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Topics - charlesafather

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Child Loss / starting to find my way
« on: August 23, 2011, 04:04:11 AM »
i pray all are well, just returning after long reflection too many bunps to list, however i am coaping. just past 4 yrs aug14. still have those days however i try turning them to sweet memories. just if anyone intestred all mine are well, have thought of you all however i had to take a brake as i was slipping into depression i did recognise it and fought tooth and nail. now i try to focus on today.

                            my prayers to all

Child Loss / ANGELS
« on: September 08, 2009, 11:21:42 AM »
I know sometimes people think I am crazy, however the other day I went out to sit on our porch an have my morning coffee, I felt a chill in the air and just cought a glimps of a shadow I got up and looked up and a small feather was floating down. I know it was my Chad saying hi. has anyone else had a simular experance? I mean something you can touch. I mean it could have been just a bird but I was thinking of my son Chad whejn this happend and do beleive it was him.
                          my prayers for all

Child Loss / well I am back
« on: August 24, 2009, 09:29:42 AM »
sorry everyone, been in hospital just got the energy to get up and log on,
i have missed you all so very muck, but now i have my rock back. i wish to thank you browneyedgirl for your nice words on my site. i too lost a brother 4 mo before my son. the 14th was my sons second angel date it has been very difficult / with my own health issues.anyway i just got the strength to get up a few min and wanted stop and say hi.

Child Loss / Updated web site
« on: July 12, 2009, 04:26:32 AM »
Yes after neglecting my site so long, i finaly cleaned it up a bit. however I will be adding new things and more pictures soon, if you would like to visit the link is below, please leave a message or just a simple hello.

                         my prayers to all

Child Loss / The Next Place I Go
« on: July 09, 2009, 04:41:19 PM »
This is a repeat, I was having trouble today and had to get out my bok and read it again. It gives me hope and insperation. I recived it from A.R.O.R.A. ( Arkansas reagional Organ Recovery Agency). I pray you enjoy, if you would like a copy you can type Warren Hanson in your search engin and find his site he really has a lot of insperational books.

The Next Place

The next place that I go
will be as peaceful and familiar
as a sleepy summer Sunday
and a sweet, untroubled mind.
And yet... it wonít be anything like any place Iíve ever been
or seen... or even dreamed of in the place I leave behind.
I wonít know where Iím going and I wonít know where Iíve been, as I tumble through the always and look back toward the when. Iíll glide beyond the rainbows. Iíll drift above the sky,
Iíll fly into the wonder, without ever wondering why.
I wont remember getting there. Somehow Iíll just arrive. But Iíll know I belong there and feel much more alive than I have ever felt befor. I will be absolutely free of the things I held onto that were holding onto me. The next place I go will be so quiet and still that the whispered song of sweet belonging will rise up to fill the listening sky with joyful silence, and with unheard harmonies of music made by no one playing, like a hush upon a breeze. There will be no place for darkness in that place of living light. Where an ever-dawning morning pushes back the dying night. The very air will fill with brilliance, as the brightly shining sun and the moon and half a million stars are married into one. The next place that I go wonít really be a place at all there wont be any seasons winter, summer, spring or fall---- nor a Monday nor a Friday nor December nor July and the seconds will be standing still while hours hurry by. I will not be a boy or a girl a woman or a man Iíll simply be just, simply me. No worse or better than. My skin will not be dark or light I wonít be fat or tall the body I once lived in wonít be part of me at all.
I will finally be perfect I will be without a flaw. I will never make one more mistake, or break the smallest law. And the me that was impatient, or was angry or unkind, will simply be a memory. The me I left behind. I will travel empty handed there is not a single thing I have collected in my life that I would ever want to bring except the love of those who loved me, and the warmth of those who cared. The happiness and memories and magic we shared. Though I will know the joy of solitude... Iíll never be alone. Iíll be embraced by all the family and friends Iíve ever known. Although I might not see there faces, all our hearts will beat as one, and the circle of our spirits will shine brighter than the sun. I will cherish all the friendship I was fortunate to find, all the love and all the laughter in the place I leave behind. All these good things will go with me. They will make my spirit glow. and that light will shine forever in the next place that I go.

Written by Warren Hanson

Child Loss / " Please on this Independence day
« on: July 03, 2009, 02:21:25 PM »
I watched the Flag pass one day,
It fluttered in the breeze.
A young Marine saluted it,
then he stood at ease.

I looked at him in uniform,
So young, so tall, so proud,
with his hair cut square and eyes alert,
He would stand out in any crowd.

I thought of how many men like him,
had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil,
How many motherís shed tears.

How many pilotís planes shot down,
How many died at sea.
how many foxholes were graves?
No freedom isnít Free.

I heard the sound of Taps one night,
When everything was still.
I listened to the bugler play,
and felt a sudden chill.

I wondered just how many times,
taps had meant AmenĒ.
When a Flag had draped a coffin,
of a brother, son, or friend.

I thought of all the children,
of the Mothers and the Wives,
of Fathers , sons, and husbandís,
With interrupted lives.

I thought about a graveyard,
at the bottom of the sea.
Of unmarked graves at Arlington.
No, Freedom isnít free.

Enjoy your freedom,
and Thank a serviceman.

Child Loss / everyone
« on: June 27, 2009, 05:47:54 AM »
i apoligize for not respnding to all the new post, i offer you my prayers and am thinking of all.


Child Loss / A Fathers epistle
« on: June 25, 2009, 08:28:52 PM »
Parenthood is a roller coaster of paralyzing responsibility and immeasurable

Dear Children: We've been wanting to write you this note. We've been
wringing our hands, looking to the stars, staring at ceilings, and shifting
our feet to find the right words. You deserve this note. You deserve to know
what the fathers of this world have been thinking about as Father's Day
   You see, we think about you a lot. We can remember when we first learned
that your mother was pregnant and how our jubilation was quickly tempered
with the awesome weight of responsibility. We watched as your mother's body
swelled with the new life beating inside of it. And it made us determined to
be good fathers and better husbands.
   It seemed like the weight that was sitting on our collective chests
became heavier with each pound she gained. Your foot moved. Your elbow
stretched her skin like the underside of a trampoline. Your mother
complained about her weight gain but never looked more beautiful. She
groaned under the stress of childbirth, and we held our breath with every
   One dad we know had this experience at 4:30 in the morning. His wife was
long in labor and he became tired of the sanitized room and nurses saying,
"Any moment now." But then it happened. His son was born. The boy screamed
his entrance into his new world and his father swallowed hard. He wasn't the
overly emotional type, so he already had determined that he wouldn't cry,
that he wouldn't let a single teardrop escape his eyes.
   As the nurses worked the baby over, counted his toes, cleaned his eyes,
and wrapped him tight, the father stood guard nearby. He held his wife's
hand but never took his eyes off the child. When the nurses left, the father
loosened his grip on his wife and walked slowly to his baby sleeping in a
plastic crib.
   He put his hands on either side of the bed and stood over the child. A
glint in the window caught his eye and he noticed the sun was rising and had
cast a small rectangle of light on the floor with its ascent. The light
crawled toward him as the sun rose.
   The father touched his son for the first time. Being a new dad, all he
could think about was tickling the smallest toes that he had ever seen. He
used one hand to then caress the baby's forehead. The light kept moving. The
father bent down close to his child and inhaled the newest breath on earth.
The light crawled on. The father pulled the baby's knit cap a little tighter
around his ears. The light moved up the crib slowly.
   The mother's breathing had become rhythmic and the father looked to her
in the new beauty of motherhood and was glad she was sleeping. He then
turned to do what he had dreamed about for so long. He held his son's hand.
Tiny fingers grasped the dad's thumb and held tight.
   The tears came then. The tears dropped silently on the baby's bedding,
forming a wet map of emotion. As the tears fell, warmth touched the father's
other hand. The rectangular light from outside glided over the crib and for
a moment, the father was transfixed. The two greatest powers in the world
had converged in one bassinet - the strength and beauty of heaven, and a
father's love for his newborn son.
   As for our daughters, we know you are at your best when you are
demonstrating one characteristic above all others: confidence. When you fly
down that soccer field or scramble up that basketball court, when you raise
your hand to answer a difficult question in class even if you aren't sure
you're right, when you tell that really cute boy that you have better things
to do on a Friday night, when you fight the temptation to join in the verbal
beating of another human being, when you show grace, poise, strength and
integrity in a crowd - man, are we proud to be your dad.
   We've seen you fight with the best of them. We've seen you comfort the
least of them. We've seen you weakened by meanness and strengthened by
faith. There's a part of you we'll never understand, but you have to know
that's the part we love the most. We want you to always be confident, sweet
girls. Be confident.
   We once saw a little girl, a soccer player who sometimes doubted herself
on the field, embody that sort of confidence. She always wore a blue
headband in her dark hair to keep loose strands from blocking her view as
she ran. One day, she and her classmates were asked by their teacher to form
a circle and join hands for some sort of exercise.
   When an awkward little boy stood alone, no one wishing to hold his hand,
we saw the pretty little soccer player leave her friends and grasp his
awkward hand. That little boy smiled ear to ear. That little girl stared
defiantly at her friends who had ignored the boy's discomfort.
   And we, well, we cried like babies. It was so beautiful. So simple. So
genuine. We love it when you're not part of the crowd. We adore it when you
stand on principle even if it means you stand alone. That's confidence.
   We watched you grow, our sons and daughters. You brought us unimaginable
joy when you were youngsters. You kept us laughing, kept us working, and
kept us up at night. We changed your diapers and applauded the smallest feat
- using the potty, learning your ABC's, tying your shoes. Remember when you
were 4 years old and already playing soccer and baseball? Remember how you
received a trophy just for showing up? We loved that. You were so proud of
that trophy. That trophy was all the encouragement you needed to stick with
the game, to try your best and to be part of something greater than
yourself. But participation trophies should stay in your little-kid past.
You played for baubles back then. You tried your best because of the lure of
a plastic image on a pedestal.
   While we loved it when you were young, we need you to know that the real
world is very different. Sometimes hard work is not rewarded in an outward
fashion. Sometimes you'll give something your very best and still fall short
and there will be no participation award. It's difficult. It's life.
   But our pride in you is still very much there. You see, failure in life
is inevitable; it happens to everyone at some point in time. But failure
does not mark you as a man or as a woman - what you do after you fail is
what marks you.
   45 GOING ON 16
   We know dads who want to be friends with their children and we pity them.
It's one thing to have a good, loving relationship with one's offspring, but
friends? No way. What 16-year-old really needs a 45-year-old friend?
   We really pity those middle aged men who have a weird desire to be cool
to their kids' friends. You've met them; they're the ones who are throwing
the parties for kids your age, the ones buying liquor for underage drinkers,
the ones making strange promises to have their backs. We know that kids
laugh at them, take advantage of them, and have not one iota of respect for
   We know that a 16-year-old needs a guide, a mentor, an adult he respects
and more importantly, a parent who he knows loves him no matter what. A
friend? No, we're not friends. Our relationship is much deeper than that and
more profound. Friends can and will walk away from each other. Good fathers
never do that. We'll never turn our backs on you.
   We've seen dads who have been brought low with grief over the loss of a
child. There was a dad who lost his son when he was much, much too
young to give up his soul. And we saw his absolute, heart-wrenching grief as
he let him go. It's unbelievable.
   We've known dads who temporarily lost their children to bad influences
and bad behaviors, and the result is much the same. This is why we harp on
you about staying away from drugs and alcohol. This is why we expect you to
lift your body through physical exertion, spiritual growth and the euphoria
that comes from helping others.
   We don't want you to settle for the lowest common denominator because
that's not you, you are better then that. We want you to scale Everest. We
want you to orbit the moon.
   As you grow, we want you to know that we are keenly aware of our
failures. Too many of us have neglected you and made you feel like you were
second best to lesser things. We've had to take care of our jobs, but we
know better than to do so at your expense.
   Some of us have not been around you enough, and for that we are
profoundly sorry and ashamed. There is simply no excuse for a father to
neglect his children. We've lost our tempers, said things we didn't mean,
and have been less than loving to your mother - all of which we consider
great failures and character flaws. But we're trying.
   So, on this Father's Day we renew our paternal energy. We recommit
ourselves to raising you and helping you to be the young men and young women
that we know you can become. We'll not sacrifice you to the lure of the
lesser things. And we promise that if you need us, we'll be there.
   You see, we want to be your fathers. We want the responsibility that so
scared us when your mother was pregnant. We want this because no matter how
far you travel, no matter how old you grow, no matter how deep your wounds
or how difficult your life, you will remain totally and completely our dear

                                     aurthor unknown

Child Loss / droping by
« on: June 17, 2009, 06:55:01 PM »
hello all:
 seems a long time since i have been here. I have been very sick, turns out one of my meds had some bad side effects, however after i stoped taking it ( 3 mo. now) I am slowely recovering. had a good scare, anyway I am doing ok now i have a new pain dr. for sever neck and shoulder pain from cervical fusions in 03, he is amazing has helped more in the last mo. than any of my other dr. since i had my fusions. o-yes i got some new ink , ( a memorial tattoo for my son, he came to me in my dreams again and to tell you quick he told me not to cry amy more. so the new tattoo is my last/lasting tear for him.

Child Loss / hello everyone
« on: May 16, 2009, 01:05:18 PM »
I see so many new post, it just overwhelms me, i pray for you all. i have been really depresed as of late. trying to get off med's. i think they cause more problems than they fix. anyway just wanted to say hi and pray you all have a beautifull day.

                       my thoughts and prayers

Child Loss / poem to share "again"
« on: May 07, 2009, 04:27:57 PM »

We as parents who have lost a child know nothing can replace them,
Not a man or a smile. Our and there hopes gone away,
We only pray to be with them another day.
They are in heaven with our king,
 Living in a mansion,
we see them only in our dreams.
They are happy without want,
We are sad sometimes,
People will taunt .
We shall live out our dayís wondering
What  they would be doing or what they might say.
They see and know us our God has shown,
We carry in our hearts their memories heavy as stone.
We shall carry them within ourselves,
Throughout the days of our lives,
 Not caring what people may do or say,
Iíve been told it gets easier with time
but my clock has stopped,
With no one there to wind.
I feel loneliness deep inside,
 Only sharing with paper,
 with no one to confide.
I write these words with love you know,
Praying someday his story will be retold.
Some dayís I am tired, some dayís I am sad,
No one to blame so I will not be mad.
What can I do what could anyone say,
Too make this hurt inside me to ever go away?
My life goes on with only memories you see,
In knowing someday God will set me free.
With tears in my eyeís and pain in my heart,
I try to be good knowing someday I will part.
Leaving behind the memories of mine,
Saying prayerís for the oneís I leave behind.
O-those glorious gateís I see, with Jesus
 and my loved oneís waiting for me.

       as of now I am having a very hard time , I have to force myself to do anything. I know I will get better, so no worries please, this is one of the last poems I wrote and just thought I would share again.

        my prayers for all of you

Child Loss / rita-grammy!!
« on: April 26, 2009, 08:28:01 PM »
if you like , carefully look at this site.

my prayers

Child Loss / A.R.O.R.A.
« on: April 26, 2009, 06:16:44 AM »
we went to the anual brunch A.R.O.R.A. gives here in my home town yesterday, I finaly had my son's (CHAD) quilt square made and pined it to a new quilt that will be made. seen a lot of old friend and sadly met new ones. i just have this urging desire to meet my sons organ recipents. we did recive a letter from one of them christmas eve-08 letting us know he was doing well ( lung recepiant) it was such a blessing. i just get frustrated sometimes because it takes so long to meet, with all the red tape and all. anyway i know it will hapen.

               my prayers and love to all

Child Loss / RE: a renewed breath
« on: April 22, 2009, 02:50:51 PM »
Thank you all;
 Jenneb I did see the orb, That is my Wife and we have always had a strong feeling about sprits and ghost, if you look at my website you can read of a few of my special encounters/dreams on my experiences of life beyond page..


Brena , tsoley,and Judy thank you also I felt so close, even as i would talk to my son he answered as only I could hear. It gave me such a renewed hope of knowing i can move forward yet knowing i will always miss my son but he is with me always.

Terry; thank you also, the temple in the back is a memorial place where the Masons and Templars hold special services, as there are a lot of mason's ans Schriners resting at this cemetery.

Rebecca a orb , some think it is a spirit of a loved one or some just explain it as a dusty camera lens. I like to think it is one of our family as so many are layed to rest at our cemetery.

         my prayers

Child Loss / A renewed breath
« on: April 20, 2009, 04:52:36 AM »
Our visit to my son was wonderfull, it started out raining on the trip down,however when we arrived the clouds broke and i had a wonderful visit with my son .
thank you everyone for your warm wishes.

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