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Parent Loss / Coping After 2 Years (or lack thereof)
« on: July 31, 2019, 04:16:15 PM »
I'm not too sure how to start this, so I guess I'll open with an introduction.
My name is Parker, I'm nonbinary, born female. I'm 18 and I lived with my grandmother for most my life but now live with my father. I lost my birth mother two years ago. She was murdered, as some people took advantage of her mental illness to put it simply.
I didn't get to grieve properly. My grandmother nor my brother could read (on a comprehensive level) so all the planning fell into my lap. Next thing I knew for three days I was on autopilot. I couldn't feel otherwise I'd spend the whole day in my feelings. And I had a mission.
But when she was buried, I wasn't really allowed to grieve. Things still called for my attention. I kept putting it off until everyone was convinced I was okay. So when I did want to say something or emote, people thought I was weird and being overly emotional or attention seeking.
Now I'm in a weird place where I'm stuck. I can't feel things properly. I can't communicate, and I'm constantly dwelling. I should've been able to move on but the circumstances of our relationship (because of her mental illness she couldn't be a proper motherly figure in my life) and the general loneliness I feel... I still can't cope properly. I feel like I've got one leg. What's worse is I don't have anyone to talk to about my emotions and observations. I feel trapped.
I just want someone to talk to all of this about. Someone who won't just give me the same "I'm sorrys" and "I don't know what to says."
My name is Parker, I'm nonbinary, born female. I'm 18 and I lived with my grandmother for most my life but now live with my father. I lost my birth mother two years ago. She was murdered, as some people took advantage of her mental illness to put it simply.
I didn't get to grieve properly. My grandmother nor my brother could read (on a comprehensive level) so all the planning fell into my lap. Next thing I knew for three days I was on autopilot. I couldn't feel otherwise I'd spend the whole day in my feelings. And I had a mission.
But when she was buried, I wasn't really allowed to grieve. Things still called for my attention. I kept putting it off until everyone was convinced I was okay. So when I did want to say something or emote, people thought I was weird and being overly emotional or attention seeking.
Now I'm in a weird place where I'm stuck. I can't feel things properly. I can't communicate, and I'm constantly dwelling. I should've been able to move on but the circumstances of our relationship (because of her mental illness she couldn't be a proper motherly figure in my life) and the general loneliness I feel... I still can't cope properly. I feel like I've got one leg. What's worse is I don't have anyone to talk to about my emotions and observations. I feel trapped.
I just want someone to talk to all of this about. Someone who won't just give me the same "I'm sorrys" and "I don't know what to says."
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Parent Loss / Re: Introductions
« on: July 31, 2019, 01:30:09 PM »
Hi, my name is Parker. I use they/them.
Two years ago I lost my mother and I am still having trouble fully moving on. I made in an account in hopes to finally make amends.
I hope we can get along.
Two years ago I lost my mother and I am still having trouble fully moving on. I made in an account in hopes to finally make amends.
I hope we can get along.
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