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Topics - sissy

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Main / How to be strong for a dear friend.....
« on: August 29, 2011, 11:24:22 PM »
I usually post under parent loss, but tonight, i come to you for some hopeful advice or direction on how to help a close friend.....
On the 24th of August my girlfriend lost her 22 year old son Brandon to suicide.  Tomorrow morning is the funeral and I'm going to be there.....but only because i know that i could never hurt my friend by not attending.  Since my mothers death (last September) i just don't have very much to offer anyone these days.  I feel so selfish and guilty and i know that she has a very long road ahead of her, but i don't know where to pull the strength from when i still feel so lost myself.  I am not sure what it is that i'm asking for at this moment.....
sorry for rattling.....
always, sissy

Parent Loss / Dee's Angel Date
« on: August 17, 2011, 02:06:17 PM »
There are no words to tell you how much you are missed.....I am trying so hard to live in a world without your tender strength, loving words of encouragement and most of all the warmth and softness of your arms around me......I love you, mama.......
Sometime i spray some of your "White Shoulders" in the air.......and for a brief moment....well, you know.....

Parent Loss / I am so touched......
« on: July 24, 2011, 02:35:45 PM »
I have just found myself surfing this site for the last hour or so .... or at least long enough to have to log back in again.....anyway as i was visiting all the different topics and reading so many tender stories that people have shared....i just felt the overwhelming need to thank God for guiding me to you.  I had never heard of any web sites on grief before i lost my mom .... or maybe i should say that i had been fortunate enough to never have felt the need for such a site until then....and even though it is so horribly sad that what we all seem to have in common is really quite tragic and unbelievably painful....i want to tell you how much i appreciate you. 
always - sissy

Parent Loss / how to start living again.....
« on: July 16, 2011, 08:06:53 PM »
it's been almost ten months since i lost my mom.....i am really in a bad place and i could really use some advice.  it seems as though the pain of losing her just isn't getting any easier...just different.  in some ways it's almost getting harder.  i have just about cut out everyone in my life that cares about me or whom i have cared about. (other then my husband and my son)... but, if we didn't share a home i wonder how much time i would be spending with them.  i feel so horrible having just said that, but the "darkness" just seems to be taking all of me. 
i still go to work, and handle a very stressful job for all intended purposes.....i have numerous conversations throughout the day and can put on my game face pretty well....but when i leave work all i want to do is come home and be left alone....
it seems as if the flavor of life is just gone....nothing is as it's supposed to be....and i don't know what to do....i just can't stand that she isn't here in the home that we shared.....the pain is unbelievable.  will i ever start living again? and why am i pushing my loved ones away? 

I guess one of the hardest things for me to deal with is that last August my mom was going to the doctor to discuss the medication she was taking for her ulcer. It didn't seem to be helping her stomach pain at all and she was hoping he would have something that would.  Well, when he saw her, he mentioned that she seemed to have a slight yellowish tinge to her skin, and started asking questions and decided to send her for blood work and a Cat Scan....all on the same day. He told us that he thought that she may have a gallstone.  The following day she was told that there was indeed a gallstone and that it needed to be removed......So on August 23, 2010, we went to the hospital and she was to have a procedure where they remove it through her throat.  We were so excited (silly us) to find out that she had a gallstone, because we figured that after it was removed her tummy would stop hurting......but when the surgeon came out to tell me how everything went....I was told that there was evidence of her ulcer (which had healed from the medicine she had been taking) but there was no gallstone and he felt with 95% certainty that what he had found was a very advanced case of "Bile Duct Cancer."   And he said this without any type of medical proof to back it up......I can't begin to tell you the emotions, thought, questions, fears......When my mom woke up the doctor discusssed her options....but the prognosis was 6 months if she were lucky.
My sweet mom lived only 5 weeks from diagnosis.

Parent Loss / Trying to find myself...after losing my mama.
« on: December 10, 2010, 08:28:35 AM »
I've never been as lost as I've been since the loss of my best mom.  It has been a little over two months since she passed and friends and family are trying to tell me the right or wrong way to grieve....and I know that they are trying to be kind and help me through my pain, but they don't have a clue to the depth of my sadness....I just can't seem to find my balance anymore...things don't taste right...I can usually fake my way through most of my time at work, but not always....I find myself telling complete strangers things that I'm not willing to share with my friends/family....and sometimes crying as I tell them about her.  I don't have any issues with crying usually, but at work?????  I know that I am probably rattling on right now.....but I am so lost.....and the intensity of sadness that I am feeling is something that I've only heard or read about. 

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