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Topics - casper

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Main / People can't give away what they don't have
« on: April 15, 2009, 03:43:48 PM »
Yesterday was a very disturbing day. My encouraging words from a pastor friend.

Please keep in mind, I have only spoke to him once since my husband's passing. I am little over 1 month on this horrific journey.

His conversation went like this:

Capser,  "This is going to be cruel",  but "Get on with your life", your husband is gone. You are free,enjoy life. Get out and have some fun. When you come to work; "Don't think about your husband". 

My response wanted to be "Yes, sir, do I bow now or later". Who does this man think he is to tell me what to do? He is not my pastor, and he was "out of line" giving me advice. I was so angry so angry that I couldn't speak. I wanted to cry, run and slap his advice into the next room. Then I realized, "he can't give what he doesn't have". He didn't have the compassonite loving advice that was needed. He didn't have any encouraging words, because he was discouraged his self. He couldn't over me a bit of joy because he didn't have. I now know what the BIBLE means when it talks about the Fruit of the Spirit--why does the BIBLE speak of such. Because Christians need that, to give to others when they are hurting. This man would have been better off, to keep quite. I walked away discouraged, lonely, rejected, guilty, and shameful for being in the state that I am in.
It took me coming home, and crying my eyes out and talking to myself that "it is ok to feel what I am feeling". When I got married, God made my husband "one", then when God took him, that took a part of the "whole". When part of the "whole" is taken, that leaves 1/2 so  It is ok for me to feel like a 1/2 person.  It is ok for me to feel "lost" without my soul mate. It is ok for me to feel lonely, the man I spent 28 years with is not with me any longer. I loved my husband more than life---for me to "get up and shake it off". My world has forever changed, and that has changed me. Friends, it is ok, to feel whatever you all are feeling. 

Feeling angry as I remember this conversation
Casper :o

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Main / Emotions that Bind us together: Thank you
« on: April 13, 2009, 05:22:19 PM »
I appreciate each of your posting, sharing our most painful emotions, thoughts and lifting up others that are feeling the same.

I just lost my husband, 1 month ago. I have begged from others books so I could relate to someone or something, as to the emotions I was feeling.  When I shared with others, ti allowed them to make me feel guility, fearful, and many times judged.  My life and world was so heavy. Each time I broke down, someone wanted to push a pill down me, ( nothing wrong taking meds). I tried to tell others";
I need to talk", someone, please talk with me. Tell me what I am feeling is normal, but you know, people were so afraid to talk to me. They were afraid that I would breakdown, or they would be bringing up  a subject that I couldn't handle. I needed to connect sooooo bad. I felt so alone. When i came to this website, I had so much I wanted to say....I thought I have found a place I can connect with others, in which I don't have to put on a plastic face. I have gained strength, hope and more than anything "approval" from others that it is "OK" to feel what you are feeling. I needed this website so bad and I appreciate each and every one of you. Please keep posting; I have felt most of what others has shared. I don't feel like  an alien. I feel like I have connect with others pain, that make my pain less in degree. Thank you all so much.       

The depth of our grief is the depth of the love we shared with the one we loss.
Thank each of you; I am not ashamed to say "I need your help and support, in such a time as this". You all have been my "light-on a dark path". My lighthouse to help find my way through.

Casper

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Main / Recently Loss my Husband
« on: April 09, 2009, 06:16:21 PM »
Hello, I was given this site from my Pastors wife through some helpful literature.
I recently, so recently loss my husband after 28 years of marriage. I am totally lost and feel so disconnected to everything. I feel at times I am in an ocean and the waves of emotion are drowning me; I come up for air only to have another wave take down. I bobble along with not since of direction. I can't find my purpose in life outside of my husband. He was all I knew and my strong support for life. He was my best friend and all together a great person.

My husband became ill in October last year; after numberous test the doctors said he had a tumor on his kidney; it was removed in January of this year; one surgery lead another to another. Then we found out he had a rare disease where his body stored protein in his organ eventually shuting down his kidneys. My husband had 6 surgery- one in which he almost bled to death. Our stay at the hoptial was a roller coster ride. He had one sickness after another. He always warned me "he would never come home" I would try to keep his spirit up and tell him everything was going to be ok. However, I was so wrong. My husband went on to be with the Lord in Feburary. He stayed in the hospital the entire month; before his passing the doctors said they thought he could come home. I was making special arrangements to make that happen; ordering wheelchairs, walkers, and getting the house done over to commadate his new life. In the meantime with me doing this, the Lord was preparing his home in Heaven. I didn't get to bring my husband home. He was found unresponsive and his heart quit beating. My whole life was turned upside down. I can't see past pain of me missing him so much. My heart has a hole that can't be healed.
I have often ask myself, "did I do enough --could I had done something different that could have saved his life"?  I have been in shock up until this past few weeks, reality is
my husband is never going to sit at the table again, watch TV with me again, kiss me goodnight again. This is so overwhelming that it causes me to have panic attacks and I feel I am losing ground. I just don't see why he didn't get any better; and why all the other sickness had to attack his body. My world as I knew it is forever changed and that cripples me. Knowing my husband will not be at home when I get off work; knowing that I can't cook for him. Knowing we can't laugh, cry and share our inner thoughts and longings is so scary. I miss him more than any words could ever express.
I have been asking and pleading for some literature on what I have been going through. I can't connect to anyone, but at the same time I need someone to talk to. Nothing seems real. I so despertly wanted to connect to someone; to see if anyone is feeling what I am feeling; but I can't tell anyone what I am feelling--I feel so many different things and all at the same time. I am lonely for me husband--I long to hear his voice- touch his face. I am so very sad.

I have begged from others--help--help me understand what I am going through;
is anyone else feeling so hopeless and without purpose?


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