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Messages - sissy

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Main / Re: "The Mourner's Bill of Rights" (Re-Post)
« on: February 12, 2012, 12:01:35 AM »
I Just got home from work (round two for the day) ..... we had floor care done.   Anyway, I saw your message and i can't begin to tell you how happy it made me feel.  You, and the other kind souls that  have helped me through the worst experience in my life will ALWAYS be a part of my heart.  I have really missed you.
hugs - sissy

Main / Re: My uncle
« on: February 11, 2012, 12:17:55 AM »
Gail....I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your uncle.  I, too, lost an uncle and two aunts last year....and my sweet mother a year ago, September 28th.....
My mom was one of twelve children...six boys and six girls!  All of the siblings expect for the oldest brother who died about 15 years ago, were alive and for the most part healthy.  It seems as if a spiral of some sort has blown through my loved ones in the past 16 months....I don't even know how to breathe sometimes.  It's so incredibly hard to lose the people that we haved loved and shared our lives with.... but, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Always - Sissy 

Main / Re: "The Mourner's Bill of Rights" (Re-Post)
« on: February 08, 2012, 11:02:15 PM »
Hi Terry.....I just wanted to say a quick hello to you and all my friends.....I really have been in a "quiet-mode" for the last month or so.....but i just wanted to touch base and send some hugs out in your direction. I've thought about you and your dad many times during the last month....and hope that other areas in your life are treating you with all the love and thoughtfulness that you deserve.....
I've missed you guys....
Gotta get some sleep....getting my store ready for inventory.
Always - Sissy

I really know what you mean when you mention not even being able to share your grief ..... and for me it has become with my family, too.....well, my brothers anyway. 
I think that i am only emotionally myself these days with my friends at webhealing......I don't how i became so incredibly lucky to have found all of you.....just grateful in a way i can't even explain.
anyway....i have to go back for "round two" at work.
always - sissy

Child Loss / Re: My Dad has died
« on: December 19, 2011, 11:47:28 PM »
Terry......I will say a special prayer for you and your dad.....You are such an amazing person, and i am so very sorry for your loss.  My dad was in the military and a deputy sheriff, too.....
Please don't worry about us, this is your time.
Many warm hugs and much love.....Sissy

I have many anxious days, if it's not least know that you are not alone.....
I'm still struggling day to day ..... and i still hate the fact that my mom isn't here with me....and i sometimes when at work, and i see or hear someone not being very kind to their moment i just want to give them a piece of my mind...and the next i want to beg them to cherish each other ....
i'm sorry for the way that your feeling, but i do understand.
always - sissy

Parent Loss / Re: Sissy?
« on: December 17, 2011, 10:58:09 PM »
Hi!  I have finally won the battle with my email.....(actually a few days ago.)   It's kind of scary to know that complete strangers can have the power of "letting you" access your personal information.....yikes!  Maybe that will teach me not to have a tantrum, change my password, and not write it down....haha  - I literally had to jump through hoops. 
Anyway.....thanks for the warm words and kindness that you folks always seem to give me. 
So ....  it looks like the dreaded holidays are upon us.....and because i work in retail, i've been surrounded by them since the early part of september....and some days i could just scream....but instead i put on my game face and fake my way through all types of cheer.
and i am so f'ing tired.
And i really have missed you guys.
Have to get some sleep....early day ahead.
Kisses - Sissy

Parent Loss / Re: Sissy?
« on: December 09, 2011, 09:23:17 PM »
Oh Terry.....I have been fighting with my email account and haven't been able to access it for a few weeks now. I have missed talking to you and all of my very much!!! 
I couldn't believe my luck when i went into my "favorites" and clicked on webhealing.....and there was a message for me....
Talk about perfect timing!  You always seem to know when to extend that hug.
Today has been one of the good days.....which i am always so grateful to know???  I just finished putting up the Christmas tree and decorating the encouragement of my son and husband.  I know that they are hoping that it will make me/us feel better....and I guess it worked for them....(all they did was take things down from the attic)  haha looks pretty and i will continue to try to find my place.....Enough about me....How are you, Terry??? I don't even know how the holidays are for you.....I'm sorry that i've never asked.  Please know that i have had all of you in my thoughts and prayers and most of all .... in my heart.
I can be reached on my gmail account for now...(its the same as my other email, exept for  thanks for thinking about me....
always - sissy 

Main / Re: How to be strong for a dear friend.....
« on: November 15, 2011, 02:22:04 AM »
Hi you guys....I've really missed talking to you.  I don't really know how to explain what's been going on in my life
lately.  A couple or maybe a few weeks ago it seemed like i was having more good days then bad.  But then, out of nowhere, (or so it seemed to me) i have just been feeling so empty and so freaking lonely and this may sound dramatic, but i almost feel like i'm no longer i'm missing a limb or something.....I am trying so hard.... maybe i've had some kind of a relapse....because i think that this last wave of pain almost seemed more unbearable then when i first kissed her goodbye.  I just don't understand how everything on the "outside" continues to go on rather normally .... it's almost an insult .....  heck, i don't know even know how to explain the emptiness that has joined me.  My son is at a breaking point right now, too.  I find myself not wanting anything to do with anyone, except for my husband and my son....and trust me i don't even have a lot for them, either....but it's all that i have left at the end of the day. 
The more lonely i feel, the less i want to be around anyone....guess that doesn't make a lot of sense....
Ok....that must have been a real downer to read.....
I am going to change topics.....First of all i want to thank you for asking not only about me, but for Robin, too....I must say that this must be the most horrible thing that any parent can go through....and even with the tremendous amount of sadness and pain that i have felt during this last year.....I cannot imagine the loss that she is having to face.  She is so very, very, very sad.....and one night she took every single pill that she could find in the house because she wanted to know what Brandon had felt when he left this world.  She is suffering so much and is feeling so guilty.....I don't know how she will ever become "unbroken."  I work 50-55 hours a week, minimum....and that doesn't leave me very much time to be with her...and i am so afraid for her....
There is just too much sadness surrounding me right now.  I feel like i an stuck in idle.  I think that i had better stop now.....need to get some sleep for work...
I'm sorry for all the sadness i just unloaded on you.....
always - sissy 

Parent Loss / Re: So glad to finally find this place.
« on: October 31, 2011, 04:23:39 PM »
Rozzie - I remember most of what happened after i lost my mama, but for me, it was the weeks before her death that spin me senseless.  My mom's illness hit us out of nowhere....and five weeks after she was diagnosed with cancer, she was gone.  So, i think that it could be some kind of defense mechanism.  We had a journal of what mom was eating, how she felt, pain level, what time she took her meds.....anyway, i couldn't believe the memories that came to me as i poured over the weeks prior to losing her.....i haven't read it since, but i know that i will again someday.  maybe when i'm better prepared for it....
Always in my prayers, rozzie.

Parent Loss / Re: So glad to finally find this place.
« on: October 26, 2011, 08:29:05 PM »
rozzie - i know that physical pain all too well....and so far, i haven't found anything that could even come remotely close to filling it.....but, then i stop and think about what it would take to fill an emptiness of that size....i come up empty.
so, i guess i've been trying to find happiness in the little things....and i do mean little....almost like baby steps have been all that i could handle some days.  sometimes it helps and sometimes i want to hide from the world to lick my wounds....
i don't think i'll ever be "better"  just  "different"........and i still struggle a lot....but, maybe not quite as much as i had been.....and time doesn't really make the pain go away ....but it has helped ease some of the sadness.
peace is a tall order.....but i wish it for all of us....
always - sissy

Parent Loss / Re: So glad to finally find this place.
« on: October 22, 2011, 05:57:30 PM »
i really understand when you mention the physical need you're feeling......i have many of those, too.....
her favorite perfume was "white shoulders".....she never strayed from that perfume....ever....
so, on occasion, i have found myself smelling one of her many bottles of  perfume...even spraying it on a pillow once.....
here's to peace in our lives......
always - sissy

Parent Loss / Re: My Dad
« on: October 22, 2011, 05:45:39 PM »
I just said a special prayer for you and your dad.....
warm thoughts always - sissy

Parent Loss / Re: So glad to finally find this place.
« on: October 19, 2011, 02:44:25 PM »
hi rozzie.....
i just read about you and your mommie....and i wish i were there to hug you.....your words have brought tears streaming down my face.....i lost my sweet mama to cancer a little more than a year ago, and september 28, 2010, was the beginning of what i thought (and still sometime think) was the end for me. I didn't think that pain like that existed.....but unfortunetly it does, and we do, too.......
and i know that there are no magic words, rozzie....but, please, please hang in there.....and let people that understand and care about you try to may not be the people whom you expected (or should be there) to help you through this incredibly painful time.....i also have two brothers that sound alot like your siblings and they have been more like strangers than brothers to me during this time. 
i have, however, found the kindest souls here at webhealing...and they have (and still do) helped me through the lowest and scariest time of my life.....
i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, rozzie.
love - sissy

Parent Loss / Re: Dee's Angel Date ((((( Sissy )))))
« on: October 19, 2011, 02:07:07 PM »
hi scottieanne......
thank you for the kind means so much to me.
as i read the words that you have shared i get so many mixed and i were so lucky to have had the kind of relationship with our mom's that we many don't.....and i realize that this incredible pain and intense sadness would probably not have happened if we hadn't shared such a wonderful life with them......
i remember my first thanksgiving without her.....i didn't celebrate at all.....and, as horrible and selfish as this will sound....i just couldn't seem to find any reason to be thankful......i know that i really do.....just couldn't find them at that time.
when christmas came around, i put on my "big girl pants" .... and excepted an invitation from my niece, (who is more like my daughter- since my mom and i raised her when my brother dropped the ball) ...
 anyway.....i knew that as much as i didn't want or need to celebrate the holidays, she needed me to be there.  i won't lie and say that it was wonderful, but i think it was the right thing (for me) to do. 
- this has been a hell of a year.....and having to face the fact that life will never feel the same,  has been quite challenging, to say the least.
i can, however, tell you that instead of having nothing but 'bad' days......there does seem to be a couple of days each week that are pretty close to being good.
i will keep you in my sissy

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