Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Topics - joearmitage

Pages: [1]
Today is the sixteen month anniversary of my Elaine going to Heaven. I don't know how I have got through this far, she must have been helping me. I talk to her all the time, and I KNOW she is with me, she wouldn't not be.
Earlier this year I had an oak tree dedicated to her memory, and later this year I am going to inter her sacred ashes under that tree. When it is my time, my ashes will also be interred under that tree.
I haven't been able to sort out her clothes yet, not even able to open her wardrobe. I also haven't yet been able to look in the drawers where she kept other clothes, plus little items of jewellery etc. I have (sort of) decided that on my next two days off work I will check out the drawers. We shall see.


Spouse, Partner Loss / One year ago today - miss you Elaine
« on: January 25, 2013, 09:54:23 AM »
Today, 25 January 2013, is the first anniversary of my darling wife Elaine's passing. My plan was to plant an oak sapling at Clatworthy Reservoir, Somerset, England in her memory, something that would last for a thousand years. However, somebody from the Life for a Life Organisaton contacted me the other day to tell me that the roads to the site were impassable, snow, ice, roads closed etc. The planting ceremony has been postponed to what would have been our 30th wedding anniversary on 11th April 2013. It is disappointing to say the least, and my son, his wife, two kids, plus Elaine's sister and brother in law have had to change their plans accordingly.
Instead, I went to church to view and photograph Elaine's page in the Book of Remembrance. Obviously it is only open at that page once a year, so it was something I saw this year as opposed to next year if I had been at the planting ceremony. Every cloud has a silver lining.
I also made a donation to the local Cats' Protection League in Elaine's name. This afternoon I went to a local pub and had a couple of her favourite drinks - large gin and tonic, slice of lime, one piece of ice. I swear I could almost see her and her daughter in law sitting there waiting to be collected and taken home, just like they did on several occasions in happier days. When I got home I wrote Elaine a little note, then burnt it in the garden incinerator so she could read it in Heaven. I am shortly going to have a bottle of wine to finish up the day. Well, if you can't get drunk on the first anniversary of your wife's passing, when can you?

Miss you Babe.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Eleven months today
« on: December 25, 2012, 03:45:57 AM »
Today is Christmas Day, and the eleven month anniversary of Elaine's passing. The build up to this day has been pretty tough, and I just wanted it to pass me by. I think back to Christmases past, and it makes me feel so sad that she is no longer physically here with me.

My stepson, his wife and the two boys have come down from Devon to cook the Christmas meal at her parents' home, her parents are going to stay with another daughter, so it will just be the five of us. I'm looking forward to going there in about an hour, as much as I can look forward to anything these days. It will be nice to be together again as a family unit, the five people Elaine loved most in this world.

Several years ago we bought a bottle of champagne, but just never got round to opening it. Today I will take it with me and we will share it over dinner, and remember absent loved ones.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Six Months
« on: July 24, 2012, 11:42:09 AM »
Elaine passed on Wednesday 25th January 2012, and was cremated on her birthday, Tuesday 14TH February 2012. During her Remembrance Service we entered the crematorium to our favourite song, 'Save Your Love' by Renee and Renato. We knew this was a very cheesy song, but loved it when we heard it in a bar in Malta we used to frequent when on holiday there. So we loved it, and adopted it as our song. During the service, 'Amazing Grace' was played, which was Elaine's favourite hymn. During the commital, 'Time To Say Goodbye' by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman, was played. I had some bookmarks made with the words of 'Forever Autumn' from 'War Of The Worlds' engraved on the back. I made a CD of songs which were played during the afternoon/evening at the pub where we went to have a drink and give Elaine a good send off. We definitely gave her a good send off, because I was the last one to leave the pub at closing time. I'm sure that Elaine would have approved of that one, if I had left early she would have wanted to know why. During the course of our time in the pub we played a CD that I had made of songs that reminded me of Elaine, or my situation at that time.

1. Morning Has Broken - Cat Stevens
2. The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Any More - The Walker Brothers
3. The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack
4. I Wish It Would Rain - The Temptations
5. Best Thing Than Ever Happened To Me - Gladys Knight & The Pips
6. Maggie May - Rod Stewart
7. Crazy - Julio Iglesias
8. Woman - John Lennon
9. (Just Like) Starting Over - John Lennon
10. Wish You Were - Pink Floyd
11. Mama You Been On My Mind - Rod Stewart
12. Days - The Kinks

Those songs contain some poignant lyrics, but by far the most poignant for me, are the words by Pink Floyd 'How I wish, how I wish you were here'.

Tomorrow, 25th July, is the six month anniversary of Elaine's passing. Tomorrow afternoon I will have a couple of beers, raise a glass to Heaven and say to Elaine 'Wish You Were Here'.


Spouse, Partner Loss / New normal?
« on: June 19, 2012, 10:19:58 AM »
I think I am very slowly heading towards a new normal. Today is the first of my two days off work this week, and if Elaine was here I would probably have went training this morning, followed by taking her grocery shopping, possibly visiting a local pub for a couple of drinks, back home to relax and for me to watch the England match on the telly. I did go training this morning, because it is something I always do on my first day off. After that I went into a church to light a candle for my Baby, bought a couple of beers and a bottle of wine to have while watching the match tonight. I will sit in our house with my two cats and get not a lot of satisfaction watching the England team either win, draw or lose, but I will try to enjoy it. If Elaine was here with me we would have a laugh about anything and everything, because she was always so full of life. The match would be secondary because she would keep turning the channels over to check out her favourites. I used to love her doing that, because I liked to see her happy. She was a woman of simple tastes, not materialistic at all. What she did like, however, was when we went on holiday she liked to get a seat upgrade on the plane, or if we went on a cruise she loved to have a balcony. The pleasure she used to get out of simple things used to make me love her more. She loved nature, especially birds, and she always had a vase of lilies in the living room. Since she went to Heaven I have kept up the tradition and keep the lilies replenished. Later in the year I am taking her son (my stepson), the daughter-in-law, and the grandchildren to the National Forest to plant sapling oaks in her memory. I saw details of the scheme on the internet, and I think it is a perfect way to honour somebody you love. The oaks may be able to live for over a thousand years, and will improve the countryside for all time. I am constantly seeking out ways to do things in her memory, to keep her memory alive. I of course will never forget her, will never stop loving her. The days without Elaine are becoming slowly more bearable. I do not weep as much as I used to, but when I do it seems deeper, more raw. I honestly wish I had been the one to go first. I still feel her with me, and I hope I always will. I still haven't been able to move any of her things, so I will do it in my own time. Who knows when?


Spouse, Partner Loss / Thanksgiving and Remembrance Service
« on: May 16, 2012, 10:24:12 AM »
I have been reading the posts every day, but haven't posted for a while.

Last week one of the Reverends who officiated at Elaine's Memorial Service sent a letter to say that there was to be a Thanksgiving and Remembrance Service for all those in this area who passed away between January and Easter, on Sunday 13th May at 8pm. On the day itself I was pretty numb all day, just so sad, lonely, miserable. Unfortunately my stepson couldn't attend as he lives nearly 300 miles away, and couldn't get the time off work. I was able to get the time off work, but would have taken it anyway, nothing on earth would have stopped me going to the service. Jay's (my stepson) in-laws came with me, as did one of my very good friends. The service itself was candlelit for a time, especially when the names of the deceased were read out. It was a beautiful service, and I came away feeling so peaceful. The church is having the west window replaced with stained glass, which will consist of over a thousand full size shards. I was able to sponsor one of the shards, which means I will be able to have Elaine's name etched inside the glass, and it will be there forever. As it is on the west side of the church, the setting sun will project all the nice colours and names into the church.

I sometimes get caught unawares by grief, like a bolt out of the blue. I miss my darling so much, and I love her with all my heart, just as I have always done. I'm not ready to sort her clothes out yet, or even open her wardrobes - all in good time. I intend getting one of those digital frames and scanning some of our photos into it, that are currently locked away in a cupboard. Again though, at the moment I couldn't bear to look at the photos. The only photo of Elaine's I look at at the moment is one I have on my laptop. Every time I open it up my heart just breaks all over again. I could just ignore the photo and not open it up, but I love to look at her, even though it makes me so sad at the thought of what happened.

I keep myself busy at work, and on my days off after doing all the usual housework that I used to just take for granted, I go to the gym, or out for a couple of pints in my local. I have good people who ring me - Jay, my brother, my cousin, my friend who I was in the navy with all those years ago, Jay's in-laws who also invite me round for meals when I am off work. I feel blessed to have people care enough about me, I just wish it wasn't necessary.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Was just wondering
« on: March 10, 2012, 11:50:15 AM »
Was just wondering if anybody here has ever consulted a medium? I have been toying with the idea, and found a business card in Elaine's handbag from her friend, who is a medium. I am forever looking for signs from Elaine, and trying to dream about her. I believe I have had a couple of signs, but want more.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Poem for my darling
« on: March 03, 2012, 01:02:55 PM »
I have just read a beautiful poem that Lisa shared with me. Has anybody written poems/words about their loved one that they would like to share? A couple of days after Elaine passed I wrote a few words down, sort of trying to put into words how I felt, maybe a bit of therapy really.

I sat by your bedside with tear stained eyes
Willing you to wake as if from a dream
Praying that the living nightmare was not real
Hoping against hope things were not as they seemed
I was pleading with God to let you pull through
Get out of this place, let's get back home.
They turned off the life support machine
And you went to Heaven, and I was alone.
Sleep tight my darling, until we meet again.
I must endure
Because of our love, our life with each other
For the sake of your memory I'll battle each day
Though I know that the heartache will never go away
Look out for me darling
Keep me safe from harm
One day we'll be together again
My soulmate, my darling wife
The love of my life

On 25th January 2012 my whole world fell apart, as my sweet darling Elaine, my wife of 29 years, my soulmate, passed away. One minute the world was a lovely place, the next it was a living nightmare. Elaine had to be rushed to hospital, she had several cardiac arrests, and twelve hours later the life support machines were switched off. I was at her bedside and it was so very hard to watch her slip away from me. Since that day I have visited this and several other sites, which has helped enormously. I have also had a lot of support from family and friends, but mostly from my stepson (Elaine's son) Jason. He lives about 250 miles from me, but he came straight away to see his Momma, and has been here most days, having had to go back to Devon for a couple of days for work etc.
The cremation was Tuesday 14th Feb, her birthday, and we really did Elaine proud, gave her a really good send off. Plenty of people were at the service, and afterwards at our local pub, because she touched a lot of hearts over the years.
At the moment, with everybody gone back to their lives, and most of my family scattered around England, I feel very vulnerable. I miss that girl so much, and love her more that anything in the world. Last year I had stage 4 lymphoma, and she nursed me through it all for nine months, until I was better. She was an absolute trojan - then this happens.
I don't know how I'm going to get through this life without her. I just know I have to try, because if I didn't try, Elaine would go mad at me.
Miss you my sweet darling, and I love you forever.
Your loving husband,

Pages: [1]