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Topics - beaman

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Main / don't know how to edit my own post
« on: March 28, 2016, 05:39:23 PM »
Is this function not there?

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Parent Loss / not good today
« on: April 27, 2012, 10:26:28 AM »
at first, i was so angry, about things happened.
just now i looked at my mom's picture,  i couldn't stop crying. i miss my mom. i couldn't stop crying. and i don't think anyone i know in real life would understand. i know people here can understand.
......
i feel better. i guess i'm all right now.
it's 1:24 am i'm sitting in my lab alone.
sorry for the scramble. when i was crying i thought of this place. i wrote while crying.
all right, post it anyway.

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Parent Loss / my first thread-mom passed away
« on: December 25, 2011, 11:00:16 PM »
I'm Chinese, so forgive my English. I've been assimilated into western culture by basketball, movies, and education, so here I am.

I'm 23 male, currently in graduate school. About a year ago my mom died of lung cancer in her forties. She died in less than 2 months since diagnosed. She was my only parent and only family member. We were very close. After that, life became meaningless.

I suspended my school program for nearly a year. Now I'm back to school.  I feel like I wasn't as devastated as many others on this forum and I'm in good shape now. I understand it's OK though, to feel everything naturally.For now and then I felt sad, guilty, angry and everything. Crying times has been decreasing. I'm still very angry now when it comes up, to everything that might caused my mom's death: unfairness of society, people and the whole world. I think the main causes are: lack of education, working too hard for me,  terrible marriage and of course second-hand cigarette and polluted air.

Now I don't have any problems in my life.I became closer with some of my friends. I understand I was changed once and for all. I became immoral, blunt, cold, relentless, childish in a good way, don't give a fuck to pretty much everything, ...... I might always have that anger in everything and not be as happy as others. It's OK. I don't force anything. I'm not afraid of death, with the hope that I might meet my mom in another world. I want to find out how to make people not suffer and this is my career plan as a scientist. I can't easily fall in love now but I do want to have a child. I want to see the future world and live for my mom, so the most important thing is to keep healthy.

This is a very good forum for I can find part of myself on you. Thank you all.

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