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Main / Zoe fat cat/ is now zoe zoe fat cat
« on: January 20, 2009, 12:16:13 PM »
zoe  fat cat is now zoe zoe fat cat I had to change my name because I never received the e-mail to reset my password for my first name I just wanted to thank you all who responded to my topic and I'm also sorry for all your losses as well I am doing better i see a therapist once a week she is trying to help me through me  through this tragic loss but I always eat to numb the pain that I was feeling and food is my drug of choice in 2005 before my sister died I was a great frame of mind I walked every day 5-7 miles I lost 70 pounds I also did the marathon 26.2 miles in New York City for breast cancer that was in year 2006 when she died my sister promised me that I would walk it she died in May and walk was in October of that year I did walk it but six months to the day my sister died on November 7, 2006 went to the emergency room and found out I was pregnant two days  later I had a miscarriage 11/9/2006 so  it   plunged me deeper and deeper and deeper into a huge depression and of course I ate and ate and ate it is January 20, 2009 and I weigh 321 pounds i am 9 pounds away from the day I started walking in 2005 which was 330  I am not sure what to do I realize I'm slowly killing myself in some ways I'm not sure if it really care but I do care i want to live I'm not sure how to stop eating if I smoke t I could quit   if I did heroine I could quit unfortunately we need food to survive we don't need  to smoke we don't need to do drugs I don't drink and I just can't get myself in the same frame of mind that I was in 2005  it's like the spark is gone everything  is  dull when she first died I was in this huge black hole the only thing that was keeping me from not losing IT was a piece of thread or even piece of hair I was holding onto I climbed up out of the hole finally but I just can't seem to get  that spark back it's like that Claritin commercial on television there's a film over the commercial and then when they  TAKE Claritin free the film goes away and everything looks clear again I just can't seem to remove the film people tell me that I'll get better with time well  IT BEEN  three years  this may  DOES anyone know of any groups like this for eating disorders the Dr. that prescribes antidepressants that I'm on  diagnosed me with an eating disorder which I could've told him that I feel lost Kathy is the sister  I would go to for advice and she would not judge me she would listen to me give me her opinion and I would listen to her and we just figured things out together. my other sister Nora says that she  protected me too much she'd  did not allow me to  grow up enough and become more independent because I used a caller and talk to her get her  ADVICE i AND her opinion on things in my life when I lived in Massachusetts  she was just a call all way  when I lived in Maryland she was just a call away I guess what I'm trying to say she was there emotionally for me   and I don't get along with my sister Nora as much as I  got along with MY sister Kathy I am married but it's different my husband wants to fix everything he just doesn't listen with Kathy we were   EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED she would  listen  to my feelings than just tell me things  would be fine if I had an argument with my husband she listened to me and seemed to understand so I guess there's no place safe she was like a safe place to me to go to  AND SHE would  NOT judgment  ME   KATHY love me. KATHY  MADE  me feel important like I mattered she was a great sister I miss her so much like I said she wasn't just my sister   KATHY WAS ALSO MY mother and my best friend  thank you for listening to me ramble on about my life I appreciate it very much  have a good day

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