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Topics - travelvet

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Parent Loss / I'm new to these grief discussions....but I belong here
« on: October 25, 2014, 02:18:46 PM »
My Mom passed away very recently on October 3, 2014. She was 89 years old. I think I'm still in shock over it all. Yet I also feel guilt over her passing also. I live in the Tulsa and had planned to take a road trip up to Boston (where my Mom lived) on Sept 23rd through early Oct. My right knee gave out so I needed urgent surgery preventing me from taking the trip. I found out about my Mom's passing once I entered recovery after my surgery. My Mom had spent the last few months of her life in a rehab facility to re-gain strength in her legs so she could use a walker again to get around. But it didn't quite work that way. They began experimenting with her meds and every time she would raise her head or turn her head, she would get nauseous and have dry heaves and dizziness. That meant she had to postpone her physical therapy each day. So she basically sat in a wheelchair, sick to her stomach and in adult diapers for most of the days. She begged my sister constantly to take her home. My sister and I would have lengthy phone conversations about Mom's health. I also arranged for Verizon to put a phone by her bed (she slept with that phone) so that I could call her daily or twice daily. I wanted her to remain in touch with what friends she had remaining. My sister spent most days and every night she would bring our Mom a dessert and spend hours by her bedside. My sister was her caretaker for the past 20 years. Anyway, my last conversation with my Mom was to tell her about my knee surgery and that I promised to call her the next day after my surgery. Her friend Alice stepped into the room. My Mom told me that Alice was there and my last words were ok...I'll let you go. I'm so sad and filled with guilt at the same time. I wished I could have done something for her before she died. She died in her sleep. I couldn't even go to her funeral because of the distance from Tulsa to Boston and recovering from my own surgery. I'm long winded here and extremely sad :(

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