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Topics - DianasMemory

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1
Main / Just the Other Day. . .
« on: December 31, 2009, 09:40:07 PM »
I was going through my book marks and I found this page. . .again.

It has been two and half years now and I have been days. . .

yesterday would have been my mom's 67th birthday so it has been a little rough lately. . .

I have to say while life is do different then it was before June 4, 2007.

I can breath again. . .

I smile. . .

I laugh and I am learning to live again very slowly. . .

loosing my mom was devastating still some mornings I wake and wish this nightmare would end.

My mom would be proud of me. I have accomplished a lot of things these past few years and I think of her smiling down on me

I want to say Thank you!
This site and the people here

I came here and read and posted multiple times the first year. . .

I hung on. . . 

This site is important and has helped me tremendouly.

I wanted to let you know I am thinking of you here,.

Thank you.

Stephanie and Andy

2
Main / Prayers Needed. . .
« on: March 25, 2009, 10:00:07 PM »
It has been awhile.

I visit when I can come June it has been two years since my mom  :-[


COme june I am looking for a new job. . .

on Friday my dad is having triple bypass surgery. . .

he can sure use some prayers

thank you

3
Main / It's been awhile but tomorrow is my Mom's birthday!
« on: December 29, 2008, 08:28:00 PM »
It has been a while since I have been here.  I found this site the day my mom passed away and I read messages day in and day out for the first six months. . .

After finishing my second christmas without I miss her dearly!!!!!  Tomorrow would have been her 66th birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mom up in heaven!

18 months ago I could never imagine my life as it is today. . . .It is sure different without her. . .

I am a special education teacher started my job a month ago. k-2 special day class

I've been overwhelmed but I am making. . it one step at a time. . .

My mom has missed many special things like my six year old talking for the first time he has autism. . .

I have learned a lot with my angel up in heaven. . .

It is okay some days just to go with the motions and that sometimes is a huge accomplishment.

Despite huge odds and difficult situations one can make it one day at a time!

With Love

Stephanie

4
Main / My Mom's One Year Angel Date! Oh do I miss her
« on: June 03, 2008, 05:45:07 PM »
Wow, One year without Mom ---tomorrow is the day (JUNE 4, 2008).  I do not know what to feel numb. I miss her and need her.  I never imagined how to different my life would be one year later.  It's not terrible but it is DIFFERENT.  She is my best friend and has missed much of my accomplishes. . . this year.  I need her to talk to too hug. . .I miss my best friend and my true hero she showed dignity till the end. . .

Would she be proud? Does she know what I am trying to do? My son has sure had to grow up this last year without her.  She was his other half with me being a single mom. He is in a moderate to severe special day class.  He has severe autism although he is beginning to speak WORDS!

I'm going to release some balloons and bring her flowers Thursday as the cemetary cleans up on Thrusdays so it can be there a whole week.

I miss her hugs---she truly knew me and I hope as a parent I can know my son as well as she knew what I needed.

I also want to thank this site.  I found it the same day she passed away and it has been hear for me.  I may not always posts but I read as it centers me and truly helps me when I am in need.

I pray for all us daily.

Thanks and God Bless!

Stephanie

5
Main / Happy Heavenly B-Day Andy-- 24 years without you is too much
« on: May 25, 2008, 06:26:11 PM »
My brother Andy was 16 when he passed away 24 years ago memorial day. . . .This heavenly birthday is really effecting maybe it because the one year passing of my mom is 10 days away. . .I can't believe it.  I hope she is catching up on all the years he has been gone. . .Just sad today . . .

I was nine years old when he passed away--- I miss them both today and every day----

Their angel dates are only 10 days apart ----- Time only lessens the pain a little I miss the both of them dearly. . . .

Stephanie

6
Main / Really wishing mom was here today!
« on: May 11, 2008, 07:26:23 PM »
Happy Mothers Day MOM! I miss you dearly!  Today, has been really hard.  I found out my father took my sister out for mother's day and did not invite me. . .I'm missing my mom.  : :'(

Stephanie

7
Main / One year ago today started a journey that changed my life
« on: May 01, 2008, 07:33:20 PM »
One year ago today.  My mom entered a hospital for a blood transfusion.  This started a thirty nightmare and ended with my mom becoming my angel June 4, 2007.  She entered the hospital may 1, 2007.  This month scares me more than the anviersary date next month.  I remember the sleepless nights ---- living life in and around an ICU for that month.  I'm still paranoid when the phone rings.  I know she is gone but I wish she was still here.  I need her more than ever and I miss her truly.  She showed so much fight and strength the last month of her life.  She taught me so many life lessons.
In two weeks I will have my credential in special education --- she never got to see me truly turn my life around.  I hope she would be proud.  I have completed and will do what I promised her I would do.  I wish she was here to see it come true.
One year of things like this truly ---- suck!
I'm stressed and me and my son have been really really sick the last week.  I hope this may is a lot better than last may!

Stephanie

8
Sibling Loss / Many years ago but still fresh in my mind
« on: February 15, 2008, 10:16:11 PM »
My brother was 16 when he passed away . . .that was in 1984 I was nine years old at the time.  Ever since my mom passed away June 4, 2007  I feel like a lot of unresolved emotions have come back.  I miss her and her and oddly know how much she yearned to be with him.  I hope they are having a good time together.......I name my son after him.

Stephanie

9
Main / It's been awhile. . .
« on: February 15, 2008, 09:19:20 PM »
I think I can make it and then things get wierd.  I start my final semester of student teaching on the 25th of February.  I walk through the credential ceremony May 16th.  Maybe it is the fact that in three and half short months in will be one year.  That is so hard to fathom a year without my mom.  I take it one day at a time.  This past week I've had nightmares about her being dead and somehow very surreal.  It make me miss all the more.  I've never really had them beofre.  It's very hard no one talks about her except me.  I wish they would.  The last two days are tough.

We use to live in Illinois and I went to a sister college but have had many friends go to NIU. It kind of hit home. It was close enough to where I lived it bothering me and I live 2000 miles away now.

My son is coming along we are trying to potty train at almost six years old he is diagnosed with autism.  This year has been really struggle and I know how much help I had as a single mother and I am forever grateful to my mom.  I just miss her.  Life is so different and sometimes I wish was not this different.  I've learned about perserverance and I'm trying not to give up.  I can't I have my little guy who needs me.  He is making great progress even though he is in a moderate to severe class.  This little boy named Liam likes my son.  My son likes this boy name cade.  He made him sit down next to him and sing to him.  I hope this all pays off and gets easier one day I just want to be able to provide a decent life for my son.  I adore him and my mom did.
At least I am fullfilling my last promise to her and I am becoming a teacher.  I'm worried about afterwards --- my last promise to her as kept me motivated and going what about after that --- how do you keep motivated?????
Sorry for rambling
Stephanie

10
Main / Happy Birthday Mom!
« on: December 29, 2007, 09:41:23 PM »
My mom would have been 65 tomorrow.  I miss her.  I realize how much.  I would love to hear her yelling at me singing her happy birthday.  I sang her an early happy birthday at the graveside today.  I laughed because I could hear her yelling Dont remind me!  I just miss her.  Happy Birthday Mom!  Happy heavenly birthday!  I miss you dearly!  First birthday without her.  She truly was my rock.  >:(  I have mostly good days but today is HARD.  Life sure is WAY DIFFERENT in the last six months.  I miss you.  I wish you were here to talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your Daughter,

Stephanie

11
Main / My christmas Wish
« on: December 23, 2007, 10:02:26 AM »
My Christmas Wish is that no matter how difficult this holiday is for anyone that we celebrate life.  My son opened his presents two days early he found them.  I told him sometimes Santa drops by early so he can get to all the boys and girls house.  He just kind of smiled.  I hope next year I hear his first words and every thing he things.  Thank you to everyone on this list.  This list has became part of my extended family.  I hope you celebrate the fun of the holidays.  It has been difficult but when I look at my son I see the hope in his eyes.

I found out I got accepted into a grant program.  It will give me a scholarship next semester.  In return I have to work three years in a local school district.  Good thing is I know I will have a JOB when I graduate.  I know what city I will be working in.  It is so comforting to know next year I will be teaching.  For first year teachers that start out pretty high locally compared to other districts.  I wish my mom would have been here to see this but somehow she knows it is all working out.  It is amazing to know I will be able to break the cycle of poverty in my family and establish a future for me son!

I've came a long way from getting out of an abusive situation I just wish she could have seen me change my life.  I understand why my mom loved the serentity prayer.  It is use to drive me crazy when she would tell me do not worry about not having things it will all workout somehow.  My son has Christmas thanks to the kindness of strangers and my angel,  I'm sorry for going on and one I had a tooth pulled the other day and the pain medicine I feel like I want to talk more and more!

God Bless and Thank You I truly hope everyone has a peaceful holiday week and a wonderful new year.  Everyone is in my prayers.  It is in the silent moments that I discover who I truly am.

Stephanie

12
Main / Christmas in Heaven
« on: December 16, 2007, 02:23:11 PM »
I saw this somewhere else and it was comforting

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below,
With tiny lights, like Heaven's Beautiful
stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular,Please
wipe away your tears.
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus this
year.
I can still hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so
dear.But the
sounds of their music can't compare to the Christmas choir up here.I
have no words to even tell you,The joy their voices bring,It Is
beyond description, To hear sweet Angels sing.
I know how much you miss me,I
see pain inside your loving heart.But I am never far away,always in your
heart,We really will never part. So be happy for me, dear love
ones,You know I hold your love deep in my soul. And be glad I'm
spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year!
I sent you a gift,From
my heavenly home with God.
I sent you each a memory of my undying
Love.
After all,Love is a wonderful gift so much more than some
know. Love was always most
important in the stories Jesus told.Please take care of each other,
As our father God said to do. For I can not count all the blessings and
love God has for all of you. There are no tears here in Heaven.
MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM HEAVEN.......

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Main / Rememberence Ceremony
« on: December 09, 2007, 08:08:46 PM »
The funeral home who dontated the funeral had a rememberance ceremony for everyone who has lost a loved one.  It was beautiful.  I took my son and he did remarkable.  They did a candle lighting for everyone.  It was about 50 families and it was lovely.  I was dreading it but found it very comforting.  They gave everyone an angel cross ornament with the family members name on it.  I gave the angel to my sister.  She is struggling because she got to reconcil with my mom on her death bed but before that there was a 15 year estrangement.  She knew where we were but never would contact us.  Her and my mom reconciled.  My mom told me to keep  my sister in our lives.  She has a beautiful relationship with my son.  It was like they were never apart.  She only got to know him these last six months.  I miss my mom but she would be proud!  Through this I have been able to end the estrangement with my father.  I always wished he was in my life again and now he is.  The ceremony was awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We all had a sad but common bond!  Everyone had lost a relative in the last year.
I found everything comforting felt like my mom was hugging me!

Stephanie

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Main / Six months today! Update
« on: December 04, 2007, 08:10:46 PM »
I miss my mom!  It is hard to believe six months.  I wanted thank this board as it has became a place to go when I need to listen or I need to share.  I found this board the same day my mom passed.  It helps to connect with people.  The support has been wonderful and a godsend.  I want thank you all and I hate that we have this take journey but I have meant some wonderful people over the computer that has been a sense of strength ---

Just an update on student teaching.  I subbed today for my master teacher.  I am PASSING student teaching.  It has been a wonderful experience.  It has helped me as a person, parent and teacher.  I have one more semester of student teaching left.  I am going to search for an intern job.  I've had the kindest master teacher .  It was just the person I needed to guide me through my first experience.  I'm sad it is ending but look forward to the next step in the journey.  He does not know what I went through before I walked into this experience but I'm forever grateful and I know my mom is watching down on me.

Life changed drastically six months ago but it's not bad and I do SMILE and cry but it is just different just different.  Mom, I love you where ever you are at and I miss you so dearly.
THANK YOU!
Stephanie

15
Main / My Thanksgiving
« on: November 24, 2007, 07:37:46 AM »
Well hope all had a great holiday.

I ended up really sick --- vomiting thought it was motion sickness.  When I got home  I was still very sick about 2am yesterday I thought I had hives so i thought I was having an allergic reaction to dramamine.  I went to the hospital been told I have a skin infection at the hospital I was given a shot of antibiotics and an oral antibiotic and prescribed an antibiotic and I was told if they are not improving in a day or so  I would have to go back and be admitted for IV antibiotics,  It is not worse but it is not better so I am playing it by ear.

Stephanie

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