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Messages - Katie--Adam's Mom

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1
Child Loss / Re: Mr. Top Hat & Katie
« on: July 04, 2011, 12:39:57 PM »
Dearest Carol,

I'm sure I know who was driving that bus...no doubt entertaining the kids with her Sylvia.  Likely Vikki was also helping Adam and Philip do a little sightseeing, tee hee.  It is no coincidence that cheerleading camp spoke to Jeanne too!

Vikki says hey to me, too.  It's the muppets and the Swedish chef thing usually, usually through my daughter.  Always brings a smile.

Hope you are doing okay.  The time has gone by fast but also it has been too long without our sweet kids.  Rather confusing thing, time.

Love and hugs,
Katie


Jeanne,

I guess there were lots of hello, Mom signs going around.  You know our boys can't be far away when there are cheerleaders!

It's hard to believe we are still standing all these years later.  Even harder to believe that our boys could be gone so long.

I will be thinking of you and Philip during these hard days.  I hope the days pass quickly and are as gentle as possible with you.

Thank you!

Love and hugs,
Katie

Dear Lizzy,

Oh my gosh it's so good to see you!  I think of you and Jeanie so often and always remember what an amazing girl she is.  Hope you are doing okay.  I've missed you!

Thank you!
Much love,
Katie


Terry,

Thank you for thinking of Adam.

Hugs,
Katie

2
Child Loss / Re: DON Thinking Of You
« on: June 20, 2011, 10:53:24 AM »
Dear Paula,

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.  Each of us may take different feelings away from tragedies and life situations.  We are each entitled to our feelings and no one knows the back stories which may influence our feelings and beliefs.

As I am ducking thunderstorms, again!, I hurried to post my last reply and neglected to add a few things.  I and my family have endured not only the disrespect and insults slung at us, but also the praise heaped upon the killer by his family.  They call him *Christ-like* in their efforts to free him from the bondage of prison (he's already out after working the system to get time cuts for a college degree the prison gave him--imagine he got bonus points for killing a college student.  it's a messed up system).  Not every parent of a murdered child has this same experience, but so many, too many, of us do.  It adds so many layers of grief to the anguish we all understand too well.  Even the suggestion that violent criminals should not be judged, etc... is painful to hear.  I do feel it my right and responsibility to judge, and hold my son's killer accountable.  He took an innocent young man's life and has no remorse, only contempt for my son and my family because we insisted on justice (the small measure it was).


I wish you moments of peace along the way.  The missing is so hard.

Love,
Katie

3
Child Loss / Re: Vikki's angel Date ((((( Carol )))))
« on: June 20, 2011, 10:13:00 AM »
Dear Carol,

I am so sorry I am late.  You know how special you and Vikki are to me.  I hope Vikki sent you a big, big sign that she is still with you and that you saw the tip of the top hat from Adam.

Much love,
Katie

4
Child Loss / Re: So Sorry For Offending Some
« on: June 20, 2011, 10:10:41 AM »
Jeanne,

Always in my thoughts and heart...you and your wonderful Philip!

I also understand what you are saying.  I think many do.

Much love,
Katie

Don,

My husband and I are also here for you.  If you need our email or phone number, please let me know.

Much love,
Katie

5
Child Loss / Re: Please pray for Rita
« on: June 20, 2011, 10:07:31 AM »
Dear Rita,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Love and gentle hugs,
Katie

6
Child Loss / Re: DON Thinking Of You
« on: June 20, 2011, 10:06:10 AM »
Dottie,

It's nice to see you.  You and Tammy are always in my heart.  I understood exactly what you are saying here and I agree.

Much love,
Katie

Paula,

You will not find me feeling sorry for the parents of my son's murderer, or for the murderer.  They have engaged in unthinkable cruelty toward my child and my family.  We have repeatedly been told by them through the press, the courts and in personal letters to my home that this is all God's plan to get the killer back on track.  They have decided that my son was not worth living but that the murderer still has "a purpose", thus God killed my child (must be nice to think one deserve's their own God-given personal sacrificial lamb!).  After all they have put us through and the constant insulting remarks about our son, the working the system to get out of jail free, etc..., and so much more, I know the scum killer is not worthy of life, at least not out in society where he continues to break the law.

Perhaps you were not aware that we have parents on this board whose children died as a result of rape and it's horrific effects.  I don't think that it is appropriate to use a relative who committed rape to illustrate your point.  I have been raped and while I suppose the rapist's family cares for him, I do not and certainly don't feel the need to feel anything towards him other than hate.  I can't imagine how it feels for a parent whose child died as a result of a rape.


My feelings towards the rat bastards who have cause such harm and death to my son, my family, me personally and those I love, are my feelings.  I have been on *that* side of the court, the painful side where the victims sit.  Expecting those of us who have this experience to be sensitive to others while not exhibiting the same sensitivity  to us makes little sense to  me.

    I hope this is taken in the spirit intended...to perhaps better explain the feelings that come when your child is the victim of a violent crime.

Much love,
Katie

7
Child Loss / Re: How is it possible?????
« on: June 20, 2011, 09:51:55 AM »
Dearest Don,

I haven't posted here in a very long time, yet feel the need to respond to you and the situation on the board.

I totally understood what you were saying to Rebecca and clearly saw the word *some* in your question.  The *some* includes the likes of my son's murderer, my rapist, the rapist who tried to abduct me when I was in 5th grade (I got away but a classmate did not when he raped her just days after), and all of the scum who torture, abuse and murder children.

While I don't ask why, my son's murderer and his family have repeatedly explained *why* to my family, through the press, the courts and in letters to my home (complete with smiley faces!).  The cruetly we have suffered at the constant insulting and disrespecting my boy, and my family, has added more grief than I can say.  Not for a moment do I think the POS is worthy of life and any sympathy I had for his parents vanished when they launched their attacks on my son and my family.

Please know that you and Donny are always in my, and my husband's, thoughts.  He often asks how you are doing and wishes you well.  He too worked in law enforcement and asks why.


Much love,
Katie

8
Child Loss / Re: Leaving the Board
« on: August 10, 2010, 05:59:40 AM »
Tom,

I feel there is some confusion here.  Previous to our having "Greeters", people did delete their original posts in a thread which removed the entire thread.  Also, that ability seems to still be enabled, along with deleting individual posts.  In other words, it had nothing to do with Judy having Greeter permissions or a position of power.  Her actions were not an *abuse of power*.

Sincerely,
Katie

9
Child Loss / Re: Thinking of Katie and Adam
« on: August 09, 2010, 03:24:16 PM »
Thank you all so much and many apologies for the lateness of my reply.  You will always be in my heart as are your kids.  I will try to send ya'll emails, think I still have your email addresses.  Whether or not I, or any of us, are here on the board, we are together in my thoughts.

Much love,
Katie

10
Child Loss / Re: Leaving the Board
« on: August 09, 2010, 03:21:09 PM »
Terry,

Perhaps breathing first and knowing the facts before posting would be more productive, as you say.  If I recall correctly, when a thread author deletes their personal original post, the entire thread is deleted....regardless of the intention.  I am positive that it was not Judy's intent to delete anyone's posts other than her own.  Other threads that she posted in (and was not the thread starter) appear to still be here.

Katie

11
Child Loss / Re: All of you
« on: February 21, 2010, 07:23:56 PM »
(((Brenda))))

You and Taylor will always hold a special place in my heart.  Love you too!

Love & hugs,
Katie

12
Child Loss / Re: Feeling Totally Useless and a Burden
« on: February 21, 2010, 07:20:02 PM »
Dear Don,

I'm so sorry to hear of all the health issues you are suffering.  I think it is fairly *normal* for us bereaved parents, sadly.  At least for my husband and I it is the way it is now.  Hubby had emergency heart surgery (only 2 days into his new job so he lost that) 3 years ago.  His surgeon and all of his doctors blame the stress of losing Adam for accelerating what had been a minor condition into critical heart failure.  We both have depression, I have had one health scare after another and just had my blood pressure (that was always extremely low) go thru the roof 2 minutes into a stress test.  Not to mention all the auto-immune junk that is stress induced.  We take meds, meds and more meds, monitor this, monitor that... way too much for people our ages.

Please try not to feel like a burden, or guilty because you are experiencing what happens to so many of us.  Do what you can and just work with your doctors to find what helps.  We all have enough pain, guilt and stuff without beating ourselves up over the toll that grief takes on our health.


Take gentle care and know that I am thinking of you, Donny and your family.

Love & hugs,
Katie

13
Child Loss / Re: Inexplicable Child Loss
« on: February 21, 2010, 07:08:01 PM »
Hi Annette,

I am so sorry to hear of more losses, just so sad.

For me, I think it is different.  My daughter was born with a multitude of serious health issues and nearly died at 16.  I always knew my children could die, from seeing so many deaths of other children at the hospital, family & friends who lost children, and my husband and I each having lost a brother.  And I always knew that God doesn't pick and choose as each child was loved and prayed for.  It was a cruel irony that as Adam was being killed I was praying for his happiness.  That has really stuck with me.  It also haunts me that Adam was keenly aware of the enormous grief that would happen if anything happened to him or his sister.  I hope that his last thoughts were not of that. 

On the issue of God, Adam was murdered and I know that God (or at least MY God) plays no part in murder (though his murderer says HE was spared by God because he still has a purpose).  I also know that God did not select my daughter to have health issues, or my grandson (who has unrelated profound disability).  But I sure have been told that "God did it" in relation to all of it.  I think that people so want to explain tragedy that it is just one more of the (painful to me) things they say.


So, I think that when a child dies it is either an accident, a crime or an illness.  None of it part of a bigger picture or with reason, other than accident, crime or illness.  Personally I could not live in a world where *everything happens for a reason* or as part of some grand plan.  I am much more firm, and at peace, with my beliefs on this issue now that during the beginning of my grief.  Fewer children die now than before modern medicine, tighter safety standards and awareness, etc...  It is though perhaps more shocking now when a child dies because our current society has not experienced a high death rate for children as was the case 50 or 100 years ago.

It is all just so overwhelming and painful, too much to think about and no answers when we really want to know why.  I think each of us find our own why that makes some kind of sense to us.

Take good care of you.  Thinking of you and Michael.

Love & hugs,
Katie

14
Child Loss / Re: My Aunt....
« on: January 17, 2010, 06:24:21 PM »
((((Dena)))),

I am so sorry to hear about your Aunt and will continue to keep your family in my thoughts.  No doubt Josh was right there to meet her and they are catching up with each other.

Love & hugs,
Katie

15
Child Loss / Re: What do you do when someone keeps stepping on your foot?
« on: January 17, 2010, 06:21:02 PM »
Hi Sarah,

I read the whole post  :), and am sorry you are being hurt.  The woman obviously doesn't have a clue.  Not only is she hurting you but she doesn't even respect her daughter and family enough to fix the situation.  I doubt that she will be receptive to your pleas if she isn't even concerned that private and intimate family photos are being sent to strangers.  Perhaps an email to her daughter?  Not sure if the email has the list of all recipients or if you can get them from the full headers.

It's such a shock to check your email and find something that is so painful.  Email forwards tend to do that for me, thus I don't open many.  I hope the situation is soon remedied and you will be spared anymore undue and unsolicited pain.

Love & hugs,
Katie

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