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Topics - Michelle C

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Hello everyone...
« on: October 23, 2011, 10:11:28 AM »
It's been awhile since I have been on here... Can't believe that my clarence has been gone almost 3 years. seems like just yesterday, I saw him take his last breath.. I want to thank all of my friends on here.. i wouldn't have made it without you..

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Main / 360 days and counting
« on: January 01, 2010, 09:05:11 PM »
360 days ago I had to let go of my best friend.. Faith decided things for us and God sealed the deal. Clarence left me to go home. I didnt know how I would make it through but God did. He sent me angels.. my webhealing angels..Haven't heard ur voices (except for Carrie).. havent seen ur smiles.. but can call u each by name...U guys have walked this journey with me. Sucking up your own sorrow and allowing me to share with u my world with my man.. I got a long way to go... but just know that u guys have made things better for me and my girls. I love u guys through and through.. So my new years wish is that u get back what u have given to me.. and that is love, hope and strength!!!

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Main / Hello everyone...
« on: October 08, 2009, 02:35:05 PM »
ok.. so where do I begin...

It's been awhile since I have been on here... not because I wanted it that way but because I moved and my internet was just hooked back up today.. just a little update:

I bought a house with the money that Clarence left me. life is so bitter sweet... the day I got the keys I was crying and not because I was happy but because I was so sad that Clarence was not here to enjoy this time with me. He loved me and my kids so much that he made sure that we could finish our dream. Baby I hope I have made u proud! :-[....

My oldest daughter moved out with her bff (lol) and now lives about 15 mins away :-\ ....

My grandson is moving with his mom to Texas in about 2 weeks :'(...   

My job told me that they were going to have to abolish 3 positions at my station.. Then can back and told me that I made it through this round. Next time.. I might not be this lucky ???

I have had some major things go on this year! and all decisions I have had to make on my own.. it feels strange not to have Clarence to lean on.... Saddness still here.. nothing has changed there. Less crying.. so I guess I must be getting better..

Happy to be online. Talk to u all soon


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Main / What we did to celebrate Clarence's Birthday...
« on: June 19, 2009, 04:38:16 PM »
Thanks for all of the Birthday wishes for Clarence...

About 10 of us went and sat at his grave.. It was really nice
Then we went and had lunch together... Stayed with them for about 5 hours... I couldn't eat.. my stomach was in knots... But it was still a nice day overall.. considering :-\

On the 28th of this month... We will be having a motorcycle ride down the coast in honor of Clarence... (He picked this route) This will be the first official "Clarence's Ride"... I'm sooo sad that he wont be here to ride. I will ride in a car because I only trusted Clarence to ride me on a motorcycle... Anybody on this coast... Sacramento area.. feel free to come!!!! I would love to meet my friends...  email me!!!

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Main / Happy Birthday Clarence
« on: June 15, 2009, 03:58:21 PM »
I just wanted to say
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Clarence...
Tomorrow he turns 59..
Love u baby....

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Main / I've only wanted you...
« on: May 20, 2009, 02:10:38 PM »
If I could have a lifetime wish...
A dream that would come true...
I'd pray to God with all my heart..
For yesterday and you...

A thousand words can't bring you back...
I know because I've tried...
And neither will a million tears...
I know because I've cried...

You left behind my broken heart...
and happy memories too...
I've never wanted memories...
I've only wanted you...

By: The Lane Family

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Main / Hello my friends...
« on: April 27, 2009, 04:13:40 PM »
I just wanted everyone to know that I was thinking of them.. I haven't been on here in a few weeks.. I've been trying to deal with everything that has been thrown my way... Life is still the same.. still soooo sad and missing my Clarence so very much.. I go to his gravesite every week.. sometime twice a week and I cry and I scream because it's so unfair... I think the Only thing that I come to terms with is that he is really not coming back...no matter what I do or how good I am.. He is gone... So now what I ask??? Im not sure.. I am just trying to hang on and stay above water...
Love, prayers, and many thanks to my friends...

Michelle

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Main / Just 8 weeks ago... I am sooo sad today
« on: March 03, 2009, 06:34:44 PM »
Just 8 weeks ago...
Just 8 Tuesday's ago...
Just 55 days, 20 hours and 50 mins ago...

I was sitting in a hospital room whispering in Clarence's ear that it was ok for him to leave us and that one day we will be together again....

I was sitting there trying to hold my breath to match his breathing...
One breath... 17 seconds...
Another breath.... 20 seconds...

Until there was no more inhales or exhales..
Until there was no more Pulse..
Until there was no more Clarence...

I lifted him up and I gave him a kiss and I told him good-bye.. All the time thinking is this it??? Is this really it??? My Clarence is really gone???

How quickly did our life change... Just 24 hours earlier we were at home... enjoying the night...Then BOOM... the world began to spin... Spinning and Spinning to the out of control point... At times when I think I have it all under control...At times I feel like I have a handle on all of this... And then something happens and I break down and I realize that I am still in that hospital room... I am still holding his hand... I am still feeding him ice chips... trying to act like everything will work out... I didnt have the guts to tell him that the home he was talking about going to was not ours... it was God's.. Wondering if he already knew that he was leaving this life... As he slipped away something in me left too. My dreams... My hope... My sunshine... My friend... My partner... My lover... My man...

How I hurt right now... How I pray for peace... How I pray for just one good day... How I want my life back...


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Main / A poem: Today by Lyndie Sorenson
« on: February 22, 2009, 12:02:01 AM »
TODAY
by Lyndie Sorenson
Today it hurt like yesterday...
tomorrow will be the same
Only the day and date will change...
the rest will all remain.

When someone asks me how I am...
or what it is I do?
The answer to those questions are...
I wish I were with you.

There is no way to explain this pain...
or how it is I feel
I try to get up every day...
and somehow try to deal.

Although it seems as if I'm fine ...
I've learned how to just hide
I place a mask upon my face...
and keep it deep inside.

I cry when no one is around...
can't face what they might say
I have heard so many hurtful words...
I have felt so very betrayed.

They think time heals everything...
but that just is not true
I know I will not heal...
being left here without you.

Each morning when I wake up...
the sorrow is still here
I wish this was some big mistake...
that I have lived for years.

All I have are pictures ...
and my many memories
That often are so painful...
that never will be eased.

I long to have you back with me...
but know it won't come true
I will never have that life again...
that life with me and you.

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Main / I wish you enough....
« on: February 16, 2009, 10:09:49 AM »
Recently I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, 'I love you and I wish you enough'.

The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom'.


They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this forever good-bye?'

'I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means? '.

She began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone'. She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough', we want the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them'. Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. 

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them but then an entire life to forget them.

To all my friends , acqaintances and loved ones ,
I WISH YOU ENOUGH
 
Not sure who wrote this... but I wish u all enough...

love, hugs, and prayers'''

 
 
 
 
 

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Main / Tomorrow...
« on: February 13, 2009, 08:06:46 PM »
I know that tomorrow will be rough on all of us... I am praying that we all make it through...

Like I told Ray.. We all have been blessed sooo much... We all know what real love feels like... Alot of ppl don't get that chance...

So I am going to remember all of the good times... And wrap my heart with all of the words that Clarence left me with...

Lots of prayers and hugs for everybody...

Michelle

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Main / right now....
« on: February 09, 2009, 10:48:00 AM »
Right now... I am soooo sad. I want my life back.. It's not fair... I just dont understand why... I cant sleep... I dont want to go to work... all i do is cry... Im really no good to nobody right now... I hate my life... I wish i could have left with him... i feel bad for my kids... I feel like a stalker.. all if do is stare at his pictures.. write in my book... look at this site... I dont know where to go.. who to turn to... my helper is gone...wish i could go back and fix this...to love the hurt away... I have a mountain of pictures all over my room... I think I am going crazy...Praying for peace...

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Main / My baby love passed away on 01/06/2009
« on: January 23, 2009, 08:43:02 PM »
There is not one minute of the day that goes by without me thinking of my clarence... We were perfect together. He was the piece I was missing.We started dating 10 years ago... and was together all the way up to his last breath. He died from liver cancer... The doctors said that he had up to a year to live but he only lived 4 months. Even on the last day, I couldnt believe that he was really leaving me... No words left unspoken between us.. Love was a big part of our relationship. He reminded me everyday just how much I meant to him and just how blessed he was to have me... I was his world and he was my everything. Now I am empty.. I come home to an empty house.. I wake up to an empty bed.. I go to work feeling empty inside and I hate my life right now.. How does this work?? How can ppl be so happy when I am sick inside?? Life just goes on.. but it seems like my ended at 7:05pm on 01/06/2009

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