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Topics - sharpie22

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Grief not related to deaths / Girlfriend needs time to find herself
« on: December 21, 2008, 09:00:18 PM »
Hi all, I'm new to this so every little thing may help by your insight. I have been dating a girl for about a year and three months. Previous to me she went through 2 different relationships lasting about 4 years each. Each one of these relationships ended for a specific reason, nothing associated with her having doubts, just incompatibility. Anyways, getting back to me and her, lately we have been fighting off and on. About little things, things like we think that the other said something and we took it the wrong way or minor things like that. But the problem is that sometimes these arguments can get pretty heated and we both get upset about it to a great deal because in our hearts I know we both love each other more than anything. We see alot of each other when we are at school together (college) and when we come home we try to see each other some too, and hang out with the other's family. Whenever we are apart however, there is an unusual amount of reflecting that goes on in my girlfriends head, and my head to an extent also. Recently when coming home for winter break, she has decided that even though she loves me and wants to be with me that she needs some time to find herself. She knows that we have been having some problems and she thinks that part of that is to due with the fact that she is almost (as she calls it) "claustrophobic" in any relationship at the present time. She has been in a relationship for literally the past 9 years of her life and it is just getting to the point where she does not know who she is alone anymore. So....she wants a break.

We broke up over the past weekend and cried and got upset like usual breakups go. But it was not like usual in the fact that we both knew that we wanted to be with one another and that we repeatedly told each other that we loved one another throughout it all. I think that I was more upset than her and she consoled me alot after we discussed it, even getting angry at times because in her perspective she said that, "I must think that she is the worst person in the world for doing this." I obviously do not feel this way and still love the woman very much, but I do not know what to do. I do not want to be apart from her. To me, she is what makes me who I am, so losing her feels like losing a part of myself.

My question is, what do I do? Do I just accept the fact that she wants to be alone for a while and try to move on or do I pursue a relationship with her which what I want in my heart? I do not want to start dating again. I know that she is the one for me and that she is the woman that I wish to grow old with. The woman makes a part of me whole and I feel extremely empty inside without her. Although all of this is true though, I know that she needs some space to think and I have no idea how long it will take her. If this is going to take 3 weeks I would be completely fine with it, but if I was still waiting a year down the road then I don't know if i could handle that.

Just get me through this and give me some advice, PLEASE. My heart hurts extremely bad, and it doesn't help that everyone else is happy during the holidays.


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