Show Posts
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Pages: [1]
1
Sibling Loss / One year ago today....
« on: March 16, 2008, 03:55:00 PM »
One year ago today I lost my sister Melanie. Even writing her name brings tears to my eyes.
Most of you know my story, some of you don't. A year ago today my sister was 8 months pregnant and a day away from her 35th birthday. So in love and so ready to become a mom, a time that should have been her happiest she left us, 7 short hours after her baby girl left us, 7 short months after my dad left us.
This year has been one filled with much sorrow, grief, growth and so much more. There are days I can still make myself believe she is just on vacation. There are days when the pain is so real that it hurts so much that I am blinded.
A year ago today my mom and I lived through hell. With the help of my wonderful husband and step-children and countless friends and family we have made it through the last of the firsts and are still standing. That alone amazes me some days.
I love you Melly. There is not a second that goes by that I don't think of you and miss you.
Most of you know my story, some of you don't. A year ago today my sister was 8 months pregnant and a day away from her 35th birthday. So in love and so ready to become a mom, a time that should have been her happiest she left us, 7 short hours after her baby girl left us, 7 short months after my dad left us.
This year has been one filled with much sorrow, grief, growth and so much more. There are days I can still make myself believe she is just on vacation. There are days when the pain is so real that it hurts so much that I am blinded.
A year ago today my mom and I lived through hell. With the help of my wonderful husband and step-children and countless friends and family we have made it through the last of the firsts and are still standing. That alone amazes me some days.
I love you Melly. There is not a second that goes by that I don't think of you and miss you.
2
Main / Help, need advice ASAP!!!
« on: January 13, 2008, 06:02:50 PM »
Hi everyone,
I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned it in any other post but along with losing my dad and sister I have 2 wonderful step-daughters who lost their real mother 3 years ago. I'm a little sketchy on the details however I know that she had a botched c-section when her youngest which resulted in a 4 year illness and 11 surgeries to try and fix it. In the end she passed away from an accidental over dose...the girls and their Grandma found her. So sad and horrible yet the girls are doing so well...(they are now 10 and 7)
WELL out of the blue today Jenna, the youngest told us that she knows that her mom got sick when she was born and thinks that it is all her fault that she died. I am a big believer in honesty with children especially about death...I feel that sugar coating things only gives them false hope and beliefs...HOWEVER I have no idea how to handle this one. Of course it wasn't Jennas fault but any way you explain it, it all started around the time of her birth. She's a bright little girl and I shouldn't be surprised that she had figured that part out on her own.
Any advice any one could give would be great.
Thank-you so much,
Robyn
I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned it in any other post but along with losing my dad and sister I have 2 wonderful step-daughters who lost their real mother 3 years ago. I'm a little sketchy on the details however I know that she had a botched c-section when her youngest which resulted in a 4 year illness and 11 surgeries to try and fix it. In the end she passed away from an accidental over dose...the girls and their Grandma found her. So sad and horrible yet the girls are doing so well...(they are now 10 and 7)
WELL out of the blue today Jenna, the youngest told us that she knows that her mom got sick when she was born and thinks that it is all her fault that she died. I am a big believer in honesty with children especially about death...I feel that sugar coating things only gives them false hope and beliefs...HOWEVER I have no idea how to handle this one. Of course it wasn't Jennas fault but any way you explain it, it all started around the time of her birth. She's a bright little girl and I shouldn't be surprised that she had figured that part out on her own.
Any advice any one could give would be great.
Thank-you so much,
Robyn
3
Main / Baby Shower
« on: November 25, 2007, 03:09:04 PM »
Hello everyone,
as many of you know, I lost my sister and her full term baby girl 8 months ago due to very sudden pregnancy complications. My best friend was her Doctor and she is now 8 months pregnant. It's kind of crazy that she found out she was pregnant a few days after my sister died as she had been trying for over a year with no luck.
Today I threw a baby shower for her. The last baby shower I was at was my sisters. While part of me feels like I just made some pretty good progress as babies and anything related have been something I have avoided since all of this happened. The other part of me is just SO SO sad. I am happy that I did this for my friend. She is one of few who really understand how I am feeling as she was there, has known my sister for years etc. But I can't stop thinking of how promising my sisters life was 8 short months ago. How happy we all were. How her new baby was going to help us all get through losing my dad.
I just still can't believe this happened. How could this have happened to us and more importantly WHY did this have to happen? I can come to tterms with losing my dad. I miss him everyday but have accepted his death. He was 72, he had lung cancer, he had lived such a great life. But my 34 year old sister? How is that even possible?
as many of you know, I lost my sister and her full term baby girl 8 months ago due to very sudden pregnancy complications. My best friend was her Doctor and she is now 8 months pregnant. It's kind of crazy that she found out she was pregnant a few days after my sister died as she had been trying for over a year with no luck.
Today I threw a baby shower for her. The last baby shower I was at was my sisters. While part of me feels like I just made some pretty good progress as babies and anything related have been something I have avoided since all of this happened. The other part of me is just SO SO sad. I am happy that I did this for my friend. She is one of few who really understand how I am feeling as she was there, has known my sister for years etc. But I can't stop thinking of how promising my sisters life was 8 short months ago. How happy we all were. How her new baby was going to help us all get through losing my dad.
I just still can't believe this happened. How could this have happened to us and more importantly WHY did this have to happen? I can come to tterms with losing my dad. I miss him everyday but have accepted his death. He was 72, he had lung cancer, he had lived such a great life. But my 34 year old sister? How is that even possible?
4
Child Loss / Can you help me help my mom.
« on: November 04, 2007, 11:30:18 AM »
Hi there,
I normally post on the main board but I was hoping maybe some of you on here could help me out.
First and foremost I am so sorry for all of your losses. I cry everytime I read about all of your wonderful children.
We lost my dad in Aug 06 and then my 34 year old sister and her unborn baby girl in March of this year. As awful as it is for me it is SO much worse for my mom. We try and include her in everything that we do. We sold our house in the country and moved back to the city to be closer to her. We bought a bigger house so that she could live with us if she ever wanted to. I call her several times a day. Nothing seems to help her. I have so much guilt that I am not doing enough yet I don't know what else to do!
I guess I am wondering, for those of you who have other children, what did they do to help you? I'm so sad for me but as soon as I think about what my mom must be going through it makes me want to throw up. Any ideas would be great. I know there is no miracle cure for grief and that we all have to go through it in our own way. If I could just make it a little easier on her though...
I normally post on the main board but I was hoping maybe some of you on here could help me out.
First and foremost I am so sorry for all of your losses. I cry everytime I read about all of your wonderful children.
We lost my dad in Aug 06 and then my 34 year old sister and her unborn baby girl in March of this year. As awful as it is for me it is SO much worse for my mom. We try and include her in everything that we do. We sold our house in the country and moved back to the city to be closer to her. We bought a bigger house so that she could live with us if she ever wanted to. I call her several times a day. Nothing seems to help her. I have so much guilt that I am not doing enough yet I don't know what else to do!
I guess I am wondering, for those of you who have other children, what did they do to help you? I'm so sad for me but as soon as I think about what my mom must be going through it makes me want to throw up. Any ideas would be great. I know there is no miracle cure for grief and that we all have to go through it in our own way. If I could just make it a little easier on her though...
5
Hello everyone,
Today I am starting a new career as an Instructor Therapist for children with autism. It is a complete new direction for me as my last career was in business management. On a day that I should be so happy and proud of myself, I am having one of the worst days to date. How can I be starting such a big change in my life without having my dad and my big sister to share it with?
I start in 2 hours and had better pull myself together fast. They have no idea of what I have been through in the last year or so and what a horrible impression I will make if I show up in tears!
Today I am starting a new career as an Instructor Therapist for children with autism. It is a complete new direction for me as my last career was in business management. On a day that I should be so happy and proud of myself, I am having one of the worst days to date. How can I be starting such a big change in my life without having my dad and my big sister to share it with?
I start in 2 hours and had better pull myself together fast. They have no idea of what I have been through in the last year or so and what a horrible impression I will make if I show up in tears!
6
Main / Happy Thanksgiving
« on: October 07, 2007, 12:04:32 PM »
To all of the canadians on this list; I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving.
May your happy memories of your loved ones and all of your traditions help you through this holiday weekend!
Thanksgiving is a tough one for me.
Growing up it was alway s BIG! 20 to 30 people in my parents tiny cottage.
When my dad got sick we kept with just our family though he always insisted on cooking. Last year was our first year without him and my sister and I attempted the turkey dinner ourselves(mom was always a better cleaner upper than cook:) Needless to say we had a half cooked turkey, the worst gravy that has ever been made and sticky rotten potatoes! We joked that he was having a great laugh at the two of us up there.
This year it's just me and I can only hope that they are somewhere together watching me make a mess of this years dinner!
May your happy memories of your loved ones and all of your traditions help you through this holiday weekend!
Thanksgiving is a tough one for me.
Growing up it was alway s BIG! 20 to 30 people in my parents tiny cottage.
When my dad got sick we kept with just our family though he always insisted on cooking. Last year was our first year without him and my sister and I attempted the turkey dinner ourselves(mom was always a better cleaner upper than cook:) Needless to say we had a half cooked turkey, the worst gravy that has ever been made and sticky rotten potatoes! We joked that he was having a great laugh at the two of us up there.
This year it's just me and I can only hope that they are somewhere together watching me make a mess of this years dinner!
7
Sibling Loss / taking care of our parents
« on: August 16, 2007, 10:33:15 AM »
Hi there, this is my first post on this bored however I have posted my story on the main bored.
I lost my 34 year old sister on March 16 2007-5 months ago today.
She became suddenly ill in the last month of her pregnancy and within 8 hours her and the baby were both gone. The medical information is still kind of grey to me, I know it was DIC but that is about it.
When we were in the hospital waiting to see if she would recover I was hysterical. Hyperventalating, sobbing, wanting to puke a complete mess. When the doctor came to tell us she was gone a had a few more tears and then became very, very calm. We brought my mom to my house, I told my little girls that they had lost yet another person they loved and began the phone calls to family and friends. Because of the suddenness the reactions I got from people were awful. Everyone thought I was calling so late to tell them that Mel had, had the baby-when I told them what had happen I was called a liar to F-off...you name it they said it. My husband, brother in-law and I planned the funneral without my mom as she was in no state to be any part of it.
Since that day in the hospital I have not cried around my mom. My dad passed 7 months before my sister and I am all my mom has left. I feel the need to be strong for her, I know that as bad as this is for me it is so much worse for her. I have my moments by myself or with my husband. Now my mom believes that I am not sad about my sister because I don't let it show around her.
While we were a very close family truth be told my mom and sister were much closer than me and my mom. I try so hard to give advice, be silent and let her talk, inclued her in everything I do but it never seems to be enough. what have some of you done to help console your parents?
Thanks for listening,
Robyn
I lost my 34 year old sister on March 16 2007-5 months ago today.
She became suddenly ill in the last month of her pregnancy and within 8 hours her and the baby were both gone. The medical information is still kind of grey to me, I know it was DIC but that is about it.
When we were in the hospital waiting to see if she would recover I was hysterical. Hyperventalating, sobbing, wanting to puke a complete mess. When the doctor came to tell us she was gone a had a few more tears and then became very, very calm. We brought my mom to my house, I told my little girls that they had lost yet another person they loved and began the phone calls to family and friends. Because of the suddenness the reactions I got from people were awful. Everyone thought I was calling so late to tell them that Mel had, had the baby-when I told them what had happen I was called a liar to F-off...you name it they said it. My husband, brother in-law and I planned the funneral without my mom as she was in no state to be any part of it.
Since that day in the hospital I have not cried around my mom. My dad passed 7 months before my sister and I am all my mom has left. I feel the need to be strong for her, I know that as bad as this is for me it is so much worse for her. I have my moments by myself or with my husband. Now my mom believes that I am not sad about my sister because I don't let it show around her.
While we were a very close family truth be told my mom and sister were much closer than me and my mom. I try so hard to give advice, be silent and let her talk, inclued her in everything I do but it never seems to be enough. what have some of you done to help console your parents?
Thanks for listening,
Robyn
8
Main / Will August please just end!!!
« on: August 16, 2007, 05:08:21 AM »
Does anyone think it would be okay if I just slept through the rest of this month? There is just too much going on and I am feeling overwhelmed.
My mother-in-laws birthday was the 9th, my daughter turned 7 on the 13th and my mom had her 60th birthday on the 14th. Today is marks 5 months since we lost my sister and niece and August 21st is one year since we lost my dad. (Did I mention that we are moving tomorrow???)
There was no funeral for my dad as per his wishes. He wanted his body donated to science so that is what we did. He did ask that when we were ready we plant a tree in his honour at the golf course near our cottage on the hole he shot his first hole in one.
We tried to do this September but cancelled because of the rain. I took it as a sign that he didn't think it was time yet.
Well, here we go again! I have a tree, the golf course is expecting us, 20 of his closest friends are coming out, I have hired a bagpiper etc. etc.
I just checked the weather and it is supposed to POUR with rain.
Any ideas?
My mother-in-laws birthday was the 9th, my daughter turned 7 on the 13th and my mom had her 60th birthday on the 14th. Today is marks 5 months since we lost my sister and niece and August 21st is one year since we lost my dad. (Did I mention that we are moving tomorrow???)
There was no funeral for my dad as per his wishes. He wanted his body donated to science so that is what we did. He did ask that when we were ready we plant a tree in his honour at the golf course near our cottage on the hole he shot his first hole in one.
We tried to do this September but cancelled because of the rain. I took it as a sign that he didn't think it was time yet.
Well, here we go again! I have a tree, the golf course is expecting us, 20 of his closest friends are coming out, I have hired a bagpiper etc. etc.
I just checked the weather and it is supposed to POUR with rain.
Any ideas?
9
Main / New to the group
« on: August 10, 2007, 07:29:54 AM »
Hello,
I just joined this group today and I am so glad I found it.
I have a story to share and I apologize if it is lengthly.
I am 30 years old and have just lived through a year sent straight from hell.
August 21 2006 my dad passed away after a 2 year battle with cancer. He was 72. Watching him suffer was awful. He was such a great father and husband. While I find perfection boring I must say that growing up, I was lucky to have a perfect little family. My mom my dad and my sister and I could not have asked for anything more.
The day my sister called me to tell me that dad was gone our perfect circle began to fall apart. The worst day of my life, so I thought, however I had no idea how much worse life could get.
One week before my dad passed away my sister told us she was pregnant. The news and the anticipation of a new little person helped us all to cope with the loss of my dad.
my sister had agreat pregnancy, no mourning sickness and happier than I had ever seen her.
When she was 8 months pregnant something went horribly wrong.
I was at the zoo with my mom, husband and my 2 step-daughters having a lovely time. We got a call from my sister's friend telling us that she had lost the baby and was VERY sick.
That call was at 10am March 16th 2007. She died at 8pm that day,hours before her 35th birthday. Life is hard. I am a constant state of worry for my mom and my brotherin-law. To top it off, my step daughters who are 7 and 9 lost their own mother 3 years ago this month.
I know enough to know that life must go on but find it near impossible to let go of the fear of who's next and when.
Thank-you for listening, I needed to talk.
I just joined this group today and I am so glad I found it.
I have a story to share and I apologize if it is lengthly.
I am 30 years old and have just lived through a year sent straight from hell.
August 21 2006 my dad passed away after a 2 year battle with cancer. He was 72. Watching him suffer was awful. He was such a great father and husband. While I find perfection boring I must say that growing up, I was lucky to have a perfect little family. My mom my dad and my sister and I could not have asked for anything more.
The day my sister called me to tell me that dad was gone our perfect circle began to fall apart. The worst day of my life, so I thought, however I had no idea how much worse life could get.
One week before my dad passed away my sister told us she was pregnant. The news and the anticipation of a new little person helped us all to cope with the loss of my dad.
my sister had agreat pregnancy, no mourning sickness and happier than I had ever seen her.
When she was 8 months pregnant something went horribly wrong.
I was at the zoo with my mom, husband and my 2 step-daughters having a lovely time. We got a call from my sister's friend telling us that she had lost the baby and was VERY sick.
That call was at 10am March 16th 2007. She died at 8pm that day,hours before her 35th birthday. Life is hard. I am a constant state of worry for my mom and my brotherin-law. To top it off, my step daughters who are 7 and 9 lost their own mother 3 years ago this month.
I know enough to know that life must go on but find it near impossible to let go of the fear of who's next and when.
Thank-you for listening, I needed to talk.
Pages: [1]