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Topics - Landons Mom Shelly

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« on: February 27, 2011, 09:49:55 PM »
Hello my friends....I know it's been some time since I've posted but a family of mine has suffered a terrible loss I'm asking for your prayers.  I work for the State which handles the county wildland & all risk response (fire department).  A wonderful friend of mine that I've had for almost 20 years (he was only 39 y/o) passed away last night totallay unexpectedly!!  PLEASE SEND YOUR PRAYERS OUT TO HE, HIS FAMILY, AND HIS LITTLE 8 Y/O GIRL.  He was the best man you could've ever known and I just don't understand why things happen to such amazing, caring people...   Shelly

Child Loss / Landon's 3rd Angel date today
« on: June 01, 2010, 12:20:59 PM »
Hello All,

Just wanted to share with everyone that today is my son Landon's 3rd angel hard to believe that he's been gone so long yet it seems it's been only months since we last saw him.  I miss him so much and am really struggling today trying to put on a "face" for all my family as we try & "celebrate" Landon's life doing something that he loved.  Thank you all for being here for me all these years, in the times when I've need you most...missing you today and always Landon....

Child Loss / Touching base w/ my closest friends...
« on: January 13, 2010, 02:34:06 PM »
Hello Everyone....

I just wanted to let all of my friends know that I am always reading about all of you, each & every day, thinking of our wonderful children, just not posting as often as I'd like.  Reasons much the same as so many of you have described, but other reasons as well & I really miss not being able to openly vent to my friends like I used to.  Before my posts began being hacked into by outsiders (in my individual case) this site was my security blanket; I felt so comforted by all of you, helping me cope with my crumpled life after losing Landon, helping me to try and make some sense of it all and giving me the strength when I needed it most.  I truly am sorry that I haven't posted more but know that I care deeply for each and every one of you. 

I'll give an update, as much as I can.  My request for a child advocate for my youngest was approved and so far, it really seems to be helping him as he deals with "our" situation.  He can openly express himself to her, giving him a voice in his life.  I'm still dealing with "someone" and the continual verbal bashing I get when I do have to speak with him, well, I usually just have to hang-up.  Luckily I've been blessed to have found a wonderful "special someone" to lean on, confide in,  who has finally brought some hope & joy back in to my life.  My older two kiddos are doing really well so, for now, things are on a bit of an "upswing" for our adjusted lives.

For the newest members here, I am sorry you have had to found this site, knowing full well most of what you're feeling at this point.  Take comfort in this wonderful group and know that everyone, even those who don't post often, are here to lend a caring ear and hopefully some much needed support when you need it most.  God bless you all....

« on: December 12, 2009, 03:01:08 PM »
Hello friends,

I came across a beautiful website where we can light candles for our lost loved ones.  Here's a link to the candles that have been lit so far today for my really warms my heart.  Everyone can set-up a page for family & friends to light a candles for their children.

Child Loss / Graduation & Landon's Angel Day
« on: May 29, 2009, 11:55:34 AM »
Hello friends,

It's been awhile since I've posted, still plugging along in my life as it is now without our Landon in our midst.  Tonight will be my oldest son's graduation, an event I should be looking forward to but having so many mixed emotions about it all, and so wishing to God that Landon could be here to enjoy it with us.  I look at my daughter's graduation pictures, how much fun we all had with everyone there, all my kids and family.  Tonight will be so hard to keep a smile on my face but I know I have to.... my son has been struggling as well, doesn't talk much but I see it in his eyes.  He's losing his friends as he's graduating, will miss not having Landon to enjoy his day, and having to face Landon's 2nd angel date only two days away, June 1st.  I know we'll be able to make it through, we've been through so much and this will just be another damn hurdle that we'll have to get over that we don't want to have to.  I just wanted to ask for everyone's prayers tonight for my son Bryan and for Monday, June 1st for the 2nd anniversary of my precious Landon's angel date.  I miss him so much.

Thank you all,

(from left, Landon, Christian, cousin Logan & Bryan @ my daughter's graduation 2006)

(one of Bryan's senior pics this year for Landon)

« on: January 14, 2009, 11:30:43 PM »
Hello my friends....

I won't be posting much anymore on this site and it breaks my heart.  I received a text message from my ex today at work, or I guess I should say soon-to-be-ex telling me, " Saw all yor postings trashin me on the internet." 

Well, I never imagined anyone, let alone my ex, would take this tragic site of all of us who've lost our loved ones who are leaning on each other for comfort and sabotage the true purpose of what it was meant to do, to allow us to get support and express our feelings, but I guess I was wrong.  I've been through so much with this man and shouldn't be surprised but I really am.... I never thought he'd stoop to such lengths to hurt me.

I want to thank all of you for everything you've done for me and my children this past year.  I've said this before but I have to say it again... without your support and encouragement, I know we wouldn't be doing as well as we are and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I love all of you and will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers daily.....

God bless,

Child Loss / WHAT WOULD YOU DO ???
« on: September 09, 2008, 07:43:42 PM »
Today at lunch, someone asked me about a scar I have on my chest from a port-a-cath that I'd had put in back in '93 when I was going through chemotherapy for stage 4 Hodgkins Disease, so of course the subject of cancer came up . . . everyone wanted to know how often I have to go back for check-ups, xrays, etc etc and I had to admit to everyone in the room that I honestly will never, EVER go back for another test again!!  Everyone seemed so shocked... but for me, it's a no-brainer!  I honestly don't want to "fight" to stay here, now don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for a death sentence or anything but if I do get cancer again, I'm not afraid to go and I look forward to seeing my son Landon in Heaven.  Is this crazy thinking cause everyone in the room thought I was bonkers ????

Child Loss / Strange dreams have me on edge . . .
« on: August 03, 2008, 09:13:59 PM »
Hello All,

I wanted to get some opinions from my friends who I can confide in . . .

The past two days I've have some REALLY upsetting dreams and was wondering if anyone else experienced anything like this before.  I don't normally dream too much so these two really caught me off guard.

The first dream I had was of my Mom & Dad (my Mom passed away in Oct '04) and they were happy, healthy, just like before driving their RV through town when they were caught in some sort of driveby cross-fire and both of them died in my dream, I was even trying to help them but couldn't!!  It was SOOOO real.  I was so excited in my dream to see my Mom, happy & healthy. . . & then this ???  Then last night I had another vivid dream that my cancer came back (I had cancer back in '93) and remember in my dream the doctor coming in (so much like before when I was diagnosed) and told that I had 6 weeks to live.  When I woke up from this last dream, I can't say that I was all that upset (which is terrible to say I know) but I've come to kinda accept life/death and almost look forward to the day that I get to see my Landon again (not like I have a death wish or anything, just not afraid to go, if anyone understands what I'm saying).   :-\

These dreams have me kinda spooked . . . probably making more of them than I should, probably just upset over this past week with Landon's birthday & other "stuff" going on.  Has anyone else had these kinda of "weird" dreams that just take you aback??

Landon's Mom forever,


Child Loss / Landon's 13th Birthday
« on: July 31, 2008, 04:24:09 PM »
Just trying to post my Landon's 13th birthday on the event calendar . . . he would've been 13 tomorrow, August 1st, I miss you Landon so much.

Landon's Mom forever,


Child Loss / Another terrible loss - need everyone's prayers
« on: July 24, 2008, 11:35:41 AM »
Hello All,

There was a terrible accident here in our small community that has devastated two families.  Two teenage boys playing with a gun, one boy is gone forever and the other boy is in the hospital in critical condition, as of the last update, no brain activity & it doesn't look like he will make it through.  I've posted a link to the article in our paper below which explains, this hits close to home since one of the boys (Ivan who's in the hospital) is my co-worker's nephew.

Again, I would appreciate any prayers you could give the families today . . . thank you.

Landon's Mom forever,


« on: June 20, 2008, 10:33:27 PM »
Hello Everyone,

I was thinking tonite & wanted to take on a project . . . something for all of us to remember and bring together our loved ones.  This site has been such a wonderful healing place for me to express my sadness, anger, to vent, to share my wonderful little boy, and I've gotten to know so many of you and your loved ones as well.  I so enjoy seeing everyone's photos of their loved ones, almost as if they're still here with us.  My daughter set me up a Myspace page so that I could stay in touch with her while she is in college.  It's been good therapy for me, I set-up a little slide show of my kids, alot of Landon which has helped me so much to be able to be at work and see Landon whenever I want  . . . 

Anyways, I want to make a slide show with music and ask anyone who's interested to post a favorite photo/photos of their loved ones or you can email them to me @ [email protected].  If you want an idea of what I'm talking about, you can to take a look at the slideshow I have on my Myspace page/

Thank you, I hope to make this a slideshow for everyone to enjoy & make our loved ones proud . . .

Landon's Mom forever,


« on: June 20, 2008, 12:06:29 PM »
Hello All,

I just wanted to share the memorial ad that I put in the paper for our little Landon, they did such a wonderful job on it.

Thanks for letting me share this with all of my friends . . . miss you precious Landon . . .

« on: June 04, 2008, 09:38:25 PM »
Hello everyone . . . normally I post on the "Child Loss" board but tonite I've been thinking alot about something and really wanted everyone's honest opinions on this.

Has anyone ever been to one of those psychics like Sylvia Browne or the other guys (I forget his name but he's really amazing to watch on TV, John something).  I have so many questions I want to get resolved, I want to know that my little Landon is really okay up in Heaven and I want to believe that my Mom is with him right now.  I want to ask him if he's happy, if he watches over his brothers & sister . . . I just want to know what really happened that terrible day & if he forgives me for not being home when it happened (most people wouldn't understand but this is something I won't ever get over in my lifetime).

My sister is totally against this, she believes that psychics are evil, but I don't.  I believe that they have a gift that most of us were never given.

Would love to hear from anyone on this subject . . . thanks.

Landon's Mom forever,


« on: May 26, 2008, 09:53:11 AM »
Posting Landon's 1st angel date

Hello my dearest friends . . . I am sorry I haven't posted in so long, please know that I am here quite often checking in on everyone, things with me and my boys' lives have been going okay I guess, but still battling through a nasty divorce that I had hoped would be long over by now (just seems to drag on forever  :( )

My little Landon's 1st angel date is soon approaching (June 1st) and I'm starting to panic, don't know how I will handle, what I will do, how I will function, what should I do to prepare . . . my family (sisters, dad and others) have offered to come in from out of town to be with us, just don't know if that's what we'll need or what?????  Does anyone have any suggestions to help me and my boys get us through the most horrible anniversary date ever??  I know what I want to do, but that's not possible (you all know what I mean when I say that) . . . I have to stay strong for the boys . . . this past mothers' day I thought I was going to be okay, morning started off okay then, BOOOM!!  It hit me like a freight train and I just couldn't be consoled, no matter what anyone said to me, I couldn't stop bawling.  I ruined my boys' mothers' day, but all I could think of was how much Landon loved making cards for me and bringing in flowers to surprise me and how I would never get to see that, ever ever again.

Thank you all for being here for me, I can't say this enough, had it not been for this group, I wouldn't be walking & talking today (even though sometimes I don't want to be, but my kids want me to be so I am).  I would sure appreciate any help you could give me.

Love always,

Landon's Mom forever,  Shelly

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