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Topics - Luvinmike

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Main / Thinking of you Georgia
« on: April 19, 2010, 06:51:14 PM »
I know it is near to Johnny's angel date, and I just wanted to send you a hug (((Georgia))). I always think of you, ((((Donna B.)))) and a few others whenever I come on here to read or post. My heart is with you in this.
Your friend,

Grief not related to deaths / I got the job!!
« on: March 25, 2010, 07:16:30 PM »
I am excited to report that I got a GREAT job and I start Tuesday. They threw me in today to meet my peers with NO notice- I was hired on Tuesday. I think I did pretty well- with the people- I was a little goofy, like too friendly, but better than aloof I guess.
So- I am in a training for management program- it will be challenging and keep my mind busy. You all know, good, but a missing thing- my husband to celebrate with through this. But, he would be so proud of me that it will have to be enough, to know that, right now. Thanks for listening and sharing in my good news.

Grief not related to deaths / job, daily life etc
« on: January 20, 2010, 01:59:34 PM »
Hi- I am either going to be getting a small promotion from my temp position in a large growing company- or next Friday I will be laid off. I am struggling with this anxiety. I interviewed yesterday and I think I did well, although a little nervous and a slight bit of rambling at the end, then I pulled it together. I am more than qualified, I am nervous like I have never been in interviews since this grief. I said ,'My husband died in May of 2008, there, that is out there and done, then back to professional stuff. The HR Manager did not really respond to this (She had asked me resume question that basically required me to say this as a small, critical part of my resume is our own business- i don't work there now). I don't need support, just I ma unfamiliar with corporate culture and wondered if anyone had any tips for dealing with personal thoughts during interview and also corporate job hunting period! Thanks in advance to anyone wanting to participate in this conversation or share how you are doing with things like this. THANKS!!

Main / Mike
« on: January 11, 2010, 06:31:04 AM »
My husband Mike's 46th birthday is today. I miss him every single day. I am bringing flowers to the cemetary and the kids each have a balloon to let go from our house. This seems like someone else's life, not ours. No asking why though, no answers there, just more questions -so forget it. Mike always had the nicest things to say to and about everyone. I cannot think of a single negative or even someone who did not enjoy his company enormously. I am so afraid that this pain will always feel so unbearable, and mostly I just wish he would be here where he belongs. Well, it does help to tell someone, all my friends here and i have some dear friends in my life who care. But grief is a lonely road, that is how I feel, I don't want any of the lessons and stuff out of this, I just don't want it to be true. Thanks for listening, peace to all.
We love you Mike.
Love everything about you.
your wife

Main / Trying to get it together
« on: November 16, 2009, 05:09:54 AM »
This is not a serious problem. Just like the tired issue, it is more of a chronic problem. I keep missing deadlines, forgetting stuff, and generally being very scattered. I have my sister, who has been my best friend through this, annoyed as I overlapped my schedule and I will be late for a dinner we have tonight. I just got off the email from apologizing for a bunch of financial stuff I had due, regarding taxes, still not done. Major work to do before winter here- I just look at it all. Anyways, just frustrated with my own low energy I guess.
Thinking of all of you and wishing a little energy for each of you. Hope we all have a peaceful time today.

Main / Job interview
« on: October 06, 2009, 05:02:52 PM »
Hi friends;
I am going on my second job interview since losing my husband 18 months ago. I got the job on the first one last summer, even though I cried during the interview.
The pressure got to me. I miss Mike. He would say,"Don't underestimate yourself!"
Well, this interview is for a competitive good job- I am afraid I will get nervous and blow it. I am keeping my perspective and not getting too worked up about it. I am actually taking Kevin's advice- nothing is as bad as losing our spouse, so if I cannot cope w/ the pressure I will just let it go.
I will be disappointed though as I have to put two kids thru college starting next year. Our daughter is already in college and son graduates in May. Big money- but I will not waste my brain on extra worrying. So, I just wanted to write this as it helped me just to tell someone, I get nervous being in charge of my whole family by myself- my parents need lots of help simultaneously, sigh...
I am proud of myself so far in this unimaginable life, so I guess it is just about not giving up sometimes. Well, thanks for listening. I wish everyone a little peace.

Main / blah...
« on: July 21, 2009, 08:19:52 PM »
Hi there. I am having such a hard time with my grief. I am tired out from just walking and crying and coping on top of all the demands of everyday life. I hope someday this gets a little easier as my mind and body feel so run down from so much pain.
I know when I review the past 14 months I am doing well compared to the first ten months. I am definitely more capable- but now it is a chronic irritability for most things, minimal enjoyment in even the best times, and a constant aching to talk to and hug my husband- that will not be satisfied by anyone else in my life...hmm.. now what? I guess finding some way to get used to this awful emotional hell, I just am exhausted from it.
 Anyways, I appreciate the listening. I had a long and lonely few weeks and I am trying to think more positively. I am reading Michael J. Fox book called Looking Up it is about optimism. I'll put it on book list if it is good.
I am glad to share my broken heart with all of you, as I'm sure you understand. Thanks for caring. Terri

Main / Thinking of you Donna B.
« on: July 18, 2009, 06:28:54 AM »
Dear Donna;
     I am thinking of you today and every day since you told us of losing your precious daughter. I just wanted you to know I am praying for your strength and I am sure all of us here are pulling for you to hang in there through this unimaginable grief. So sorry about your loss. So sorry that there are no words or kind thoughts that can impact this grief, but please know we all care and think of you- every day.

Main / hard times
« on: June 16, 2009, 04:22:27 PM »
I am struggling terribly these days with everything from going to work and actually working, forgetting things, and getting angry and irritated with everything and everyone, massive grief attacks. It was like after I went through the one year anniversary date of losing my husband Mike, I lost all my energy. Maybe it was adrenaline to show our kids that life can and will carry on despite this enormous hole in our lives. I do not know.
I called out sick today and I have spent days now, crawling through the bare minimum of chores needed to survive. I am tired but my bed is like a torture chamber for my mind. I walk and so on- but I do not want to.
I will get better over time I assume, but it is painful and I am so sad. I wish i had an idea what to do next. I have a dead end job, two healthy great teens, one younger teen who is ill but stable, and some good friends who are enduring my anger. I also do not want to lose my cool with the kids who are off school for the summer. I hate my job, but i do not have any energy to change these things. I thank you for listening. Missing Mike and that is it. Peace and strength to all. Terri

Main / My golf tournament
« on: June 01, 2009, 08:51:51 PM »
Tonite we had our benefit in memory of my husband Mike. We raised at least a full year of maintenance for three city baseball fields. The Mayor came to our outdoor pavilion and he spoke- it was great! I can't believe how many people came and how excellent it was. I missed thanking a major family member but that is it. I could have done worse. It was really a great event. I cried alot before it and now that it is over- but glad we did it, my husband would have been proud. I miss him. Terri

Main / My new grief group
« on: May 18, 2009, 06:57:04 PM »
I am going to a new grief group and also my family made it through the one year date. I'm proud of these kids and i don't care about much else right now.

  So this group has ten people in it and it is free for ten weeks- a grant of some kind. So it was good, I cried and talked a lot but I didn't monopolize the time, so that was a relief- believe me, I wanted to talk about me all night.
I'm completely exhausted but I don't really want to sleep- just at a loss for what to do with myself sometimes.
  We are having the golf tournament. This next comment will make some of you laugh- but, I am going to invite the mayor. I am going to his office tomorrow with a formal invite to please say a few kind words. I really believe I have a chance of getting this to happen (maybe not). But, it is so worth it to try because it would be perfect. I am just going to say that my husband was so great that he deserves this distinction. All I want him to do is thank people for coming out for our event. So far $11,000 raised! Anyways- I can hardly function but doing a crazy thing like inviting the mayor will actually make my day go by. Hope everyone on here has a peaceful day tomorrow.
It has been one year since every single thing changed. I miss my sweet husband.
Thanks for being the best friends anyone could ask for, I really appreciate this site. Terri

Main / I am being mean
« on: May 10, 2009, 06:25:14 PM »
I have been so angry and awful towards people lately. I am dealing with a short fuse. I know it just makes things worse, but I can't help it. I want to be upset with myself causing headache, I want to be upset about my husband's doctor, I want to be upset at me and my husband for not taking certain steps, I have ignored all friend contacts lately, I am ending some friendships too. I'm just bored of this pain, it just won't quit...I don'like it- I tell myself- Think something good...
I am thankful we hugged alot.
I am going to get through another day, but I feel so sad. I miss Mike. I wish I could change this. I hate everything right now. I am so sick of working so hard, for what.
  Thanks to everyone, for reading this in the spirit of Eeyore. Last Mother's Day was the best day (Last full day I spent with Mike) and today is the worst day.
 Thanks. Terri :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Main / Photo attempt
« on: April 30, 2009, 06:45:09 PM »
This is Mike out ice fishing with my sister, her husband and our three kids. I was in Virginia with my Mother as my Father was sick in the hospital. I remember travelling alone and thinking how lucky I was to have my little family. We had some really low times, no perfection in our life, but maybe that is what made it so great. Just everyday stuff- that we never thought would end. xxoo Hope this picture shows up- sorry Yankee fans!

Main / I will not be overcome- my sadness...
« on: April 28, 2009, 04:50:45 PM »
I can't give credit but there is some saying about not being overcome. These days leading up to the one year date are too hard. May 17. 2008 my best friend Mike died. I still have enormous difficulty understanding this new world without him. Mostly I just plain miss him, his smile, his laugh and his loving nature. Hysterically funny and kind- loved by all who knew him.
My husband went upstairs to take a bath and 4 minutes later he was unconscious in the bath tub with the water running. He looked peaceful I think. I don't know anything after that moment. I gave him two huge deep mouth to mouth breaths- ran phoned 911- threw open doors and turned lights on-put phone on side of tub with dispatcher while i did CPR. He never did wake up- not at all. He had a sudden cardiac death.
I will always pray he wasn't afraid. I have 3 kids who miss their great Dad so much. We have been through some milestones and we are still here trying. One second, minute, hour at a time.
I have looked for help from every source to carry on. I have begged for Mike to come back and i would go just if we could have one more second together... I am learning that I am supposed to stay on here, keep our goals for our family going somehow...
I realized I met him when i was 21 and i was 42 when he died and that is exactly half my life- the best half for sure.
Thanks for listening- I feel safe telling this story here. I stayed up almost all night last night crying w/ my journal and photos- I am hoping writing this will help me sleep tonite as i have to work and I am already forgetful and distracted all day.
Peace and comfort to my webhealing angels- THANKS! terri

Main / wish you all could have known my husband.
« on: April 03, 2009, 07:54:27 PM »
My husband Mike made everyone happy. Every single person felt that he was a joy. A special gift bestowed on you to know such a kind and fun-loving man. I just went on a social event in my town- first real test for me... I made it through very well. I laughed and I saw some old friends. I got some people for my golf tournament for my husband on June 1st. The donations are going to maintain his childhood ball fields- he would LOVE it! The kids decided this together, they wanted something baseball. Reminds me of the Mom on the Child Loss board Shelly and her little Landon. Anyways, my husband loved baseball and sports more than anyone in the world. He knew everything and all the guys just thought he was and still is , "The best." And I just miss him so much... Love and prayers to you my beloved husband and best friend Mike....stay close. Thanks friends here for listening as usual, you are so real and I wish none of us had this grief.. Terri

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