Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Topics - Kevins Sister

Pages: [1]
1
Sibling Loss / Bad day.
« on: November 13, 2008, 08:50:48 PM »
I am having a really bad day here. All day my wonderful brother Kev has been on my mind. Who am I kidding, he seems to always be on my mind. My brother has been gone 6 months this month and I can't believe that it has already been six months. It just still seems so crazy for me. And ever since I seem to have fallen into a terrible depression. I have not left my house in months, except to go to work. I haven't gone anywhere else. I get my sister in law to go food shopping for me once a week and my husband to do all other errands for me. I have not seen any of my friends barely all I want to do is either sit on my couch and watch t.v. or sleep. I find myself going to beed earlier and earlier. From 10 to 8 now to 7. And sleeping for 12 hours. I am so darn tired. I have not called any of my friends or talked to anyone besides my husband, sister, or 2 brother's. My twin brother Tom who lived with my brother Kev and was the one who found Kev dead in his bedroom is at my house every night because he doesn't want to be alone either. He lives with his girlfriend but says he feels the most comfortable with me at my house, he just started counseling which is  a great thing for him,I think if anyone needs it he does. He walked in and found the guy he looks up to more than anything like that. I have these 2 friends who live down the street from me, they are husband and wife and I used to walk down to their house every night almost to watch our prime time shows. Well I have been in such a funk and having a bad couple of months I have not been able to get over there as much as they want me to. They keep calling and saying "what you don't like us", are you mad at us, constantly making me feel bad about not going over there. I keep telling them , no this has nothing to do with you. I am just having a bad time of it. I have found myself constantly defending myself, I have also written many emails to them explaining everything and she said oh I understand. Well that understanding seemed to last about a week before they started over again. They keep giving me a hard time about not coming over there. I mean I already feel bad as it is. Then on Halloween I was taking my son trick o treating and stopped by their house. Probably the first time I had gotten out of the house in a long time. They asked me what I was doing that night. My brother Kev had/has a best friend that is also having a hard time. She called me and asked me to come over to her house that she was really having a bad time. If anyone knows how we are feeling she is one of them, she loved my brother Kev very much, so anyway I told them that. A couple of days later my brother Tom is taking my 2 year old son for a walk and she stops him and says, We don't here from your sister anymore, she doesn't like us, what did we ever do to her. She went over to Lorie's on Halloween and didn't come by our house, I guess your sister picked who her friend is. Now if anyone can help me with this please do. Is that not the craziest thing in the world. Is the point of all their complaints about them. The most used word in their complaints are, us, we, us, we, me, me, me. I mean my god. I feel like I am drowning here in sadness. My husbands father is dying from lung cancer, he has 6 months to live. My husband and I have to take him to daily radiation and monthly chemo. My wonderful, loving, kind, caring brother is gone. I will never get to see him ever again! My mother in law who along with my father in law are like parents to me passed away last year. Is it me? Am I being a terrible person?
When  they were having a tough year when the husband had back surgery right around the time that their daughter was getting married, who is also a good friend of mine, I was there for her everyday. I took her grocery shopping every other day, Took her to her doctor's appt., paid for some of the stuff for the wedding shower because I knew that money was tight for them because he was on disability. Am I wrong to ask for them to be there for me at this time when I am in so much pain and to understand that I am just not up to doing anything right now. That to just bear with me until I start to feel alittle better. I just can't believe it. My sister is so mad at them because she says they think the world revolves around them. I don't know what to think. Maybe someone can give me advice. And maybe let me know if this feeling that I have of not wanting to do anything and always sad will ever start to at least lift alittle. I know that I am in some sort of depression. I have know these friends of mine for a very long time.

2
Sibling Loss / 2 months since my brother has been gone
« on: July 02, 2008, 01:21:54 PM »
Well it is 2 months today that my brother Kev has been gone and it seem slike it has been forever. I miss him so much. Everyday I wake up and say to myself, I can't believe he's gone. I just can't believe it. I keep thinking any minute now I am going to wake up and this is going to be a bad dream but everyday I wake up and have to try to get through the day. I at least now can wait till I get home from work to cry instead of going into the bathroom. Oh, god I just miss him so much. And my mother just keeps thinking she can't believe that her son is no longer of this earth.July 4th is coming up and we always have a big famliy barbq an dhe won't be there. He was so looking forward to the summer. He had come from Florida, after living there for so long, and was really down because of the winter. But summer was finally coming and we would have barbqed all the time and now we are not complete. I miss him so much.

3
Sibling Loss / I just lost my brother Kevin
« on: June 05, 2008, 01:38:41 PM »
May 1st 2008 my wonderful, kind, caring, loving, non judgemental, funny, handsome brother died. He had a battle with drugs for many. many years and he tried so hard to beat it but in the end it won. There were 5 of us. We were a very close group. My sister Julie, my brother Steve, and my twin brother Tom are so devestated and I am finding it so incrediabley hard to accept and cope with this. Kevin was a wonderful guy if not for his demon's and he suffered with those for a long time but you would never have known it to look at him. He was always there for anyone that needed him. And he always had a big beautiful smile on his face. Last year I had my gall bladder removed right after having a baby and he came over early morning and took care of me for 8 hours a day for 4 days until my husband would come home at night. Even thought he had to work all night. He would take care of me all day, make me breakfast in bed, watch movies, took me to the doctor 3 times, then left to work 8 hours over night till 7:00am and was back at my house at 8:30 to take care of me. That is just one example of the many, many, many wonderful things my loving big brother did for his family. My dad had left early when we were kids so it was only the 5 of us. We stuck together no matter what with my mom, who is a wonderful ray of light to our family we always came through. Now there will always be an empty chair at the table or a smiling face missing at the family barbq's my brother loved so much. He had been gone living in Florida for about 10 years but not a day goes by that we did not talk to one or the other sibling. I just don't know how to handle this. I really don't. Sometimes I feel so much rage of such intensity that I want to scream or throw something. mY twin brother who he was living with is broken almost beyond repair. I just wish so much that I could see him one more time. When Kev walked in to a room and saw me or my sister the first thing he would say to us was, "hey Beautiful", each time and now I will never hear him say that again never hear him saying, "Just drinking my cooffee," in a New York accent when I call him on Sunday mornings to have coffee talk. There were some good times and yes some bad times but the good times outweighed the bad times so much. I am so sorry for the long post, I just had to get some of this out I feel like the pain and sorrow and grief is sometimes eating me up and I can barely breathe. But thank you for letting me post here. Sorry about the long post.

Pages: [1]