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Topics - momofwatsonx

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Child Loss / touchy subject please help
« on: October 17, 2011, 12:37:25 PM »
As most of you know when Josh died my youngest daughter was only 9.  She is now 14 and such a beautiful young lady.....she started highschool this year (the same one Josh went to)... were this affects me alot she said she is ok with it.   Friday two weeks ago she called me and asked if i could bring her some shoes she got something on them during gym.  I did and when i got to the office she was sitting there shaking and visual upset.  I set down while she put on her shoes and asked if she was ok, she started crying and said that her best friend in gym had told her that her brother died, she said it was suicide...he was 21..... I asked how Natasha was and she said she was ok.....(Rachel only grieved a little when Josh died and then said that she would see him again...like he was in a different state.....she told her older sister that she doesnt talk about him or like for people to talk about Josh because she didnt want to be know as the girl with the dead brother) she wanted people to know her as herself.  When she told me about her friend i asked it she told her that she had lost her brother and knew what she was going thru...she said yes, but Natasha seemed fine with it.....Rachel was so upset she couldnt stop crying, i knew that it was from supressing Josh's own death, i took her out of school and spent the day with her...that weekend she asked it she could go to the mall with Natasha, i said yes...she met on of Natasha's friends who works there he is 18...... she gave him her cell and they text as friends a few times...well Sunday night a week ago Rachel didnt feel good so she went to bed early, well at 11pm she came in my room crying and asked if i would come sit with her, I go in the livingroom where she was curled up in the chair crying and asked whats wrong?  She handed me her cell and that guy (natasha's friend) Cory had sent her a text that said "Rachel, I am sorry that i didnt get to know you that well, you seem like an awesome person and i wish things were different...but after tonight this number will no longer be good....because i am taking my own life!"  she had texted him no, why , it cant be that bad please call me, talk to me...please dont do this...she called him he said i cant talk right now and hung up on her.  All this took place before she got me up...... I sat with her as we tryed for a couple of hours to get ahold of him...I tryed to assure her that he was ok....she is hystrical....i had to give her a anixiety pill just to calm her down.... she finally fell asleep....she got up the next morning and tryed him again nothing....she went to school still very up set!  Around lunch time i texted her and asked her if she was ok and she said yes he had just texted her and said that somehow he threw up all the pills after he passed out........and he didnt want to talk about it.   My oldest said that maybe He was just trying to see if Rachel liked him.....I dont know...All i know is that she was going thru hell and refuses to talk to anyone about it... she will talk to her sister sometimes....Im not sure what to do... I hurt to see her hurting.... she is fine now that he is ok and Natasha's brothers funneral is over...but what if something like this happens again... does anyone have any advice?    Sorry about all the miss spellings


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Child Loss / hi everyone
« on: October 16, 2011, 01:51:46 PM »
I  havent been on here in a while i read some of your post from my phone but never post because my phone is kinda screwy.. I just want to say happy anniversary to all that ive missed, happy heavenly birthday and happy birthday....everyone on here holds a very special place in my heart and i just wanted to say that....

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Child Loss / Heavenly Birthdays and Angelversarys
« on: May 18, 2011, 06:45:21 PM »
I havent been on here in a while and i have missed alot of birthdays and angelversarys...... I just wanted to tell you all even though i havent been on here you all have been on my mind and in my heart!!  Much love to you all as we muddle threw another year.

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Child Loss / What do you do on your childs Angelversary?
« on: May 18, 2011, 06:38:45 PM »
May 26, will be 5 years since my son passed..... at first on his angelversary i would invite his friends and family out the the gravesite and i would bring fresh flowers and we would sit around and tell storys and cry.........as the year has passed so has family and friends, I find my self alone at the gravesite crying and telling him how much i miss and love him....

What do you all do on that day?

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Child Loss / Sunday Night
« on: March 30, 2011, 08:13:23 PM »
Sunday Night my two girls, son in law and grandson was going to eat dinner, As i round the curve of hwy330 their was a man laying in the right lane of the hwy.  Their was blood everywhere....my oldest daughter covered her sons eyes and said "DONT LOOK DONT LOOK  OH MY GOD DONT LOOK"   I passed him and pulled off about 200 ft away............my oldest then started crying and asking me if he was dead............ I jump out of my truck and ran across the hwy his motorcycle was in the grass.... I called 911 and went to where the guy was...........People had stopped real close the him and was standing their....... (My son in-law was with the girls and he started say please don't go please do go..........Britt asked him what and he said your mom is going the man.....she don't need to see that!  Then Britt who was still crying told Rachel please don't ever look at Josh's  accident pics that mom has, well Rachel starting crying hysterical.....and say mom don't go down there please don't go down there...........When i got to the man there was no pulse, even though this man said he seen him move...........there was no pulse!  He was really messed up, but in my mind i was thinking i had to help him I had to do something! and then i started thinking about Josh did anybody help him?  It was like if i helped this man than i was helping my son and he would be ok....but there was nothing i could do!!!!  The police got there and the officer walked up to the man and said he you alive, he buddy you alive..........I watched as he put his foot on his back and wiggled it to see he would responded...... Is this how they did Josh?  The officer than said if you didn't see what happened the you can leave.........I made my way back to the car to find the girls hysterical, they asked if he was dead and i said no.......i couldn't tell them yes!  We all were to sick at our stomachs to eat...........We drove around a bit and them came home when we passed by again the ambulance and fire was still there with the road shut down.  That night i was sitting in the livingroom when Britt came in and said i cant get that image out of my head!  The next morning she got on line and read about it and found out he had died at the scene..........  I cant shake the image and wonder is that how my son was treated?  This happed less than a mile from Josh's accident site.

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Child Loss / DEPRESSION AND UNHAPPY THERE IS A DIFFERANCE
« on: August 06, 2010, 10:19:13 AM »
I know all on here is dealing with depression and sadness.... but how can you get someone (my husband) to understand that there is a difference between depression and sadness and just  plain unhappy?   He tells me every day how unhappy I am.... and and he wishes i could be happy again... i try to explain to him that I'm not unhappy with my life when it comes to him and my girls, but yes i am   UNHAPPY, SADDEND, DEPRESSED. THAT I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITHOUT MY SON!!

I know he means well, but he to as many others who has NOT been on this unwanted journey...thinks there is a magic time line that i will just wake up and say hey i am just so dang happy and life is so dang wonderful.....  I have told him that there is a difference with us ,he can pick up the phone and call his son anytime he wants..he has three beautiful grand babies by his son... I will never have grandbabies from my son.... I can't pick up the phone and call anytime i want.....


My doctor says i have PTSD and that i am very depressed..... But I can't make him (hubby) understand that i didn't choose to be like this, I hate being like this!!  I want my world back with my son... He (hubby) ignores me when i try to explain that to him....  I asked him the other day why he always says, that its me...I think that you are the one that not happy... he just made a face which tells me hes not happy he wants the old me back... I feel that i am letting him down, because of the depression... I don't know any other way to make him understand that I am happy with him and I love him very much..


Anyone have any suggestions?

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Child Loss / Hello everyone, Its been a long time!!!
« on: July 11, 2010, 04:17:38 PM »
Hello everyone,  I havent been on here in a long time....alot of stuff going on in my life and just trying to deal with it the best i know how!  First let me tell all the new members on here that I am sorry for you loss!  Well as i said theres alot going on.... May 26 was Josh's 4 year angelversary...... and the 18 of July it would of been his 23 birthday.... It is really kicking my butt, I am trying to deal with it... this past year, I lost both Parents, my mom passed away in June and my dad in Oct... I havent dealt with any of that yet... I wasnt that close to my parents as i once was so i was able to push it away and not deal with it.... my dad moved in with me into Josh's room so i could take care of him, and the cancer took him away, he passed away in Josh's room... very hard to go in there..... but as i said i hadnt dealt with there deaths yet..... Ive been having a lot of medical problems, when dad was here i was helping him from bed to potty chair, and his legs were so week that they would give out... I ended up tearing to ligaments in my back...pluss i have two herinated disk in the lower back....   I am glad i have this board to come too...Theres not a second that goes by that i do not think about Josh.. I miss him so much and it doesnt seem to be getting easier...I love you Josh...

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Child Loss / lifes got me down
« on: September 30, 2009, 11:07:29 AM »
I havent been on here in a long time, I find myself withdrawing from the world again.... I wonder just how much one person is suppose to handle?  As most of you know after Josh's 3rd angel versery,  mom passed and we found out dad had cancer, well he isnt doing good at all, i stay with him during the day and my sister stays here at nite..... we just found out his baby brother has cancer..... my husband has been sick, my nephew is sick and we dont know whats going on with eighter one....  I have been having problems with my back again I need two more surgerys on it but i just dont have the time to be down....

I just wanted to let all of you know that you all are still in my prayers

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Child Loss / Joshua 22nd birthday
« on: July 17, 2009, 03:35:43 PM »
Saturday will be Josh 22nd birthday.... I am having a hard time dealing with it and everything else going on in my life... Happy Birthday Baby... I miss you!!!   I Love You!!!! mom

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Child Loss / WHAT SHOULD I SAY?
« on: April 12, 2009, 08:57:32 PM »
HEY EVERYONE I HAVENT WROTE ON HERE IN A WHILE BUT I HAVE A QUESTION....  OK SATURDAY MY HUSBAND, DAUGHTER AND I  WENT OUT TO JOSH'S GAVESITE AND AS WE SAT THERE IT BECAME HARDER ON ME,  I JUST LAYED ON HIS GRAVE AND CRYED AND CRYED... I GO THERE ALL THE TIME MOSTLY BY MYSELF AND I DO OK.. I JUST HAD A PIT IN MY STOMACH...

WHEN WE GOT BACK HOME MY SISTER CALLED ME AND ASKED ME IF I REMEMBER A LADY SHE WORKED WITH A FEW YEARS AGO, I SAID YEAH  SHE LIVED DOWN THE STREET FROM OUR PARENTS AND I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HER SISTER AND WE WERE REAL CLOSE.   SHE HAS TWO KIDS THEY ARE THE SAME AGE AS MINE.    I SAID WHY?  SAID THAN YOU REMEMBER HER LITTLE BOY MIKEY?  I SAID YEAH HE IS JOSH'S AGE..... SHE SAID HE WAS IN A SINGLE CAR ACCIDENT ON WEDNESDAY AND KILLED...... HE LEAVES BEHIND A 2 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND HIS WIFE IS DUE IN WEEKS WITH HIS SON.....  HE WAS ONLY 21..   

HIS FUNERAL IS TOMORROW MORNING AND I SAID I WOULD BE THERE, BUT WHAT DO I SAY TO HIS MOM?  WE ALL KNOW HOW "I'M SORRY"  ISN'T WORTH SAYING... I KNOW WHAT SHE IS FEELING AND THE HELL SHE IS GOING TO GO THUR BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I SHOULD SAY.  AND HIS WIFE?

I KNOW THAT THIS  IS GOING TO BE SO HARD.... IT IS GOING TO TAKE BE BACK TO JOSH'S FUNERAL I AM SURE, AND HE IS BEING BURRIED IN THE SAME GRAVEYARD AS JOSH.....  I WANT TO BE THERE FOR HER BUT I AM NOT SURE WHAT I SHOULD SAY I KNOW EVERYONE KEEP TELLING ME THAT THEY WERE SORRY FOR MY LOSS AND THAT HE WAS IN A BETTER PLACE AND THAT HE WASN'T HURTING..... I KNOW HOW I FELT WHEN THEY SAID THESE THINGS TO ME, I WANT TO EXPRESS THAT I UNDERSTAND HER PAIN AND KNOW WHAT SHE IS GOIN THUR BUT NOT SOUND STUPID...... 

WHAT WHOULD YOU SAY?

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Child Loss / haven't been here in a while
« on: October 27, 2008, 05:08:20 PM »
Hi everyone, I just wanted to say i am sorry for all the birthdays and angel anniversarys that i have missed... Things have been so crazy lately that it has sent be backwards and i am fighting my way back... First we got hit with hurricane Ike, and then on 9-26-08 my husband was in a wreak, he was leaving work when someone driving on the shoulder hit him and spun him around into a ditch, the odd thing is that this was 9-26 at 4:03 and Josh accident was 5-26 at 3;03.. he is fine, i guess, he wont tell me the truth, i know he hurt his back but wont go to the doctor, he said i have went so far backwards that he is scared that he might loose me... I started having nightmares if i sleep so i try not to sleep.... he had to go out of town this is the first time since Josh died, and i am so scared, i will be driving down the road and my mind starts telling me just to stear hard right no one will know.... i am going back to my doctor to see if she can increase my meds because this scares me.    I hope that i didn't offend anyone with this post i just wanted to vent.

Josh's mom
virgie

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Child Loss / MACY'S FIRST ANGEL DATE
« on: June 13, 2008, 06:33:16 PM »
I don't know how many of you remember Dawson... He was only on here for a short time... there was just to much drama in his life to keep posting... his heart felt tear and broken heart and soul was being twisted and posted on a local newpapers forum... after they twisted it to fit there need....

Anyway June 14, 2008 is the first Angel Date of his lovely little girl Macy.... for those of you who dont know the story last year Macy, her cousin Loral and some of there friends Bobby his brother and one of the boys girlfriend was out joy riding late at night and from what i understand Bobby was speeding trying to get the girls home came upon a parked train  ( there were no lights or crossing arm and it was pitch dark) not seeing the train they ran up under it after hitting it at a high speed.........

anyway that night Macy, Loral, Bobby's brother and I  think the other girl, lost there lives..... these kids were only in Jr. high....

Bobby survied and is now on trail...

but my point in all this is Please Keep these Family's in your thoughts and prayers.....

DAWSON IF YOU ARE READING THIS.... STAY STRONG... I WISH YOU THE STRENGHT TO GET THUR TODAY AND I HOPE THAT MACY SENDS YOU A SIGN TO LET YOU KNOW SHE IS NEAR....

KEEPING YOU IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS, MY EMAIL AND NUMBER IS STILL THE SAME IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK.... 

I AM GOING TO TRY TO GO BY THE ACCIDENT SITE TOMORROW....

VIRGIE   JOSH'S MOM

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Child Loss / MamaAnn
« on: June 01, 2008, 06:41:56 PM »
I read your SOS post, and i just wanted to say I am so sorry for the loss of your son... Your are at such an early stage (3 weeks)  my heart goes out to you.... I know at this early stage you are more than likely still in shock... It has been 2 years since i lost my son and there are days it is so unreal... the shock last a long time at least it has for me.... I am sorry you had to come to this site, but glad that you found it,so you have a place to go and vent, scream and cry...  we are here for you... When you are up to it please tell us 
about your son...

thinking of you and sending you a ((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers

virgie

Josh's mom

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Child Loss / Josh's Angel Date
« on: May 26, 2008, 07:50:20 AM »
Josh,

The pain is so real it seems as only yesterday that you left me.... my heart is broken ......and my spirit has died.... I long to see you face.... to hug and kiss you... I want you back!!!!!!

Today is so hard, I dont know how i will handle it.... everyone having a good time enjoying memorial day and i am just so lonely and sad......

Son... I wanted to say Happy Angel Anniversary!

I ask for a sign to know your near.....
I will be going to the cementary in just a few..... need to go get some flowers and balloons.

I love you and miss you more than words can express.....

Love MOM

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Child Loss / I have a question about therapy
« on: May 23, 2008, 09:14:23 PM »
hi every one.... once again i have a question.... I finally went to see a therapy..... as most of you know Monday the 26.... is Josh's second anniversary and I still am having a hard time handling it... my doctor switched my meds to Wellbutrin... I haven't noticed a difference,  but I know you have to give it time....

So here is my question.... I went and seen the therapy and in tears told her my story and how the morgue called to tell me Josh died in a car wreak...... this was very emotional and intense... I am truly seeking help on dealing with Josh's  death,    I still find my self at the grave-site and not realizing it I start digging holes with my hands wanting to get him out...... 

The therapist seemed nice enough, but she was very blunt, she said that I had to get over this and accept the fact that Josh was gone and was never coming back.... that I needed to stop thinking what if and blaming myself, and just say   Josh i love you and never will forget you but this is bringing me down and I need to get on with my life so I am letting you go physically......( she said then and only then could I have him in spirit)   this seems so extreme...... I don't know how someone is suppose to do this...... she said she had suffered a lot of losses in her life but she has never lost a child.

Those that has seen a therapist, is this a normal response.... and how did you go about doing this......
I do find myself setting on the outside looking in   wanting to be part of my family, but don't know how

If anyone can offer advice, please help...... as Monday gets closer the deeper I sink.

Help

virgie     JOSH'S mom

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