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Topics - grainofsand

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1
Child Loss / Remembering Our Children ~ Video
« on: July 22, 2012, 03:36:29 PM »
Hello all !
It has been such a long time since I've been here on webhealing, I feel like I am 'coming home'.
You all have always been such a part of my heart, no matter how long I was away.

Some of you parents that were here years ago might remember the video I made of your children.  Today I uploaded it to YouTube if anyone is interested in seeing it again.

It was so good to see these faces again when I viewed the video today, I had to share it again with all of you.  Sweet, sweet faces.  Prayers and love to all...the journey of grief is a hard one, but there is much treasures to be found along the way  To all my 'treasured friends'... I love you all.
 Grainofsand





2
Child Loss / Every Minute That I Breathe ***Christian Lyrics***
« on: November 20, 2009, 09:46:44 AM »
I found this song yesterday…. Jana wrote this (sings it herself) after she lost her daughter.  I thought those of you who share the same Christian belief might like to hear it.  My prayer is that her words will minister to you during these difficult upcoming holidays.

Click on blue title and it should bring up Media Player with the song.

Every Minute That I Breathe
by Jana Alayra

Photos on the mantle I won’t change
For they still remind me of a day
You filled our hearts with laughter and your smile
How we loved you, for a while
The day came in the blinking of an eye
When suddenly we had to say goodbye
As you were soaring homeward through the blue
Part of me went right along with you

Every time I hear you in my mind
Though my heart weeps, my soul takes flight to the place
Where you are, somewhere far beyond the farthest star
Now every minute that I breathe, you live what I believe

You gave me so much more than joy
In you I saw a reason for each morn
In a world unwinding as it spun,
Holding you would make me still again
Many say your days with us were too few
But they were numbered by the Lord for you
A message of your life remains through time
Jesus gave you everlasting life

Every time I hear you in my mind
Though my heart weeps, my soul takes flight to the place
Where you are, somewhere far beyond the farthest star
Every time I see you dancing through my mind
Though I long to hold you, my soul takes flight to the place
Where you live, to watch you sing and dance what would I give
Now every minute that I breathe, you live what I believe

One day I will see Jesus come for me
No one knows the hour He will come
I will fall at His feet for all He’s done for me
Then straight into your arms I’ll run

Every time I hear you in my mind
Though my heart weeps, my soul takes flight to the place
Where you are, somewhere far beyond the farthest star
Every time I see you dancing through my mind
Though I long to hold you, my soul takes flight to the place
Where you live, to watch you sing and dance what would I give
Now every minute that I breathe
Every minute that I breathe
Every minute that I breathe
You live what I believe
You live what I believe

3
Child Loss / Dominic - Son of KerryP ~ New member
« on: September 28, 2009, 04:34:49 PM »
I moved this post from the "Introduce our Children" thread as Kerry is a new member and I didn't want her post to be over looked.  She had posted this a few days ago.  I know you all will give her the support and love you are known for.  Kerry, if you go back to where you posted the original, I answered you how to do pictures.  Please check your Private Mail/messages.

I'm so sorry for everyone's loss, and I'm so sorry that I am here.

I lost my 7 year old son Dominic one week ago today.  He had a life-long heart condition that we'd been treating well with medication, and most of his life he was able to be active and fun loving.  Despite health problems he had a very full life.

But after a week in the ICU with a fever of 105 and other symptoms, Dominic's heart suddenly and unexpectedly gave up and he couldn't be revived.  He is my only son, and I'm devastated.  We haven't had his funeral yet, as they had to do an autopsy on him to determine cause of death.  I don't know where to turn.

Kerrie, Dominic's mum.

Can someone help me post a photo of him please?


4
Child Loss / Song: Precious Child
« on: February 20, 2009, 04:26:25 PM »
On Terry's thread regarding Jeff's birthday she mentioned I sent her a song for Jeff's angel day.

I thought that many of you others parents might enjoy listening to this heart felt song.
Click on blue title for free mp3 download.

PRECIOUS CHILD
By Karen Taylor-Good   

In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still

In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

In my plans, I was the first to leave
Precious child, precious child
But in this world, I was left here to grieve
Precious child, my precious child

In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart there is hope
And you are with me still

In my heart you live on
Always there, never gone
Precious child, you left too soon,
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

God knows I want to hold you,
See you, touch you
And maybe there's a heaven
And someday I will again
Please know you are not forgotten until then

In my heart you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart

5
Main / Why did you go away?
« on: January 29, 2009, 07:33:21 AM »
If any of you caught the end of American Idol last night, apparently the only winner was a background song that played during the last girls (Rose Flack) biography.  More people were clammering to find out what that song was than the auditions.
Rose lost both her parents at an early age. 
It is a very touching song for all you all who use music for healing and comfort.

The singer is Ray LaMontagne and it is off his Album "Gossip in the Grain"
(us grains have to stick together  ;D)

Click here for YouTube
A FALLING THROUGH Small | Large


6
Child Loss / Remembering Our Children
« on: January 21, 2009, 01:09:16 PM »
Hi~
I'm a poster on the Main board, but got to know several of you because of questions on the tutorial I posted.  I needed to learn PowerPoint Presentation, so for my first project I decided to do a slide show for you parents.

If you have Microsoft PowerPoint (usually comes with newer computers) you can download this slide show.

To access:    http://www.megaupload.com/?d=2O3M9TPG

On the top right you will get 3 Alpha letters to enter and then click on the download button.

The page will appear with a grid of 2 choices.  Click on the gray "free download" button on the bottom of the free area and it will start.  

File name: Remember our Children.pps  5.77MB

I tried to add all those who have posted in the past 30 days.  I got to know more about your children as I made this.  They were amazing people and after this slide show was completed, I couldn't help but to cry over them.

I hope you enjoy the slides.



7
Main / Void...Where are you?
« on: January 03, 2009, 08:49:01 AM »
Void~
It has been awhile since you last posted (or even logged on  :-\)
I pray that you are OK... If you log on to read...please know that we are missing you here.

I know the sorrow is overwhelming as you endured such hardships all at once.
I just cant imagine how difficult the holidays were for you.  Please know that you don't have to be here on this site to know....we love and care for you.  My thoughts and prayers go out to you even when you are not logged on....

Void...(((HUGS))) to you I hope to see you back posting soon.





8
Main / A letter to your friends
« on: December 17, 2008, 10:42:23 AM »
I found this letter that I want to share with you all.  If you don't know what to write in your Christmas card this year...maybe you can use something like this???...The Author is unknown:

Dear Friend,
Please be patient with me; I need to grieve in my own way and in my own time.
Please don't take away my grief or try to fix my pain. The best thing you can do is listen to me and let me cry on your shoulder. Don't be afraid to cry with me. Your tears will tell me how much you care.
Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to your problems. I feel depleted and drained, like an empty vessel, with nothing left to give.
Please let me express my feelings and talk about my memories. Feel free to share your own stories of my loved one with me. I need to hear them.
Please understand why I must turn a deaf ear to criticism or tired clichés. I can't handle another person telling me that time heals all wounds.
Please don't try to find the "right" words to say to me. There's nothing you can say to take away the hurt. What I need are hugs, not words.
Please don't push me to do things I'm not ready to do, or feel hurt if I seem withdrawn. This is a necessary part of my recovery.
Please don't stop calling me. You might think you're respecting my privacy, but to me it feels like abandonment. Please don't expect me to be the same as I was before. I've been through a traumatic experience and I'm a different person.
Please accept me for who I am today. Pray with me and for me. Should I falter in my own faith, let me lean on yours. In return for your loving support I promise that, after I've worked through my grief, I will be a more loving, caring, sensitive, and compassionate friend-because I have learned from the best.
Love,
(Your name)


9
Child Loss / Board Tutorials/Guidelines/Chat Info
« on: December 16, 2008, 01:30:13 PM »
Many thanks to Grainofsand for putting this FAQ together.  She has gathered explanations to many of the most frequently asked questions and done a great job in explaining the basics.  Feel free to post in the questions thread if you have more questions about how to use the board.



1.  How do I Start a new thread?

2.  How do I Reply to a post?

3.  How do I Post a message?

4.  What are the basics to Private Messaging?

5.  How do I Manage my profile?

6.  How do I Add a Picture to my posts or signature file?

7.  What are the basics of the CHAT

8.  How do I Use the Calendar?

10
Child Loss / Christmas Grief Chat Day
« on: December 16, 2008, 07:42:53 AM »
Let me welcome everyone to Chat on December 20th.

Knowing how difficult the holidays are, a few of us will be manning the chat room for anyone who wants to talk.

If you never experienced CHAT, this is your opportunity to come in and say hello and see what chat is all about.

I will be in at 10am-11am & 2pm+ EST.  If you want to assist and come in earlier or later, that would be wonderful.

It will be a time of celebration of our loved ones.
Hope to see you there..even if you can only stay for the "hello".

Grains

11
Main / Christmas Grief Chat Day
« on: December 16, 2008, 06:53:57 AM »
Let me welcome everyone to Chat on December 20th.

Knowing how difficult the holidays are, a few of us will be manning the chat room for anyone who wants to talk. 

If you never experienced CHAT, this is your opportunity to come in and say hello and see what chat is all about.

I will be in at 10am-11am & 2pm+ EST.  If you want to assist and come in earlier or later, that would be wonderful. 

It will be a time of celebration of our loved ones. 
Hope to see you there..even if you can only stay for the "hello".

Grains

12
Main / Is your glass 1/2 full or 1/2 empty?
« on: December 03, 2008, 10:17:58 AM »
Some can see the glass as 1/2 full, while others can only see it as 1/2 empty.
We are all different on how we perceive things.

Christmas is looming at us, and posts are coming in about how difficult it is to put up trees.  For some, they can’t even acknowledge such a grand holiday this year, as they would just as well spend that day under the covers.  Putting out decorations that have memories of our loved ones become just more stabs at our heart to give us that bitter reminder that someone is gone (as if we need the reminder).  Some of us wait in dread for this holiday to pass, and when it does, will there be a sigh of relief?

Then what?  The New Year.  As the end of this year approaches, and talk of new years resolutions begin, I can’t help but to think of my cup as ½ empty.  There is that sense of excitement for some that the end of the year is like being able to shed off all the “old crap” and look forward to a new year full of promise. 

But if any of you are like me, the unknown year ahead might just be more of the same…or worse (if at all possible).  It is impossible to want to be excited for a new year without having the 2 exceptional people that I lost share with it.

We all endured horrific, devastating losses to be here on this site.  Some may think it isn’t healthy and very pessimistic to see the glass as ½ empty…but I for one think we earned that right to!  I for one think I deserve the right to enter into 2009 with a melancholy attitude if I choose to.  So, you won’t be seeing me anytime soon toasting with champagne to welcome a new year. 

My heart goes out to all of you that struggle every moment, every day and night because of who you lost.  So…. I will lift my “½ empty glass” to you all…and will toast to you wonderful people....for being so courageous in enduring in your pain, for being generous with your sharing in your posts and chats, and being there for us all who needed the shoulder to cry on.   

Cheers to you wonderful people.
Please join me to say “2008 really sucked”!

13
Main / I miss my Best Friend
« on: September 06, 2008, 09:17:27 AM »
Today I had one of those moments where some obscure memory of my friend Sandi came to me.  I was walking my dog down a road I use to jog on.  It was my “prayer road”.  This is the place where I would ask beg and plead for God to keep her alive .  Her death was looming before me and I held so many fears of not having her in my life anymore.  I knew it might have been selfish of me since she as in so much pain due to the bone cancer, but I couldn’t let go. 

I remembered once how I came to her tiny studio apartment for our outing.  Her world became so small as sickness confined her with him her 4 walls most of the time.
As much as she wanted to live a simplistic life, her home was as cluttered as a squirrels hole just before a hard winter.  She kept everything, and everything she cherished.  She had a part of her wall stacked with books she accumulated because of her shut in days.
Stacked almost to the ceiling. 

Every week when we got together, it was a time of ‘show and tell’ of treasures we have found the previous week.  This time she was pleased to show me her waterfall.  She giggled when she showed me the huge blue and white swirl pattern sheet thrown over all the books. She found a creative way to bring the nature she loved into her world, even tho sickness kept her away from it.

  I know some of you might think…how odd..or maybe her treatments was eating away her good cells of her brain…but I assure you, that isn’t the case.  This was my friend.  She found simple joys in things and places others couldn’t even see.

I cried walking home today.
I didn’t see a waterfall that day.  I saw a sheet covering books.
But when I recalled that memory today….I don’t remember seeing the sheet….I now can only remember the waterfall it was.

I miss my best friend.

14
Main / A LETTER TO LIFE
« on: July 29, 2008, 05:32:52 AM »
Thank you for all the support and encouragement from my first letter to death.   I have written another and I hope you will like this one as well.

This one is dedicated to our/my friend Donna B.  She has shown me that there is life, and it is to be lived to the fullest, in spite the adversities that life throws at us.  She has shown me by example, not just words. 

Today I celebrate her life!  Donna...you are my inspiration.  You are woman, and we hear your roar!


Dear Life

How I miss you old friend.
You are faithful to be here for me whether I want you, or not.
Since death visited, it seems as if I lost all desire for you.
There doesn’t seem a reason to feel joyful or content.
I am blinded by my pain, and can not see beyond that right now.

Life, you had once given me an abundance that I was not deserving of.
But in this quiet time of death, oh how I struggle to remain with you.
There are even moments that I pray you would give up on me.

Where there was love and happiness, why does it seem like anger took root?
I use to have such hope in you, but now that is clouded with despair.
I have brief glimpses of my old you, and in those moments I want you back.
But then the fog rolls in, when I remember what once was, and is not any more.

Life, I know you are still here for me, even waiting for me patiently.
I can hear you beckoning me to come back to you, and I want to answer your call.
Remind me through your beauty of this world that there is so much left to see and do.
I want so desperately to taste your goodness and fullness once again.

I know you are teaching me a great lesson on humility.
It is through my broken heart that I am now able to see another’s pain.
I was so ridged, and am learning that I must bend or else I will break.
I thought I was invincible, but now I see just how fragile you have made me.
I thank you for showing me that you do not measure our days by years, hours or minutes, but in our breaths and heartbeats.

Like a mangled body trying to walk again, I struggle to move on.
I try to place one foot in front of the other with great difficulty and stubbornness.
Before large strides were taken carelessly, now I am struggling to look ahead.
With each step forward, I pray it will be a step farther away from the pain I am enduring.
But I will take that step.
I have to take that step.
And I will celebrate victory in that moment as it is a new milestone.


15
Main / Letter to DEATH
« on: July 20, 2008, 05:55:08 AM »
This is a letter I wrote to Death.  I invite anyone who would like to add to this, or write one of their own on this topic. 

Dear Death

You came into my life with no invitation.
No amount of locked doors was going to stop you.
Often I prayed to keep you away, as I knew you approaching.

There was no pleading with you, and you were not interested in making any bargains.
You are no respecter of persons; you take the young just as easily as the aged.
Your ways can be brutal, and despicable, taking human dignity with you.
You came in a brief moment, then you left me with a lifetime of heartache.

Your calling card is loneliness.  The constant and abundance of loneliness.

Do you ever look back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me?
When you stop a heart, don’t you understand that it beat with another?
Am I now supposed to find contentment with a photo and memories of my lost one?
Don’t you dare ask me to do that which is impossible, to accept this!

Tears are the only words my heart can speak, and it seems those conversations are plentiful.
The pain pierces my soul.
I use to fear you.
Not any more. 
I despise you.
You have changed me, lets just say, you have broken me.
I know no one gets a pardon from death but I just wish you didn’t come so soon…or at all.

Since your arrival nights are difficult to be alone with one’s thoughts.
Then the days it feels as if I am living in a different dimension than everyone else.
Death, you left me full of regrets of what I could of done, or should of done.
I am so keenly aware of you now, seems I feel like you are going to strike again.
I am anxious when another loved one takes a trip, I say to myself “will they be taken too”?

Your cloak of darkness is so heavy and tiresome to wear.
You make me question my God, and for that I hate you.
I hate you.  I hate you.

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