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Topics - YoungerSis

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Sibling Loss / Strange dream
« on: October 12, 2009, 10:56:20 AM »
Hello everyone,
I have not posted in awhile, but I have been reading your posts every now and again, and trying to keep going.

I was out of town on a business trip this past weekend and, as usual, I don't sleep well away from home, and usually have strange dreams.

The other night I dreamed that I was at work, and I ran into my sister in the hallway.  She looked beautiful, and had no signs of the cancer she had battled before she died.  I was astonished at seeing her, but she smiled and just said that she was fine, and that she pretended to die to get away from her controlling husband.

Then she said she wanted to be in one of my research studies (I am a clinical research coordinator at a large hospital).  So I scheduled her for a study visit, then I ran and told my family that she was still alive!  Of course they didn't believe me, so when she arrived for her appointment, I showed her to one of the exam rooms, then ran to get my family.  But when they came back with me, she was gone, and even her name had disappeared off the printed schedule!

I woke up feeling a little strange, but almost comforted in the fact that maybe my sister was trying to tell me that she really is okay!

Any insights into this? 

Thanks for reading!

Sibling Loss / How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« on: August 20, 2009, 06:00:30 AM »
How long does it take to feel somewhat 'normal' again?  Some days I feel pretty good, and I am grateful for those days.  Other days, like today, I just don't care!  I don't care about my job, I just want to veg out on the sofa in the evening, and this is so not like me!

I am so mad at myself because it has been almost 4 months since losing my sister, and I should be feeling better by now, shouldn't I?

Sibling Loss / Feeling resentful?
« on: August 07, 2009, 07:52:49 AM »
We are supposed to get together with 'friends' tonight.  But I am feeling very resentful today! 

These so-called friends are a couple who we have known for years.  When my husband called them to tell them my sister died, they did nothing - did not come to the funeral, send me a sympathy card, or even call to express their sympathy!  He lost his first wife a few years back, and of course we went to her funeral and were there to support him.  She is a radiation therapist who had always asked about my sister and her treatment at various stages of her illness.

So what do I do tonight?  Just pretend like nothing is wrong?

Sibling Loss / Beautiful sunrise
« on: July 15, 2009, 11:29:21 AM »
This morning I got up for work, and looked outside at the most beautiful sunrise and magenta sky that I had ever seen!  Suddenly I felt a warm feeling like my sister was experiencing that same beauty, and it really made me feel so good.  I actually felt energetic and enthusiastic about my work again today, as I had not in so many weeks. 

I just wanted to share this with all of you.  Maybe it is these small things- like the beautiful sunrise, or an insight received from someone on this web forum - that can help us each through another day despite our grief.

My prayers are with all of you!

Sibling Loss / Angry today!
« on: July 08, 2009, 06:04:25 AM »
Today I am really angry!  I found out that my brother-in-law is already seeing another woman, and my sister has only been gone a little over two months!!!

Sibling Loss / Nervous
« on: June 26, 2009, 05:40:13 AM »
My oldest sister has been gone two months now.  Tomorrow I am going to her house for the first time since she died ---- to take my niece to lunch.  I am really nervous about going!  I know it will be hard to be in her kitchen, and not see her sitting across from me or pouring me a cup of coffee.  I am sure that this is necessary as part of the healing process, but I am still nervous and hope I can handle this!

Sibling Loss / Good movie
« on: June 01, 2009, 05:53:36 PM »
Have any of you seen (or read) The Five People You Meet In Heaven?  I had read the book several years ago, but it was not relevant to me like it is now.  The movie was on the Hallmark Channel over the weekend.  Very touching movie.  Now I am sitting here crying, wondering who my 5 people would be!!!???  My sister who died seemed to affect SO many lives - her children, her coworkers, neighbors, family, friends.  Makes me feel sad that I have not influenced as many people.  Is it too late to change???

Sibling Loss / Strange thing happened ...
« on: May 27, 2009, 10:14:12 AM »
At the risk of sounding really crazy.....

About a week ago, I received a card in the mail thanking me for my sympathy and support from the family of a deceased person in S. Carolina (I live in Ohio) that I had never heard of.  It was hand addressed to me.

I did a search on the internet ..... the deceased was a 96 year old woman with a lengthy list of family members, none of which rang a bell with me.

The strangest thing is ..... the woman died the same day as my sister!

What should I make of this?  Just a strange error, or something more like a sign from my sister???!

Did something like this ever happen to any of you?

Sibling Loss / Memorial Day thoughts
« on: May 25, 2009, 04:30:42 PM »
Went to my sister's gravesite this weekend, and it is hard to believe she has been gone a month already!  I still cannot bring myself to watch the DVD I received from her hospice nurses - with pictures of her life and some really sad songs.  I feel guilty for having fun over the weekend at cookouts, and out on the Lake.  Why did she have to get that horrible disease?  Why not someone else - some horribly mean person, not my easy going, personable, loving, and caring sister!!! 

For two weeks after she died, there was so much support:  cards and flowers and gifts and words of sympathy.  Then it all suddenly stopped, and everyone goes back to their own lives.  Does that mean that I am supposed to go back to my normal routine, and stop grieving?

Just wanted to thank all of you for this very helpful forum, and to offer my thoughts as Memorial Day weekend comes to a close ......

Sibling Loss / Angry, and sad
« on: May 14, 2009, 04:46:56 PM »
Just wanted to unload a few feelings today .... I got angry when I saw a license plate on a car advertising they are a "survivor" (why couldn't my sister be a survivor???).  And I feel sad - does anything I do really make a difference?  My sister led a simple life, didn't have any money, etc. -- but over 300 people came to pay their respects at her funeral!  I have a lucrative career and lots of nice things - but if I died tomorrow, who would be there?

Thanks for listening!

Sibling Loss / New to this forum
« on: May 08, 2009, 05:17:35 PM »
Hello, I just found this forum and I am hoping for some peace and healing.  My oldest sister passed away on April 25th at the age of 54 after a horrible battle with cancer.  By day, I work in the public eye so I must be strong and friendly and sociable.  When I come home, I feel so sad and unmotivated.  It has not been quite two weeks yet, and my husband just asked me tonight why I am "STILL" upset. 

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