Messages

1

Suicide Loss / Re: Lost Dad to Suicide

« on: August 16, 2011, 05:13:51 AM »

Thanks guys
Tomorrrow marks 15 years....can't believe it... biggest thing that im fighting with is how much i don't know about him...i wish i knew more then just what people told me..i have vague memories but not many due to the fact i was so young....just wish i had more to dwell on....
have a good day everyone hope all is well!!

2

Suicide Loss / Re: Lost Dad to Suicide

« on: August 05, 2011, 12:24:29 PM »

Sorry for not being as often as i would like to be, i have been so busy with work. actually it's good tho because it keeps my mind busy. when i don't have things going on it when i tend to dwell on the "what -ifs" 15 years is comming up fast... 8/17. that's my day i like to be alone. it's my day i feel comfortable to dwell, cry, be angry, be sorry etc. My current boyfriend doesn't understand i want to be alone. he would rather try to comfort me. and for somereason i feel comfort in not being comforted by anyone but myself.  and i like to keep it that way. i wish i could make him understand with out him thinking im being rude . or maybe this will be the first year i will try to enjoy that day and embrace that day. i guess time will tell... 15 years.. seems like such a long period of time when you say it... but it still replay's like it just happened...the talk my mom had to give me (which i hope i never have to have that talk with my children if i'm ever fortunate to have any) the funeral. the calling hours..the images are as clear as day... any ways hope all is well with eveyrone! good day! and good weekend!

3

Suicide Loss / Re: Lost Dad to Suicide

« on: June 29, 2011, 12:36:06 PM »

I just want to say it is soooo comforting to come here and see the stories that people have gone thru and able to tell my story and not be judged .  Suicide is such a looked down upon action that people tend to judge and descriminate until they have been a survivor of it themselves.  i tend to keep his reason of death to myself.  one to avoid the o i'm so sorry's or if you need anything im here and two to avoid the judgments.  i tell people it was an accident and people tend to be content with that answer. i hate the thats just a weak person or i hate when people say that's just the easy way out...they have no idea what one goes thru and thinks before they decide to take that action...including survivors...i think that is what bothers me the most..no answers as to why...yes the note or yes the substance abuse or depression..but why... thats the one question that gets to me the most...why couldn't he of found some positive a little bit of positive in any situation...i will never know and i have come to terms of knowing i will never know why....

On that note, it's nice to know there are other people out there that know the pain and the questions and the grief that we have to go thru and i thank you for being so open minded and accepting. it honestly is such a great feeling to know that i can just say these things and it's ok.  i'm very excited to have found this website.  i have never been apart of a support group , i haev been forced before to be in counsling when i was young but never went more than a few times.  i can already feel that all of you are so accepting.  and to think perfect strangers can give me more satisfaction than people i have known my whole life...so thank you and i am very excited to be a part of your family

4

Suicide Loss / Lost Dad to Suicide

« on: June 29, 2011, 11:08:35 AM »

Goodafternoon!

Well i'm going to start by saying I lost my Father to Suicide when I was 8years old.  I am now 23 years old.  this august will be 15 years and for some reason latley I have been feeling more hurt than i did for what seems like so many years ago.  Maybe it's because of the recent midstones i am achieving in my life.  Fortunatly I did have a step-father in my life that did play a very important role in my life as my father.  But it still doesn't take away the pain that i still feel ...ahhhh ...esp. since my mother recently left my step-father...I just have so much different emotions that i have kept in so long and it's so hard to deal with it anymore... i guess it comes down the the simple point...i miss my Dad i miss him a lot i barely knew him due to my age...but i miss him a lot i want him back and there not one thing i can do about it...it's very frustrating....