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Topics - Judy-Marc's mum

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Child Loss / Marc's 21st
« on: August 31, 2009, 08:33:49 AM »
Hi everyone.  Today it is tuesday the 1st Sept at 1.10am (the time my gorgeous son was born) Western Australia time and it would be his 21st birthday. :)
On Saturday we had a party for him and the turn out of family and his friends was great.  If you would like to see some pictures, (
I thought that it would be a hard thing to do but instead I found that it has been great.. I was dreading today as all I could think of is how bad it was going to be, but instead I am thinking that it might have been the best thing to do.  Having all his friends here was just so fantastic as I have not seen them since his funeral 2 1/2 yrs ago.  My heart just feels a little bit more settled now. We were all telling Marc stories and the remember whens!!!!
Our daughter gave me the best surprise by coming down for the party, she had previously told me that she was not able to get down for work commitments as she had just started a new job just a few months before. ;D

I just think that I might get through today without to many tears.

All of my love to anyone else having a birthday or angel day today.
Judy (Marc's Mum)

Child Loss / Marc's 21st
« on: July 01, 2009, 01:21:09 AM »
Hi everyone,
Sorry I havent been here for quite some time.  I have been reading the posts from time to time though.
We have just moved back to Western Australia from the Northern Territory (which is where Marc died) which is feeling quite strange after all  time that we spent away, but the good thing is that I have a chance now to catch up with all his old friends. :)
It will be his 21st in two months time and they have been asking me if I am going to have a party for him.  The hard part is that I would like to do something but I am not sure what.  My husband wants to have something here at the house where there are pictures of him around.
I know that it is going to be a very hard thing to do but I just feel that I need to do it for him
Has anyone had any experience with this sort of thing or been though the same??  

Child Loss / Happy birthday Marc
« on: August 29, 2008, 04:48:27 PM »
20th Birthday Poem

How do you say “Happy Birthday”
to a son that’s no longer here?
Who was also a friend and brother,
whose presence is always near.

Living without you from day to day,
is pain we all endure.
But you are in a better place,
as for that, we all are sure.

Knowing this still doesn’t make it easy,
you would have turned 20 today.
And although you are celebrating in heaven.
In OUR hearts you will always stay!

So Happy Birthday Marc,
your teenage days would be over and done.
From child to young adult,
had only you not died so young.

God must have needed an angel,
to teach a lesson or two.
And as we all know there has never been,
a more prefect angel than YOU!

So with some courage and  strength,
along with all the pain that we bear.
We will do our best to live without you,
until the day that we meet you there.

Love you always

Child Loss / Back at day one
« on: April 30, 2008, 03:17:56 AM »
By nature I dont remember my dreams, but last night I had a dream that I wish that I dont remember.  I dreamt that Marc & I were driving and we came across an accident.  We stopped and I got out telling him to ring the police on my mobile phone as I went to help the people in the accident.  After it was over I went back to my car to find it and Marc gone. (to those that dont know Marc took my car whilst we were away on holidays and had an accident and died)  Next I was driving around to try and find him and I kept seeing guys that looked like him but they weren't.
I have been so depressed today (and after I thought I was getting to be able to cope) that it feels the same as it did the moment that we found out that he was dead. I am back at the place were we all started this journey from.
All I have done today is cry.  Dont want to see anyone or talk to them either.
Today is a day that I wish away.
Has anyone else had dreams like this.
Love Judy

Child Loss / Thought I would share this poem
« on: March 17, 2008, 02:11:25 AM »
This poem was posted on Marc's website.
I thought of how true it was so I thought that I would share it with all of you.

♥ღ♥ Gone Only To Others by Ann Holloway ♥ღ♥

Others, who do not know,
Tiptoe around your name
Unaware that your name is silently
Written on my heart, my soul, my life
And inwardly I cry out to hear it spoken.

Others who do not know
Think of you as only in the past
And believe
That you only exist in my past too
Not understanding that you are
Past, Present, Future.

Others, who do not know,
Feel you as gone,
And fail to see the reality of you
Never being ‘truly’ gone from me.
The empty void of your absence
Is filled with your presence,
Your life will forever weave through mine
The divine bond cannot be severed.

Others who do not know,
Mistakenly may think that my love has been
Weakened by separation,
Feelings ceased,
Not so.
Entwined and strengthened
My love for you lives on
And has not died with death.
But you know all this,
If only others knew.

Love you always Marc

Child Loss / 14 months today without Marc
« on: February 09, 2008, 03:48:59 PM »
Well it is the 10th of Feb here now.  Another month has gone by and it is to the day that my Marc has been gone for 14 months.  I sit here at 8.00am crying at my computer whilst I look at all of his photo's, also thinking about the family of the other vehicle (a mother and her 2 kids).  It wasn't her fault, it was Marc's, but I am sure she is living with it as well.  For some reason (for reasons that we will never know of) Marc took my car that night.  He didnt have his licence yet, but was going for it in a few weeks.  He was a good driver but over confident in his abilities.  Unforfortuntely those abilities were not good enough when he found himself in a situation that he couldn't control.  A few seconds either way, he would of ended up in the scrub.  Probably would of totalled my car but I would rather that alternative than the one we are living now.  That split second made the difference.
I know that I will be thinking of her as well when I take some flowers down to his memorial rock (at the site of the accident) today.
Love you always my Marc.

Marc at his year 11 ball. (just before we moved to Darwin)

Child Loss / Hopefully I got through
« on: February 06, 2008, 03:37:21 AM »
On my way to work this morning I was doing the speed limit on the highway and one of the young boys from our computer department went flying past me in his hotted up car.  It was like I was standing still.  When I got there he wasnt there. 
I saw him about an hour later and asked him what speed he was doing.  His reply "I dont know but pretty cool huh".  I told him that no it wasnt "cool" and that if I saw him doing that again, even if he thought that I was a bitch, I would call the police on him. 
I went on to explain that I had lost my 18yr old son (14th months ago on sunday) in a car accident due to speeding and that I wouldnt like any other family to go though what we all go through if I could help it.  I also told that I do rather like him and would like to have him around for a bit longer. 
Long story short I was crying whilst I told him about Marc so Iam the one who ended up getting a hug.
Hopefully the message got through about what can happen and that he now takes a bit more care on the roads.  Only time will tell.  He knows me well enough to know that I am not bluffing about the police.
Love to you all
Judy Marc's Mum

Child Loss / Sorry but very angry
« on: February 01, 2008, 09:26:55 AM »
Sorry if anyone got offended by my posts.  Just very angry at the moment. Missing Marc really bad at the moment.  Insomnia really sucks
Listening to Nickleback " Far Away"
Song for all of us.  It is beautiful

Child Loss / I heard a beautiful story
« on: January 25, 2008, 03:17:03 PM »
Talking to Alisa (my grand daughter Makayla's mum) last night, she told me of a beautiful story that happened a couple of weeks ago.
Makayla was being naughty and was sent to her room, and as they had visitors Alisa or her stepfather Demis didn't go into her room to check her.  After the vistors had gone, she went in and found her asleep.  She woke her up and Makayla asked if anyone had come in and given her a kiss, upon hearing that no-one had been in her room she replied that yes somone had been in her room and that they had given her a kiss on the cheek.  :)
Alisa asked her if it was Uncle Marc to which she said that Uncle Marc is just in the photo that she has of him in her room.  (she knows that Marc is an angel and that he scares away any monsters that might try and hide under her bed) after try to explain to her about the whole mystery of life and death to her, which was to much for a 4 year old,(nearly 5 Nanny as I keep getting told)  Alisa gave up on it.
She said to me that she believes that it was Marc and that she is really happy to know that he is still around keeping an eye on them all.
I believe that was him just letting Makayla know that even if she was being naughty that she is still loved very much by everyone.
I wanted to post this as it is such a positive story for all of us :)

Child Loss / Marc
« on: January 03, 2008, 05:06:25 AM »
It’s finely taken over 12 months now to get the final coroners final verdict.  Got it today.  Marc died with what Christopher Reeves had.  (I am so glad that he didn’t survive.) (He would of hated it, )Along with a lot of other injuries associated with an MVA.
His whole body was destroyed. He wanted to be an organ donor
I lost the plot
I read about the many injuries that he had
It breaks my heart to finally realize that Marc made the biggest mistake of his life.  He knew that he wasn’t a great driver and that he many mistakes.
I am sitting here sobbing my heart out and knowing what he did was great mistake.
AT least I KNOW that he didn’t have any drugs in his system (he was antidrugs)
I am the father of Marc Aidan Nuyens and miss him every day. Driving to and from work  with the radio on I think of him every day. I had a beautiful boy that died at 18 years  and I wish I can see him for one last time. I am 50 yrs old and I wish I could trade places so my son can be here today. I know it is not possible but believe that if there is a superior being that things will work out in the end . Love you son you are always in my heart. Love Dad.

This is the first time that my husband has been able to put into words that he feels.
Love to you all. Thinking of all our lost children.  We know that one day we will meet again
Judy & Max ( Marc’s Mum & Dad)

Child Loss / Thank goodness today is over
« on: December 25, 2007, 06:34:30 AM »
Here in Australia it is now 11.00 pm.  Thank goodness that the day is over.  On Sunday I went to our main shopping cen tre to get all the last minute bits and pieces and while I was there my chest went tight and I found it hard to breathe ( I think I must of been having a panic attack.  Never had one before.)  All the people I think.  Didn"t want to be there.
Today I had a few spits when everyone thought that it would be the same as always.  Mum will do it, as I always enjoyed doing Xmas.  Not this year.  Help needed.
We went to a friends place this afternoon who is also from where we lived before here, and her son was here also.  It WAS SOO GREAT to see her son Matthew and his girlfriend.  He was Marc's best friend.  (Friends since they were 4).  We had a bit af a Marc fest.  Talking about him and how he should be here.
Well all the cards are down now and I have another year to get prepared for the next one.
Hope that you all have a day that is copeable.  Mine was.
Good luck and I hope that you all have a good xmas

Child Loss / I hate this time of year
« on: December 21, 2007, 06:47:34 AM »
Today is 1 yr on since Marc’s funeral.  That is the day that reality hit; he wasn’t going to be walking in the door any time soon.  Until then I kept on waiting for the door to open and him saying “I’m home” and kicking his dirty work boots off at the door.

I know that we saw him in the funeral home here in Darwin but it wasn’t the same as seeing him in Perth with all the family and friends saying I so sorry.  Sorry about what, I wanted to ask. Numb, Numb, Numb

Still so very numb. I hate being here when he is not.

I go to work; I come home and drink to keep myself numb so that I don’t have to think. 

My husband doesn’t like to talk about Marc because it hurts him too much, but it hurts me more not to.
Sorry raving now, but I can’t help myself.  S**t.

The pain off handling this is unbelievable.  I never thought that I would have to go through all off this.  Marc was such a good boy. 

I would like to share with everyone that has lost a child what my friend Judy wrote for Marc as I think that it applies to all of our children.

The phone rang in the early hours of the morning and I was informed that Marc was involved in an accident and had not survived. As I sat crying with Ron, I took a few minutes to gather myself and then I thought, “It’s just not fair”.
No. It was just not fair. We can try to share with Marc’s family the grief they feel, but it is not really in our power to do so. We are compelled to measure the loss of our friend, our mate, our brother or son in our own way and turn instead to what we can share; the extraordinary life that touched us all.
When Jude rang me and told me about Marc's accident, all I could think was, "My God, what a waste." My second thought was, "How could God be so cruel and unfair." So many people waste the gifts they have been given, and squander lives of endless possibilities. But he was a person who was going places and a joy to see grow up.
Not long ago, many of you sitting here today with heavy hearts of sorrow were saying goodbye and good luck as he made his journey to Darwin. His future was bright. Many of you who said goodbye then were celebrating his future as well as, maybe, even envying his chance to see other places.
Grieving is a strange thing. You go through so many stages, from disbelief, to anger, to feelings of unfairness, to questioning why or how, and finally to a form of acceptance tinged with intense sorrow. Actually, every feeling you have about the death of a youthful loved one is intense.
I tried hard to think of all of my experiences with Marc. Being a realist, I pressed myself to think of everything, the good and the bad. What I realised after two hours was that I couldn’t think of any bad, and it wasn’t the product of a faulty memory. Almost all of my experiences with Marc were positive and happy encounters, and the ones that weren’t, were entirely during the typically awkward years that are early adolescence. But even those experiences were not negative, merely neutral.
Marc was like another son/brother to Michael along with Phillip but unique in his own way. He was a fantastic, polite boy and joy to be around. He was well respected and loved by his peers and by us adults, he will always hold a place in the Wright family’s hearts forever.
Marc, you were a great student and friend. We celebrate your life as one with many many accomplishments. Thank you for touching all of us and giving us the joy of knowing you.
Thank you, Marc. Your spirit will continue to live on in all of us and I know if there is a football field up in heaven, Marc is standing on it now with the footy under his arm waiting for us to finish so he can get on with his game. So Marc, I’m finished, and as you fly with the angels, kick a goal for all of us.

So let us all think of all of most precious children and let the living also know what they mean to us while there is still time
Time is so short

I know that I havent replied to a lot of posts, it is because I dont know what to say.  Untill I figure it out for myself I know I am no good for helping anyone else.

I hope that you all get through this time of year ok

Thinking of you all


Child Loss / Sharing Marc's Song
« on: December 17, 2007, 06:54:25 AM »
Snow Patrol Chasing Cars Lyrics

He chose his own songs for his funeral. This one, Forever young and Far away

We'll do it all
On our own

We don't need
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Yes i would in a heart beat if i could.  if only.
I have to think about Dad, Danielle and Phillip,
They are the only ones keeping me going at the moment
Marc I cant believe that it is nearly a year now since I gave you your  last kiss goodbye.
I will never forget you.  I love you so much my baby

Child Loss / Marc's Angel Day
« on: December 08, 2007, 06:42:51 AM »
Marc Aidan Nuyens
01/09/1988 - 10/12/2006
A year has now gone by so slowly, but so quickly.
Someday we will be together again,
Until then keep that beautiful smile on that handsome face,
And know that we love you and miss you so very, very much.
Love Mum, Dad, Danielle & Phillip

Child Loss / This is the best site
« on: October 26, 2007, 07:09:22 AM »
I am SO glad that I found this site.  Found it yesterday.  Questions that have been going round in my head have finally found some answers.  It has been 10 1/2 months now since Marc left us and I really have had no one to talk to up here, and when I do mention his name eyes seem to glaze over.  I found this poem quite some time ago and I think that it relates to all of us, so I thought that i would share it with all of you.

Hello, Old Friend,
Oh, yes, you know
I lost my child a while ago.
No, no please
Don’t look away
And change the subject
its ok.
You see, at first I couldn’t feel,
It took so long, but now it’s real.
I hurt so much inside you see
I need to talk,
Come sit with me?
You see, I was numb for so very long,
And people said, “My, she is so strong.”
They did not know I couldn’t feel,
My broken heart made all unreal.
But then one day, as I awoke
I clutched my chest, began to choke,
Such a scream, such a wail,
Broke from me…
My child! My child!
The horror of reality.
But everyone has moved on, you see,
everyone except for me.
Now, when I need friends most of all,
Between us there now stands a wall.
My pain is more than they can bear,
When I mention my child,
I see their blank stare.
“But I thought you were over it,”
Their eyes seem to say,
No, no, I can’t listen to this, not today.
So I smile and pretend, and say, “Oh, I’m ok”.
But inside I am crying, as I turn away.
And so my old friend, I shall paint on a smile,
As I have from the start,
You never knowing all the while,
All I’ve just said to you in my heart.

Thank you all for what I have found here.

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