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Topics - slippingaway

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Grief not related to deaths / I don't know what to do...
« on: April 25, 2009, 04:32:07 AM »
I don't know what to do. I mean, I reckon I have a great support group. 22 friends in fact. 2 of them are my best friends. I try to call one of them up to talk when I'm feeling down but they are not there. Recently, I've been crying myself to sleep at night. Feeling lonely, that no one is listening, that I'm all alone. I don't want to inconvenience them at 9:30PM at night so I cry in my room by myself. I don't want my parents to get involved either because they have already done so much for me and I don't want to trouble them.
Now I know this sounds really dramatic but I've been thinking of death. How easy it would be but fortunately, I can talk myself out of it because I'm too scared of the pain that comes with it, not losing my friends and family pain but the physical pain.

Sometimes, it just gets to me. I'll be all alone in my house all day and I just feel really sad and depressed. This time, I rung my friend up and her mum answers, she goes to get my friend and says that it's me on the phone but I hear my friend screaming, "I don't care. I simply just don't care."

I don't know why I get so down all the time. I have plenty of friends, enough food, water and a big house under my head. I shouldn't be complaining but now...I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? Did I do something wrong? What should I do?

Please help me.

Thank you,
Natasha (15 years)

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