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Messages - Chrs

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Child Loss / Tonight just sucks
« on: January 13, 2007, 12:53:18 AM »
For some reason I am very depressed today and everything seems to be getting worse I just want my daughter but I cant have her so now I dont know what to do.

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Child Loss / Re: MY SIS IS HORRIBLE!
« on: December 29, 2006, 07:13:45 AM »
Rebecca : Well Jamie is doing very well for herself after we broke up she joined the army and is now in Iraq. Jamie and I broke up very soon after Sara's death mainly because I couldn't look at her, everything about her seemed to disgust me. She never showed any remorse and actually blames me for Sara's death. A stupid argument over money sparked this lifetime of heartake.

CRCmom: No offense is taken at all. Your kind words do help.

Dottie (Tammie's Mom): I have been sober since I came back from rehab when Jaime was 5ths along. I up rooted my life from Southern California and moved to Virginia (With this crazy fam) LOL It got me away from all that was ruining my life and have more stable friends here.

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Child Loss / Re: SOS - IMMEDIATE NEED
« on: December 28, 2006, 11:19:37 PM »
This pain is so overwellming and having fools (my fam) for support does not help anything. My mom thinks I should just get over losing Sara and my sis thinks Sara and I are going to hell! I just dont know what to do with my days anymore kinda lost! Im in winter break from college and dont have the stress of that. But seem to lose track of my days wallowing in my pain not knowing what to do with myself.

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Child Loss / Re: MY SIS IS HORRIBLE!
« on: December 28, 2006, 10:28:59 PM »
When I heard we (Jamie and I) were having a child I was 18. I was scared but the first thing I did was stop Cocaine and other drugs. When Jamie/Sara were 5mths along I told myself that I would never touch that shit again and I did it for my little girl Sara. I wanted her to live a good life full of everything that I could give her. I started some college courses thinking that was a good start and then she died. I'm back in college now (Comp. Sci) but its hard to work for someone that you dont even have anymore. She has changed my life and I will be forever grateful I wish I could just of SAVED HER! From this fate.


I LOVE YOU SARA

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Child Loss / I MISS MY SARA!
« on: December 28, 2006, 08:42:20 PM »
I just want my daughter in my arms at night. I just want to hear her breath. I just want my little Sara tonight! I never had the most basic things like changing dirty diapers LOL and waking up in the middle of the night tired but still full of energy to make my little girl happy again. I changed my life for you Sara and I wish you were here to see it. I just want you in my arms on this difficult night.  :'(

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Child Loss / MY SIS IS HORRIBLE!
« on: December 28, 2006, 08:06:31 PM »
Tonight my sis told me that Sara (my daughter) commited a sin for being alive cuz I was not married! I'm an Athiest and that really goes deep into my heart. My own sis is saying my daughter in her very short life sinned! ??? I really dont understand the reasoning to that!

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Child Loss / Re: Guilt
« on: December 28, 2006, 06:07:38 PM »
I feel guilty every day. The whys and what if's come every moment that I am not distracted by daily life. I ask why did MY daughter have to be taken from me and what if I did something better (would she still be here?) I don't know. I have lost weight also I'm 5'9 at 120 was at 145 cuz its hard to eat and I feel guilty if I do. Today I was having a good time with the family and stooped in the middle and started crying. I don't know why it hurts feeling joy it just does.

I'm kinda at a weird stage I think that its bad to  be happy because I could not save my little Sara. Why should I? Is there a reason to be? I have nothing else, no other children to keep me distracted. I cant answer that all I know is that I do continue on my daily schedule.

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Child Loss / Re: 3rd Christmas cant leave the house!
« on: December 27, 2006, 04:45:28 PM »
Thank you everyone for the kind words. Jamie, Sara's mother went home on aug 29 04 and took a buffet of drugs, Im not sure what. We used to be on Cocaine and the day I heard we were going to have a baby I  entered rehab. I havent touched anything exept social drinking since. If it wasnt for Sara I prob be on drugs or be dead myself.  :'(  I'm 21 and its hard to imagine feeling such pain for the rest of my life I only hope it become less severe.

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