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Main / What about using medications?

« on: July 25, 2009, 02:13:01 PM »

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I lost my husband just over 5 weeks ago. I was having what seemed to be almost like panic attacks where I would just feel like I was going to explode into a million pieces. I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago and he suggested I try a mild anti-anxiety medication, low dose. He prescribed it for up to 3 times a day. I have taken it twice a day a couple times, but usually only once a day. It seems to work to minimize my panic. I went back to him again today and he's concerned because I am losing a lot of weight, not sleeping too well, and of course, still having emotional reaction to lots of things (mostly crying. The doctor himself is sort of a trigger because he was my husband's doctor and I spent a lot of time in his office with my husband). He suggested I try a small dose of antidepressant. I really don't want to take medication. I'm afraid it will just mask or delay my feelings that need to get out.

Does anyone have any experience with taking medications to help get through these first weeks and months? I feel like I am getting a bit better, little by little, and I know God has been helping me get through my days. My upbringing was one of not taking any kind of medication, so I don't know if my reluctance is related to that, or if I am thinking rightly.

If you have experience with this, please let me know. Thank you.

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Main / Reminiscing---How do we do it alone?

« on: July 14, 2009, 09:42:42 PM »

Today I realized one of the reasons I feel such a great loss.  Ken and I met 49 years ago this month and over those years, we made so many memories that only he and I share.  Today something happened that I needed to reminisce about with him and realized that all those memories are now only mine. No one other than Ken would know about them.  I am so thankful for the memories, but I feel such a tremendous loss at not being able to talk to him and relive them with him.  At this point in our lives, we were doing more reminiscing, I guess as a way to make up for not being able to do as many things as we used to do.  No one else would understand, or be able to relive the feelings, fun, emotions, etc. that we shared together.  It feels like half of my self is gone.  I thought about all the things that may happen in the future that I won't be able to share with him either.  Some of them are serious, like when our next grandchild gets married, or when we have another great grandchild, and some are silly, like the fact that he'll never get to see me with gray hair. I wanted to share all of these things with him....always.   I also realized that I'm fearful of growing old without  him there to be with me through whatever I may have to go through.  I wonder how many more painful, realizations I'm going to have.

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Main / New widow--Desperate for help

« on: July 03, 2009, 12:21:58 PM »

I don't know how to start. I lost my husband of 48 years 2 1/2 weeks ago.  I don't know how to handle this.  I feel like my insides are screaming for relief.  Sometimes the scream comes out my mouth and it scares me.  I cry all the time. I wake up in the morning counting the hours until I can go back to sleep.  I think I'm losing my mind.  I've talked to a chaplain a few times and it seems like it relieves the pressure for a little bit, then it all comes back with a vengeance.  I am overwhelmed.  I pray and pray and still I feel desparate. What do I do?  I am not interested in anything. I don't want to eat. I can't concentrate.  I can't organize my thoughts, or anything else for that matter.  All I can see are more and more days of this horrible existence.  What can I do?  How can I live this way?