22, 2016, 03:19:34 PM »
Sometimes it feels like Cathy is still with me.  And then I feel she's not I am sad.  Today I got a call from the soldier who will carry our son's stone in the Summit Project.  It's the first time Cathy won't be here to tell the soldier about who our son was.  I'll have to do it alone.  I told her (soldier) I would meet her on Thursday, but that's when my widower group is, so I will need to call her back and change the time.  Cathy used to arrange all this.  Maybe that's why she's here, to help.  Maybe because the Summit Project is about Brett.  I don't know.  It's all so sad.   Wally

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Spouse, Partner Loss / The journey continues
« on: February 17, 2016, 12:23:43 PM »
. I'm new here.  I hope I've got this right.  It's four months today since I lost my wife, Cathy.  I broke down twice this morning.  There is a lot I'd like to get done, like rearrange my house, but I can't summon the energy.    I'm trying to get finances straightened out and every time I think I'm getting somewhere it's two steps back.  If nothing else this forum gives me a place to vent.   Wally

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Spouse, Partner Loss / My Story
« on: February 16, 2016, 12:09:18 PM »
. My wife passed October 17,2015.  For months tomorrow.  We met in creative writing class twenty seven years ago.  We were both writers She was a great editor.  We lost a son in 2003.  In 2007 she was diagnosed with lung cancer.  She had two thirds of a lung removed, spent two months in hospital and rehab and recovered well.  She did well for a few years, then needed oxygen at night and, gradually, full time. Over the last five years I became her caregiver.  It was getting harder and harder for her to breathe.  No doctor ever said it, but I believe it was Radiation Induced Pulmonary  fibrosis.  That morning, she awoke, couldn't breathe and had a fatal heart attack.  She was the love of my life.  Some days are all right, other days I can't do anything.  I am determined to be the writer we always wanted to be.  Instead of sitting home on our anniversary, I'm taking the rest of her ashes to Prince Edward Island.  Our favorite place. She always wanted to go back but her illness wouldn't allow it. This year she will make one last trip.

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