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Messages - tootie223

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1
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Two Years
« on: July 12, 2011, 02:19:38 PM »
Sean,
   I have read your post over and over. It hits home so closely. It has been two years for me also. I understand what you mean by just surviving. Although Steve and I were married for a much longer time, 35 years. I still feel the same as you. The day dreams are so vivid that I feel he has been here to visit. To check on things and make sure I am doing okay. Sounds weird but that is how I seem to somehow get through it. Memories are so strong and they are the things we will always have. No one can EVER take them away.
    I am so sorry that you and Lisa will not be able to see Joseph grow to a young man together. We have a son who is 28 now, so Steve and I had the chance to realize all the ups and downs as parents together. To see the milestones in his life together was so gratifying.
   I too find some comfort here corresponding to others that know what we are going through. I wish I didnít have to read these posts. That life made a different turn and I would be planning our vacation together. But that just canít be and I am left with the dilemma of what to do with the rest of my life. So many things we had planned on doing and going to see. But there are not something I can even imagine doing alone. So what do you do? Sit at home waiting for life to happen? All I know is that I need to find a purpose in this world again.
   I hope you have a good support team for your son. Keep his motherís memory alive for him. Always let him know how much she loved him. I somehow believe that is so important. To feel that connection.
   Post once in awhile and let us know how you are doing and maybe post to someone else that maybe you can help. I feel talking and helping someone else gives me some fulfillment.

Love and prayers,

Tootie 223

2
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: July Angel Dates & Birthdays
« on: July 01, 2011, 05:01:12 PM »
Thank you so much Terry
He is in my mind all day. And I still miss him so much it hurts. I can't believe I haven't seen Steve in two years. I can't remember my life without him in it.  I appreciate your thoughts.
Tootie223

3
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: so very hard
« on: June 24, 2011, 04:04:12 PM »
Kevin,
   I have read your posts and I know exactly where you are coming from. Next Friday it will be two years since my husband died in an accident. It can take quit awhile for you to figure out what the heck is going on. How to survive each day. Having someone to talk to who has lost a spouse really helps. I really believe the person has to have lost like you to really understand. I know there are a lot of friends who say they understand and what to help. But until they go through this themselves they donít really know the pain. I have a friend who lost her husband and it helps. I donít say I donít still have my felt downs but they are not as frequent as they were in the beginning. Someone said to write in a journal. I do that. I have a continuous letter to my husband and still to this day write in it.
   I find the pain is always there, it just gets bearable. I miss him every day and think about him all the time. After 35 years it is hard to figure out what to do with the rest of your life.
   Keep coming back to this site and read otherís posts. You are not alone and know we are here to talk to whenever you need it.

Tootie223


4
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Still feel lost
« on: May 23, 2011, 02:42:33 PM »
Thank you for your well wishes. They are greatly appreciated but not necessary. Like I said just wanted to say what was in my heart at the time.
Thanks,
Tootie223

5
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: No one to follow
« on: May 23, 2011, 02:33:57 PM »
Dear Carolyn,
   I know exactly how you feel. Losing someone in an accident is so hard to adjust too. You never have the time to say ďGood-ByeĒ. Itís like your life changes in an instant and you have no control over it. I lost my husband that way almost a year and half ago. I still feel like he should still be here with me. Your life sounds like mine. I also live in an isolated area. My son lives about 3 hours away. I know what you say about not wanting to be a burden on him. I found writing a continuous letter to my husband helps somewhat. I just talk to him in it. I feel somewhere he can hear me. You will find that the small things to figure out are the ones that get you in a tail spin. Sometimes it can be the ďDumbestĒ things. You need to give yourself some time. I know that is something you hear a lot, but itís true. It doesnít mean you wonít hurt anymore, itís just that the constant depression will let up some.  I am still working. That helps me get out of the house and around people. And you are right, the quietness in the house can be deafening. Like you I read a lot from this site.  Know that you can post here anytime you what. I hope you find the strength here to help you through this terrible time.
   Prayers and hugs to you

Tootie223

6
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Still feel lost
« on: May 11, 2011, 01:35:30 PM »
    I just want to say "Happy Anniversary" to my husband. It would have been 37 years today. I still miss him so much and long to see his face again. I don't expect any responses to this post, just felt comfortable here to say what my heart feels.

Thanks,
Tootie

7
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: cannot do this alone
« on: April 11, 2011, 09:24:52 PM »
Dear Michelle 1,
   Give yourself time. It hasnít been much time since your loss. It took me over a year to even post on this web page. I found reading other peopleís postings helped in someway to let me know that what I was feeling was completely normal. It takes time. How much I donít know. I still feel alone and so sad every day. I miss my husband so much. He was my world and my best friend. To not have him to talk to is unbearable. I keep wondering why the world keeps going on. Expressing yourself is I know hard. You sound like me, talking to people is hard. But I found talking on here is a lot easier. I think it is because you can do it from your own home and when you feel up to it. I read some books about grieving and they say there are steps in it.  Shock and numbness. Then you get mad and sad and so many other emotions. There come in different order and seem to come back again. Like you said it is a roller coaster ride. I never thought I could be so depressed and still carry on my life, such as it is. All I can say is keep reading and posting here.
Lot of hugs and good thoughts to you,

tootie223

8
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Still feel lost
« on: April 05, 2011, 10:55:32 PM »
Hi Elaine,
   I am so glad that your daughterís wedding went well. I too hope that they have a great life together. Finding a partner and friend to go through this life with is a fantastic thing to happen.
   I think you need to give the counseling a longer try. Heck itís only been a month and a half for you. Itís been over a year and half for me, and I still have some really bad days. My doctor gave me Wellbutin, but seriously I donít know what they are suppose to do. He said it takes the edge off. Whatever.
   My thoughts and hugs are with you. Keep me posted on how you are doing. I find communicating with people who have gone through the same thing really helps. As wonderful as friends and family can be, itís just not the same and as hard as they try I donít think they really understand.

Good thoughts,
Tootie

9
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Still feel lost
« on: March 18, 2011, 06:19:09 PM »
     John, you say you can socialize okay? I can somewhat. But as nice as my friends are, I feel like a third wheel. Itís nothing they do, itís just me. All of our friends are married and maybe itís just the feeling of not belonging to anyone. I go to work and carry on the day communicating with people but that is usually one on one basis. But when there is old friends together there is just someone missing, my best friend. I hope I can get over this sometime. But like you sometimes is just easier to stay inside.

   Tootie

10
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Still feel lost
« on: March 10, 2011, 08:22:57 PM »
Hi all,
   Elaine I hope the wedding with great. Having company for the weekend should have really helped. I think itís the quiet that is really hard to handle.
   Shelving your grief? Never heard of such a thing. Do you have to make a schedule to deal with it? Maybe I should not be making comments, I have not been to a counselor. I think I would have a hard time talking to someone face to face. Especially someone I donít know.  But I hope you get out of it something that can help you.
   I am looking forward to another weekend of not much. I try to think of things to do, but were I live there isnít much to do. Kind of isolated.

   Well keep in touch and Hello brown eyed girl. Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts,
Tootie

11
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Still feel lost
« on: February 28, 2011, 10:41:49 PM »
To Sarah, Terry and Elaine,
   I want to thank all of you for your responses. I find comfort knowing I am not crazy and so alone. It helps corresponding to others that have been through it.
   Sarah, to loose a child must be the most unbearable thing to handle. I wish I had your strength.
   Elaine, I can't believe you can post so early into your grief time. It took me a year to get the guts to do it.  You should not feel guilty about anything. It sounds like you were devoted to your husband and did what you could for him. I am sure he understood what you were doing and the pressure of it all. I hope the grief therapy helps you. I think getting mixed up and having panic times is part of it all. I still do it. I think we depend on our hubbys so much for ideas and solutions that it feels overwhelming to have to do it by ourselves.
   Keep up the posting and let us know how you are doing

Truly,
Tootie223

12
Spouse, Partner Loss / Still feel lost
« on: February 26, 2011, 07:00:02 PM »
Hello

    This is my first time to post here. I have read many others over the past year. It does help somewhat to know others are feeling lost too.

   I lost my husband of 35 years one and half years ago. It was an accident. I went to work one morning and he was here. I got home just in time for the paramedics to pronounce him dead. I never got to say good-bye. I still think about him all the time and am so depressed. Does it ever let up? I see him everywhere. I go to work and come home. That is my day. I live in an isolated area. Far from a town and my only child lives about 3 hours away. He tries to help, but it not the same. I know losing your father is a hard thing to over come, but I lost my best friend. I miss his face so much and the sound of his voice. I started writing a continuous letter to him. I donít know if that is a good thing to do, but I feel like maybe he knows I write it. And it makes me feel like I am talking to him. It that crazy? I feel like my whole world is gone and I donít see it changing.

   I just want to know when does it stop hurting so much. Will there be a day I can get through without crying?

   Thank you for letting me post here and giving me a place to vent.

Tootie223

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