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Topics - AllysonD

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Main / Question about things your loved ones did or liked to do
« on: August 27, 2007, 04:51:06 PM »
Okay I couldnt really think of an appropriate title so I hope people will read this and not skip over it.

As many of you know my younger brother passed away this past April (it still seems so weird to type that or say it aloud). Anyway, he was 26 and he had a fiancee that he had proposed to in the past year. My brother was an avid football fan, loving especially the Louisiana State University Tigers.  We (my family) plans to buy a memorial brick to pave the sidewalk leading up to the tiger's cage on campus. I think he would really like that. :)

Anyway to my question, his fiancee "J" and my mother were talking today and J said she could never watch football again b/c it was somethng they did together. My mother said she was going to put on his LSU jerseys and wear them proudly as she watched the games in memory of him.

Which would you be more likely to do?

If your 3rd cousin passed away and she liked to play backgammon, would you never play it again? Would you brush up on it and become the best backgammon player you could be?

Just curious what the concensus would be...........

Main / Birthday coming up
« on: July 25, 2007, 04:35:20 PM »
My brothers birthday is coming up, it will be the first one. He would have been 27.

My mother is in such a dark place right now. The counselor she was seeing was telling her stuff that she didnt want to hear (clean out his room, take down the pictures, etc) so she quit going to him, Thing is, she seems back to square 1 whereas I think she was seeming better when she was seeing him weekly. She said she still goes to her grief group at church once a month and that enough (I think shes been once or maybe twice). She said "well I'm reading the Elizabeth Edwards book and she left her son's room forever so I dont need to go back to that doctor!" Every conversation we have leads back to him and his death and it is just so very depressing.

Today - I called and I think I have an abscess in my gum. She had one years ago. I called her and we talked and I said "I am so scared of going to the dentist." She said "well I was too but I figure nothing can hurt me now that the worst thing in the world has already happened".

I guess I am of the Dr Phil school of thought - behave your way to success. If you want to be happy, pretend you are and eventually you will be without trying. I dont think that means I have forgotten my brother, just that I choose to go on and try to maintain a sense of normalcy for my daughter. She chooses to wallow in self pity and feel sorry for herself for a myriad of reasons, including my brother's death.

I dread the birthday cause if she is struggling this much with depression on a normal day, what will the birthday bring??? ??? ???

Yes she sees a psychiatrist and she is on medication.

Any ideas for me?

Main / Getting over it vs. forgetting?
« on: July 06, 2007, 01:03:56 PM »
I know a lot of you feel like this........if you dont cry every day or if you go and have fun at something, are you forgetting your loved one who passed? I know when my brother died, my mother said "I will never enjoy anything as long as I live again" because she thinks if she does, she is disrespecting his memory somehow. Do any of you feel this way? How do you get over it?


Main / I'm new - can I introduce myself?
« on: July 05, 2007, 02:40:13 PM »
Just a quick note to introduce myself - I am Allyson and I am from Louisiana. On April 13, I lost my only brother. He was 26. He had recently been in a car accident and shattered his arm and had to have surgery to place pins and metal plates in it and reconstruct his elbow. He lived in another state and when he started physical therapy and could not drive, he came to stay with my parents. For 3 months they had been taking him to therapy and he was recovering. He was staying with some friends one night and they came home from work to find him dead on the floor. We dont know why or how. My parents wont get the autopsy results so we have no "closure" (is that even a real thing??)

Anyway I have been looking for a group like this (I think internet would be better for me than a real life support group) and I look forward to meeting you all.


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