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Messages - DaveB

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Thinking of Doyle today (((John)))
« on: August 05, 2014, 07:40:12 PM »
Hang on and keep riding, John!

Rinto, I remember losing my concentration after my wife died. I'm not sure I have it all back yet, at 3 1/2 years. Some things don't ever go back to where they were.

I thought I could go back to work after a couple of weeks. That only lasted about 2 days, I had to take an extended time off (one month?) because I could not focus on anything. When I finally did return to work it seemed to help some, maybe it provided a distraction I needed.

Sorry for your loss, please keep reading and writing here, writing also seemed to help me.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Dave & Judy's Anniversary
« on: June 17, 2014, 05:23:20 PM »
Thanks so much! This would have been our 30th. I was able to take a couple of days prior to relax and reflect. She is never far from my thoughts, always in my heart. I still don't know where I go from here. I'm still taking a day at a time for the most part.

On the actual day (yesterday) I developed a toothache, had to drive 350 miles home last night after work, so I could make it to my dentist first thing this morning. That tooth is gone now, and I have another hole in my head. Very painful today. Next week I head to Germany for three weeks for work. This summer I'll have some slack time, I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself.

At 3 1/2 years I feel like a veteran, especially when I read about others so early in their grief. But some things don't change, I'm still alone and I still miss her as much as I ever have.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Hey Lisa...
« on: May 31, 2014, 05:30:53 PM »

So glad for the good news, and that it's behind you now!


Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: LOST
« on: April 30, 2014, 03:17:41 PM »
Hang in there Frank, this is a really bad time for you. I remember my own feelings at this point, thinking I was going crazy. Things will eventually begin to even out.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: LOST
« on: April 29, 2014, 11:32:48 PM »
FrankM, I'm in a similar situation, I'm 57, widowed at 54 after almost 27 years of marriage. I know it feels like it's all over, but your life still goes on. Being alone was awful at first, but I've kind of gotten used to it now. I don't like the idea of being alone the rest of my life, but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Things that helped me early on were walking/hiking every day after work, get outdoors and take in some scenery if you can. Also, I wrote in a journal every day, everything that came to my mind. That helped me a lot. Having a friend or family member who you can vent to will help. Writing/reading here helped me a lot too.

Take care of yourself, try to get enough rest, don't forget to eat.


Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: How is everyone doing?
« on: April 25, 2014, 12:28:51 PM »
jbryant, that's good that you're out there helping others, doing something positive.

Myself...not so much! I feel like I'm frozen in time, still working the same job, living in the same place, nothing has changed. Don't feel motivated to try to change things. I can't believe this is my life from now on, but maybe it is. It's been almost 3 1/2 years.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Lou's Birthday ((((Lisa))))
« on: April 08, 2014, 11:10:00 AM »
Thinking of you Lisa, and Happy Birthday to Lou!

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Having a difficult time lately
« on: February 27, 2014, 02:34:44 PM »
mousewife, I get it, I could have written your same words. I'm just over three years out.

I tried to get myself out there again...I took a photography class, a class on how to use Facebook (didn't help; I still don't get most of it!). I even joined a meetup group of singles in my age group (50-64), which was kind of fun.

But then I get home to the empty house (or hotel room, since I travel for work a lot), I just think...why bother? Guess I've gotten pretty fatalistic, what's going to happen is going to happen, I don't have much influence.

I was reading on another forum about all the winter weather others are suffering through, and the hope for springtime. I'm wishing there were a springtime for my soul, it seems the grip of winter is permanent.

Sorry, not much encouragement...

Wishing you Peace

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Oh I miss My Lou
« on: December 14, 2013, 08:45:21 PM »
A big 'ol hug, Lisa. Hang in there. Been having a tough few days myself, sad thoughts, bad's exhausting. Looking forward to having this pass, I'm sure it will.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Missing Judy..
« on: December 13, 2013, 06:54:52 AM »
Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment and offer support! I appreciate it. This is the kind of conversation I don't get anywhere else. I've been really busy at work this week, which helps distract me, but I manage to come back here every morning and read comments. Next week starts the big "winter hibernation" at work that lasts through the new year, so I'm already trying to figure out what I can do for distraction. Hoping everyone here has a great holiday!

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: New Member. Getting Lonely
« on: December 09, 2013, 11:26:10 PM »
Hey Robbie, glad you found this place, but so sorry you have to be here. I'm really sorry for the loss of your wife Anne. This place was a lifeline for me in the early days when I thought I was losing my mind (I'm a little over 3 years out now). There's usually someone around here to listen if you need to talk, shout, ramble, whatever...I know I did my share of it.

Our stories sound similar, my wife was 52 also, we were going on 27 years of marriage, have one 28 year old son. I know what you mean about your support moving on. It's to be expected I guess, they haven't lost the very core of their lives. And the loneliness...I still struggle with that. I don't like going home to an empty house. But at three years, I'm learning to live around it I guess. There are days when I am almost content with where I am, other days when things come crashing down, though not as often. I just keep going through the days one at a time.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Missing Judy..
« on: December 03, 2013, 06:19:20 PM »
Today's the 3rd anniversary of Judy's passing. I miss her as much as I ever have.

My son and I went to the cemetery, met Judy's two sisters there, first time I've seen or spoken to them in around 3 months (she has three sisters, but one is no longer speaking to anyone, I don't really know what happened). I took a single red rose...she loved roses and I have bought bushels of them for her over the years. Her nickname to her sisters was "Rose".

All came back to my place for a very short visit, then everybody was off to do whatever it is normal people do. I could have used a few hours of conversation, but that's the way it is. I'm sort of getting used to it.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: THANKSGIVING
« on: December 02, 2013, 08:53:42 PM »
Wow, that's really neat, I'm happy for you Lisa! Maybe some more fun times for Christmas?

This gives me some hope for my future. I'm at the point where I wouldn't mind meeting somebody again, although I'm not actively looking. Not sure anybody could put up with my lifestyle (borderline vagrant?). So God would have to drop her right in my lap, like he did with Judy. One thing I think I've learned recently, is I can do it alone if I have to...just not too happy about that prospect.

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: THANKSGIVING
« on: December 01, 2013, 09:34:47 PM »
Lisa, that IS awesome! So glad you had a good time!

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