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Messages - Karen Martinez

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Suicide Loss / Re: Passing of Niece Year Ago Yesterday
« on: April 17, 2011, 07:15:41 PM »
Dear Dr. Tom,

No I am not currently in therapy and definitely need to start that up again.  The doctor I was visiting put more effective med cocktails together than my internist (well that would stand to reason I'm sure).  My former psychiatrist was 'meds only' so I never had more than ten minutes or so with him.  He did recommend a psychologist for more 'talk' time but I just never got around to it.  I'm certainly no Mother Theresa but seem to have fallen into the category of family rescuer.  I did the same for my parents.  I've never taken on the 'long suffering victim' attitude but you are right in that a person can forget to take care of themselves.  Over the past year I've developed a bit of asthma -- nothing debilitating really just annoying and draining.

Again blessings upon you.

Most Fondly -- Karen

Suicide Loss / Lack of Get Up and Go Skills
« on: April 13, 2011, 08:03:13 PM »
My Dear Dr. Golden,

Could I get your reflection please.  Last year was a real piece of work emotionally.  As my brother John's immediate family had no interest (and still has no interest) in supporting him emotionally and otherwise, I gladly took on the role as his older sister.  I'm not complaining really I'm not.  But it was very draining.  Although I take antidepressant and anxiety medication, I've hit a wall.   I seem to have fallen into a rut where I stay in bed all day and sleep.  I do have a part time job which I love.  Could this staying in bed all day on nonworking days be total burnout from this past year?  I've shut down in a lot of areas.  I'm wondering if I need a change of meds and a psychiatrist.   Any thoughts or recommendations?

Again bless you for all you do.


Suicide Loss / Re: loss of father
« on: April 09, 2011, 08:33:41 PM »
Dear Renee,

I'm so sorry to learn of your Dad's passing.  The last voice you would have expected to hear was that of your father (at least in this earthly realm).  I've had a couple experiences over the 17 years since losing my Mom and Dad that I choose to consider as them 'breaking' through.  Several months ago I was watching an old video (of about 10 years back) made during a Holiday dinner.  I was filming everyone carrying on and laughing in the kitchen but couldn't see my daughter in the group.  I backed into the dining room where she was and it was apparent she was conversing with someone but there was no one else there.  As I listened closely she said something about 'can we go there grandpa?'  The response was 'we'll see honey.'  No question that it was my Father's voice but he'd been gone for some time.  I replayed this part about ten times.

My Dad's handwriting was a unique combination of printing and cursive.  At times when I'm taking notes at work I'll look down at my writing and it's not mine but Dad's.  I don't mean to get into a big paranormal thing here.  I know those triggers like hearing your Dad's recorded voice pulled the rug right out from under you emotionally.  Blessngs and love to you Renee.

A new friend -- Karen

Parent Loss / Re: missing dad so badly
« on: April 08, 2011, 06:04:26 PM »
Dear Chris,

I'm so sorry to read of your Dad's passing.  I lost my parents 17 years ago.  The pain you are in cannot be measured by anyone else's standard.  Although we have both lost our beloved parents, I would never claim to know how you feel, but I can relate to that bottomless black pit.  The journey through grief can be one big emotional and physical rollercoaster -- up and down, up and down.  You think you are okay for a day maybe and then a huge trigger will pull you back in.

 I felt very greatful to stumble upon Dr. Golden's site all those years ago.  I visited with a grief counselor in person as well.  She helped me validate all the wacked out hoops I was jumping through -- and also the knowledge that members in the same family can grieve differently from each other.  One day at a time -- one step at a time.  My heart does ache for you -- oh it's so hard -- so hard. 

Blessings and Love -- Karen

Suicide Loss / Re: Passing of Niece Year Ago Yesterday
« on: April 07, 2011, 04:56:57 PM »
Dear Tom,

I so appreciate your kindess.  Once again you have helped me through another family death like you did when I lost my parents 17 years ago.

The woulda, coulda, shouldas always creep in.  Yes the finger pointing sets in when a death is not natural.  His wife, remaining daughters and sons in law have gone over the top to make sure John 'knows' Jenny's passing was his fault.  Along with grieving he is still recovering from his spinal surgery.  He is unable to work as yet and my fingers are crossed that his application for Social Security disability will come through.  Many have asked why John just doesn't leave and get a divorce.  John is terrified of being alone as he has never been alone.  The emotional abuse from his family is outrageous.  I've been helping him this past year with paperwork stuff and have tried to arrange for state assistance.  Even after a long session with Utah's Adult Protective Service director, John is not considered a vulnerable adult.  Blows my mind.  Any positive self esteem is gone.

I've committed him twice to the U of Utah Hospital psych unit after he said he was going to do himself in.  So what do you do -- just worry I guess.  He did accomplish detoxing from Methadone at least.

Most Fondly -- Karen

Suicide Loss / Passing of Niece Year Ago Yesterday
« on: April 06, 2011, 06:50:22 PM »
My Dear Dr. Golden -- You are a gem -- thanks for getting back to me.  My brother's second oldest daughter Jennifer passed last April 5, 2010.  She was 28 and left behind two very young sons and her husband.  Okay this is the 411 shall we say.  Her major stressors were centered around her two boys who both had been born with holes in their hearts.  In time -- miracle I'd say --  they healed.  She, her husband and kids were living with my brother (her Dad) and mom.  She was run pretty ragged chasing them around and did not receive much help from their dad.  His standard routine after work was to jump on his computer and basically did not help her with the boys.

As can happen she self-medicated herself with unprescribed Xanax from her husband's mother in law.  While her dad went in for emergency spinal surgery she broke into his locked methadone box with a hammer and took two viles and collapsed.  The emergency room doctor said she had a large amount of methadone and Xanax in her system.  She swallowed one not knowing its power.  As her dad had just arrived home he was not yet aware that his box had been opened.  Jenny was on life support for a week or so and spent another week in the hospital's psych unit.  She arrived home and apparently swallowed the other one.  She aspirated in her sleep and died.  Paramedics worked on her for about an hour but it was too late.  The medical examiner concluded her death a suicide because of the amount of meth.    His wife and son in law blamed my brother for her death and asked him if he was happy about that.  They also blame me as I was the one who got him to seek out a drug treatment program for drug abuse that began years before. 

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