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Topics - stampingwidow

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Andy or hixguy
« on: June 16, 2013, 06:54:55 PM »
Your private email address did not work & I have been unable to reach you here.  Hope we do not loose touch, Ann

Spouse, Partner Loss / A down day
« on: March 30, 2013, 06:03:52 PM »
I thought 7 were coming for Easter Dinner, now no one is coming.  They can not help it but it is  .   It is disappointing.  My granddaughter has the flu so my daughters family are not coming.  My sister- in- law has the flu & a dear elderly friend is hospitalized with the flu, pneumonia, and a possible infection of her heart.  Fortunately I had not done a lot of preparation before learning all of this.  I have a bunch of pickled beets & eggs to eat.  Most other things will keep or freeze.

Our tenant that had taken over the herd of cows is moving to a new facility & taking the cows with him.  All but 3 were his now any way.  It will be the first that there will not be cows here for well over 100 years.  The farm will seem very empty.  I did not think it would bother me but it feels like a big part of my husband is leaving!   The farm is going to feel dead!  There will be one horse left here but that is all.  The horse belongs to young neighbors.

There has been a lot of traffic going in & out.  He had several employees plus the milk truck & trucks bringing in feed etc.  the place will feel dead.  I dread it!  It feels like Robert is dying all over again.

Spouse, Partner Loss / After effects of Christmas
« on: December 27, 2012, 12:54:40 PM »
It was wonderful to have friends & family around for Christmas.  My kids got their act together & gave me the peaceful Christmas that I requested.  So many went out of their way to do nice things for me this Christmas.  Yes there were teary times and an occasional lonely time but all in all it was not so bad.  Now the hard time starts.  My son & his family left for home today.  People will go on with their lives.  The loneliness will start. I am prone to falling, so will be shut- in more.  I have a tremendous amount of things to do but it is overwhelming too.  Guess I am feeling sorry for myself this afternoon.  Sorry to be such a downer.  Ann

Spouse, Partner Loss / Please help me find it
« on: December 24, 2012, 02:59:53 AM »
Somewhere on this site I saw an article entitled " gifts Garlands & grief.  It was with some recommended  reading that I have never noticed before.  Does anyone know where this article can be found? 

Spouse, Partner Loss / A wonderful day!
« on: December 15, 2012, 09:38:07 PM »
Wonderful days during this journey are rare for me but today was one of the special days.  A young family came & decorated my tree, put out my collection of crŤches, & fed my birds,.We all had a marvelous time.  The children were so eager to help and seemed to really enjoy their time here.  My son had brought down all the things we needed.  I had decided not to bother with a tree.  It seemed pointless since I was not hosting the dinner.  I had a ball today with this lovely family.  It did me good to have them here.  If my son & I would have done the decorating, it would have been with sad hearts.  This young family brought me joy!  My daughter & grand daughter were here at the end & joined in the festivities.  It was a great day that turned a sad time into a joyous time.  I am enjoying the tree a great deal!  My message is if someone volunteers to do something like this for you, let them!  You may enjoy it far more than you expect.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Grief at Christmas
« on: December 07, 2012, 08:36:37 AM »
A book called "Decembered Grief" is being helpful to me this year.  Perhaps some of the group would benefit from it too.  The author not only has suffered grief but has been a grief counselor for 20 years.  This book has given me a lot to think about & given me some new understandings.  I found it for sale at Berean Christian Stores but it is also available at Amazon.  I am sharing this with the hope it will help some of you who are struggling this month.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Last holiday together together
« on: November 22, 2012, 07:16:28 AM »
Last year,Thanksgiving was our last holiday together.  We had a wonderful day at our daughter's .  I took a beautiful picture of three generations: father, daughter & granddaughter.  He looks so happy & loving in it but far older than I remembered.

I feel his loss acutely this morning!  I am sure this will be difficult for us all, today.  We lost Robert almost two weeks later.  Part of the problem is I have nothing I have to do.  Usually I would be hustling around preparing food or getting ready for guests.  In her kindness, my daughter told me not to bring anything today.  Last night I made cranberry relish.  One of the attendees is a recent widow and she loves the relish.  I plan on sending some home with her.  Making it helped get through last evening.  Don't feel it is wise to make anything else as her menu is well planed & I do not want to intrude.  I have been making progress in this awful grief process.  The next couple of months will be extremely difficult.  I' ll do the best that I can, do not expect things to be easy.  Last year I was too numb to feel the pain.  This year will be probably the hardest.  My family will be supportive but I need to remember to support them too,and remember they are also grieving . 

My heart goes out to all who will find this holiday difficult.  At least those of us that participate here have the support from the group and today that is something to be thankful for.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Progress
« on: September 21, 2012, 05:38:25 PM »
Frequently I drive by the cemetery where my loved one was buried.  Rarely do I stop.  In the past, when I have visited his grave it has been very painful and I was depressed the rest of the day.  Yesterday. I drove through the cemetery to check on the condition of the flowers that I have on graves there.  I stopped at the grave site and then went on to my parents, grand parents etc.  On the way home I suddenly realized that I had not cried and though I miss my husband, I was okay.  I never have felt that he was there but in heaven.  I felt him leave me, which was excruciating.  This is the first cemetery visit that has not been awful.  I seemed to be at peace and that my friends is a big change and an indicator that I am actually making progress on this awful journey.  It gives me hope for the future.  I thought I would post a positive entry as so many that I have posted have been painful feelings.

Spouse, Partner Loss / I ran away
« on: August 22, 2012, 07:43:16 PM »
Sunday was Robert's family reunion.  My daughter & I did not attend.  At the business meeting each person has to tell how they are part of the family.  Later you are asked to tell of any deaths in the family during the past year.  As secretary I prepared sign-in sheets and places for people to record births & deaths etc.  I gave all the secretarial materials to one of Roberts cousin with a letter of resignation.  I could not face announcing his death to all those people.  I could not face all the well-meaning out of state people who would offer condolences but would expect me to console them on his loss.  Monday morning a few of us got together for breakfast & that was nice as they were supportive but not overwhelming.   Robert strongly disliked how deaths in the family were handled and when he was president they were not announced but they have returned to that format.  I think he would have supported my decision not to attend.  I will undoubtedly return in a rear or two but this year felt the need to protect myself from unnecessary pain.  Ann

Spouse, Partner Loss / Doing a little better.
« on: August 08, 2012, 02:53:03 PM »
I am still depressed but things are looking a little better.  People in my Church are welcoming me back to help them.  I am calling a meeting of Church Council to try and get them back on track.  It will be interesting to see how they respond to the new me.  Since Robert's death I am no longer willing to do all the work.  If they will cooperate & get things done, I will be glad to work with them.  I took back the job of Moderator but not head of the women's group or Christian Education Chairperson.  I did all that all at the same time & more.  Things will be different this time or I will be gone.

The acceptance of my returning as Moderator has been gratifying.  I also have been blessed with two young, loving children that are coming and visiting me each evening.  They are like rays of sunshine.  I reached a turning point in that I can finally look at pictures of my husband and enjoy them instead of bawling.  I take that as a sign that some healing is taking place.  We each need to look for some positive signs that we are healing.  If we do not look for them we will probably dwell on all the negatives and we certainly have plenty of those.  Hope that some of you will also find some signs of healing.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Tomorrow
« on: July 07, 2012, 03:30:02 PM »
Tomorrow would have been our 45th wedding anniversary.  I am fortunate that we shared that many years together.  It is far more than we anticipated.  I should be focusing on the good things in our life together.  It hurts so much, makes me feel so alone.  His cousin is taking me out to dinner tomorrow.  They have been so supportive.  I am fortunate to have them near by.  So many have forgotten or do not understand my grief.  A very nice young person told me to do something nice for my self tomorrow.  He does not realize, that at this point, nothing much will help.  Ann

Spouse, Partner Loss / Goals for us all
« on: July 07, 2012, 03:21:32 PM »
A friend posted this on facebook.  It is something to aspire too.  In our grief we probably will not feel able to do this but it is a set of positive goals for us to work towards.

"Had to share this....was on a friend's status: ďAt any given point you can release your greatest self. Donít let anyone hold you back. Donít let anyone dilute you. Donít be peer pressured into being less than you are. People willing to dilute themselves for the sake of others is one of the great tragedies of our time. Stop letting others define and set the pace for your life. Get out there and be your best. Do your best. Live your best. Make every day count and youíll see how exponentially more exciting, thrilling, successful, happy and full your life will be.Ē
~Steve Maraboli
If everyone tried to live to their best the world would be a much

Spouse, Partner Loss / This says it so well
« on: June 25, 2012, 06:41:10 AM »
"I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again.
I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake from which Iíll never part.
God has you in His arms, I have you in my heart."

"Daddy" found at the "Magnolias Place" blog.

Spouse, Partner Loss / How did I miss it?
« on: June 19, 2012, 11:16:51 AM »
This afternoon I scrolled through photographs that I selected for my husbands memorial video.  The pictures taken in the last few months of his life clearly show that his health & mental state were rapidly declining.  Friends and family have made comments that I must have known the end was near at hand, but I did not see it or feel it.  His death was a huge shock.  I thought we had lots of time together yet.  Today, as I look through the photos, it is shocking to me.  In my minds eye, he does not look so awful.  The last few months photos show him, fatigued and depressed.  It breaks my heart!  Fortunately I know that I encouraged him to seek additional medical medical help.  I feel that I should have nurtured him more and showed my love more.  He tried so hard to nurture & support me, a caregiver to the end and that makes me feel very guilty and sad.  Ann

Spouse, Partner Loss / Progress
« on: May 07, 2012, 09:15:46 AM »
Like many here, I am making progress one step at a time.  Sunday I attended an amusing play at a small theater in a neighboring city.  It was a fundraiser for our high school drama club.  The reason I attended was to support their adviser & the club.  The play was amusing.  It was in a theater that my husband & I used to attend occasionally.  It brought back some nice memories.  Appetizers were served before the performance and I visited with many people who seemed thrilled that I was out and about finally.  This the first fun thing that I have attended since my husbands death.  It is the first time I have driven to the city since his death.  This is located near a shopping mall and many many other stores.  I handled it with ease.  I am finally getting comfortable  driving the SUV we bought shortly before my husbands death.  I came home feeling positive about the experience.  It showed me that it is possible to have some fun.   It makes me feel a little more hopeful that I can still live a pleasant life.

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