Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Messages - Carol A

Pages: [1] 2 3 4
Child Loss / Re: 10 years
« on: June 16, 2012, 02:13:45 PM »
I understand the small town thing & your loss. You can do it. Thoughts are with you.

Child Loss / Re: Vikki's Angel Date ((((( Carol )))))
« on: June 16, 2012, 02:09:55 PM »
Thank you very much. I have the grand kids today - watching *Shark Tale* with them. They are explaining the movie to me as if I can't even hear it. They're giggling and eating pizza. So yes, life goes on. I miss my baby girl. I always will. She is never not in my thoughts. I know she's here with us...smiling. 9 years ago today. I remember my first day here, like it was yesterday.

Child Loss / Re: Disturbing fact
« on: June 16, 2012, 02:05:31 PM »
Peggy. I don't really care what anyone says anywhere about me. I was just saying it happened to me too. My life is an open book too. When you lose a child - anything else anyone tries to do to me doesn't mean diddley in my life. What was "re-posted" from here to another board was to try and hurt me. Heck, I wasn't even on that board, someone else was - but apparently they thought it was me or either tried to get to her. Whatever, it made them look like the pathetic people they are. Amazing that there are people out there like that. But, I can understand if it happened to someone else...they might get hurt by it in some way. I told Tom about it because I wondered if anything could be done. However, In my opinion, this place is much needed for people who have lost children. It helped me in so many ways and I wouldn't want anyone who needs this place...not to have this place.   Peace

Child Loss / Re: Disturbing fact
« on: June 15, 2012, 10:24:06 AM »
Same thing happened to me and I post on this board about once or twice a year.

Child Loss / Re: Feeling Totally Useless and a Burden
« on: March 04, 2010, 05:41:08 PM »
I've gained over 30 lbs since Vikki died. My knees ache too...I think from
the extra weight but also because It's all I can do sometimes to get out of bed and be happy about the day.
I have my grandkids, my other daughter and lord knows I want to be there
for them, it's just living with this void, this hole in my heart isn't easy. are much more than your weight, your knee problems. You are a wonderful, loving man who lost his son. If you are like me , sometimes you feel guilty when you have a good day. I know I do. I feel guilty that I could have done more. I should have seen things that I missed. So...I punish myself. Pain of any sort is an indication of guilt [ in my opinion] Guilt always seeks punishment and punishment creates pain. Sometimes it's buried so deep inside we are not even aware of it . I know it's a useless emotion and never makes anyone feel better..and it doesn't change the situation.
I was told this by someone - I realized I felt guilty for lots of things, being
overweight, useless, bad knees, bad back...
They told me " your sentence is over , so let yourself out of prison...forgive myself.*
You know what Don, it's not easy but I have a feeling Vikki would want me to live life, to be as happy on earth as I can be.
I think Don would feel the same. Something tells me where they are, they are looking at us and saying * LIVE!!! - We'll see you one day - until that day, LIVE*
So - I try. I hope you know you are are NOT useless ..and you are not a burden.

Child Loss / Re: Feeling like a horrible person
« on: March 04, 2010, 05:31:23 PM »
You are not a horrible person at all. I know exactly how you feel.
I have a friend who starts almost every sentence with * I worry*
It's usually about things that are important to her but in my eyes, it's nothing.
 The pain of losing my child has made
me immune to all the things I use to think were so hard to deal with. It's hard to be around people who carry on about things that
I'd give anything to change places with them for!

Child Loss / Re: I think of you ....
« on: July 11, 2009, 04:54:10 PM »
So wonderful to read messages for all of you.
Why is it that when we come here we feel normal? The different normal.
I am thinking it's because we all understand that we are now living a different normal, one that other's don't understand it being here makes me feel loved and KNOW that my daughter is still loved and thought about by people who know, who understand.

Yes, I don't wish for death anymore - I do have another daughter and grand children , and by no means do I not love them as much as I always did just seemed , for awhile, everyone would be better off without me and I would be with my Vikki. I'm am not longer thinking that.
However, I no longer fear death. Do you know what I mean? I don't pray for it - I don't want it - I want to be here for a long time with my family.
I want to be happier of course but I still feel that with this hole left in my
heart, I will never be completely happy. I look forward to seeing my daughter again, I know she is there waiting for me and it gives me peace.
I miss her. I always will. I think people who haven't lost a child have no understanding of ALWAYS missing your child.  I talk about her all the time.
I STILL talk about her all of the time. A friend told me she loves how I talk about my daughter. She's a new friend and never knew Vikki. But she seems to * get it* - that I'm not sad when I talk about her. I'm not sad when someone else talks about her. I know some people are uncomfortable when people talk about the decease child so much - Not that I rattle on and on and on - but there is always something that reminds me of a funny story about her ..and I tell it. Why not..right? I am lucky that I have friends that don't looks "strained" when I talk about her. I have finally, FINALLY reached a point where when I do talk about her, I don't cry.
I smile.
Love to all of you. Good to read from familiar friends.

Child Loss / I think of you ....
« on: July 04, 2009, 07:36:47 PM »
Oh my daughter's angel date, I always think of her birth, the joy...the excitement. On her angel date, I remember that phone call, the intense, ungodly pain. How did I live this long after that day? Sometimes I think I must still be in the "crazy" stage. That's what a friend of mine called it, a friend who had lost a child almost 2o years ago. I don't know...I think I might always be in that " crazy " stage. I'm not the same, that's for sure.
Never will be. Sometimes I just do whatever it is I have to do..NOT to think. Don't think, just DON'T think...that's the only way I can survive. But, I can't help but think about her. Everyday, every single day of my life, I talk to her, I think of her, something or someone reminds me of, the only time I DON'T think , is when I watch some movie and lord help me if anything in that movie reminds me of her. So..have I come a long way? I guess so, I don't feel like dying , The pain isn't so intense that I pray for death. But I still want to know WHY? WHY?

Today, The 4th..I thought about Adam and Katie. I wondered if anyone on this board even remembers me. I haven't posted in years, just posted on her angel date. I moved, I don't see things everywhere I look now and see Vikki. That has helped, but she's least I WANT her to be here.
I thought to myself, I bet many of these people don't remember me, don't remember her but there are some here, the ones here when I first came, the first couple or years. I still see your children's faces when I close my eyes. The pictures I never forget, committed to my memory. I know their names, I know their faces, I still think of their laughs, ....or what I think they sounded like when they laughed.  So..even tho' you don't read me anymore, please know...I know your angels. I remember them. They , in my heart, all found each other long ago....their smiles ..I remember. YOUR pain, I remember, you words, I remember. I all know exactly how I feel..because I know exactly how you feel.
Love - sincere loving thoughts to you all.

Child Loss / Re: Remembering Adam
« on: July 04, 2009, 07:25:22 PM »
I see you and Adam already have a thread. I haven't been around in so long I almost don't know how to use the board.
You and Adam are always in my heart. I will email my new phone number.
(((((((( Katie)))))))))))
(((((((((( Mr. Top Hat ))))))))))

Child Loss / Adam and Katie
« on: July 04, 2009, 07:16:36 PM »
Hey sweet friend. It's been a long time since I have talked to you.
I year ago June 16th, to be exact.
I wanted you to know that I have moved, no longer at that addy or phone number..but, Adam has been in my thoughts for days now and especially today. YOU and Adam are on my mind all through the year. Know that he is always in my thoughts and so are you.

Adam! Adam! My high top hat Adam!!

Child Loss / Re: Bitter Sweet News
« on: September 06, 2008, 04:43:30 PM »
What a beautiful, loving thing to do.
I know it made you feel proud.
What a great friend. What an honor.

Child Loss / Re: My Nephew Just Died -- I'm Just Reeling
« on: September 06, 2008, 04:41:59 PM »
Oh Annette...I am so, soooo very sorry.

Child Loss / Re: new here
« on: August 29, 2008, 03:18:46 PM »
Bailey 123,

I am so sorry you had the need to find us.
We know the pain you are feeling and would give anything if you didn't have to be here. But, you are..and we are here for you.
This board has, many times , saved my sanity.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.
Please post and release all that anger, hurt and saddness from inside you anytime you feel like it. It's helped me so to be able to do that.
I wish our children were here with us. I will always wish that.

Child Loss / Re: Happy Birthday jason
« on: August 20, 2008, 08:29:03 PM »
Sorry I am late with my hugs to you and Jason.
One of the first pictures I saw when I came here and one of the ones
that's always in my heart.
Sometimes I look at these pictures and think this is all a dream and we will wake up. It just doesn't seem true.
(((((((((( Hugs))))))))))))

Child Loss / Re: Happy Heavenly Birthday, Josh!
« on: August 20, 2008, 08:26:15 PM »
There's some fine fishing going on in heaven.
I'll think of Josh from now own when I go fishing. Things like that
are always in my mind.
Top hats, fishing, orange pringles, parkers ( coats)
Ever hear from Dee, John's mom?

Love to you and your family

Pages: [1] 2 3 4