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Messages - jbryant

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: CHASING CARS
« on: December 29, 2014, 05:43:21 PM »
my second xmas alone and it was pure, well I think yall know the rest of that story lots of hugs to all :love9:

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Poem
« on: December 29, 2014, 05:32:59 PM »
love it thank you Lisa  :love9:

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Is there anybody else here?
« on: November 10, 2014, 05:46:21 PM »
just in the wings for a while its that time of the year  :love4:

Its so very true thank you so very much and good to see your post JB :love9:
posted it on my FB page

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: How is everyone doing?
« on: October 06, 2014, 05:13:33 PM »
its good to see your post Arthur as I to wonder about everyone here how were all holding up what keeps us going and to learn from each other and I think that's all good.Janka welcome sorry we had to meet this way but its all good. :love4:

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: How is everyone doing?
« on: October 04, 2014, 04:42:33 PM »
It's been a while since my last post (well not really) but I had my let femoral arty rooted and it's working great can walk again can sit for more than just a few mins at a time and it just feels great.still doing my tuck in calls at hospice and now it's going state wide to all patients as we were just the pilot it gives you a good feeling to know just by simple phones calls to the patients makes us all smile for just a moment but the joy is well just pure simple honest joy. I so excited that Seattle and the surrounding counties will start in 2 weeks and the rest of the state by the end of nov. So we hope. And I know it will happen I still see a couple patients in homes cause you need that human touch. I'm 26 months out and yes I still cry on a daily basis not a lot but it just happens and so I let them flow. I feel the need to meet new people but still ain't ready yet but slowly I will through my work and my work is just getting started as I was told by my manager. It's so hard to believe that something so simple is doing so much good. To honor the living while they are in the mist of dying is undiscribable and I'm so blessed to be able to do this.hello everyone let's keep in touch more often John :love4:

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Thinking of Doyle today (((John)))
« on: August 05, 2014, 04:10:43 PM »
Thank you Terry and I thank everyone who has read my posts thanks for listening its been one hell of a ride and still rolling on :love4:

Spouse, Partner Loss / 2nd year
« on: July 11, 2014, 04:59:45 PM »
well its coming on 2 yrs now and I've come and gone from the east coast back to the west 6 times in 2 yrs and I want to go in Aug for his day but not sure yet. I'm finding this to be even harder than the first year and I know it has to do with me living with family for that first year but my loving sister thought it would be best it helped but it was a mistake cause I've had to live it for myself alone for the first time and trust me its a whole lot of difference but things happened so fast that year its still a blur at times. all the books I've read has helped me so much to see things in a clearer manner and it keeps me longing for more and I just keep reading. I've learned how strong a man can be in times of sickness and a amputation and Doyle was that I'm sure everyone has that same person in their life and misses them just as much. I have also learned that being a caregiver for over 20 yrs ( parents one at a time and my grandmother and then Doyle) well to pick up and carry on after its all done and over with well Im still learning how to pick up the pieces and carry on but Ive been out of touch with reality to long I think the world changed right in front of me and I didn't notice I guess I was just to busy. to those who wonder if their is a God well let me tell you Im living proof their is its been 2 yrs and Im still hepc neg and I didn't take any drugs to off set it (interferon) cause no Dr. could tell me how I aquried it back in 1979 and I was a carrier and I would die from it and to top that off their is no more cirrhosis of my liver not even a trace so you tell me. Im blessed to be love by one man for 37 years and I thank you and I love and miss you more today than yesterday and Im sure it will go that way till we meet again and I will stay true to our love cause that's just the way it is.
Im still healing with my Hospice work and I will continue till I know differently. Thank you all for listening and helping me along my journey. to be continued  JB  :love9:  :love4:

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Rinto, thinking of you
« on: July 11, 2014, 04:30:12 PM »
(((((Rinto))))) Im working on yr 2 this aug and I have found on this journey to hell and back well im still on my way back but its your journey you are in control (even tho you don't think you are) this is all about you now I hope you find some peace somewhere along your journey its one hell of a roller coaster ride and you cant get off so just ride the waves and soon you will see some light. John :engel2:

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: lost and drowning
« on: June 24, 2014, 05:27:07 PM »
for me Ive found its best to run to what brings on the pain face it cry till its done its job and move on to the next one till it's all ran it's course and the journey I don't think will ever be over just a little easier one day at a time  :engel2: John

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: How is everyone doing?
« on: June 24, 2014, 05:22:40 PM »
Im an early riser and I find that a nice morning walk at 530am for a few blocks or (what my legs will let me ) more has been a big help for me its just so crisp and new and the birds chirping well it will just put a smile on for you John

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Doyle's Birthday (((John)))
« on: June 24, 2014, 05:17:33 PM »
Many thanks everyone, aint it strange how even 22 months out, the body and the brain just know when to shut down for a few days just to let you know your sorrow and your pain. But you know it is still so weird as we carry on it seems the rest of the world is still in a slow motion and we know its not but it just seems that way maybe were not supposed to catch up with the rest of the world at this time and I have said before time cant heal this wound but yall already know that.
My Hospice work is keeping me busy and I love it and I get to have some stents put in my arteries here in the near future the vascular surgeon told me this morning and being diabetic Im wondering about this but I cant walk like I use to and Im ready to regain that loss I miss my walking for several miles at a time on the side of Mt. Rainer and I haven't been able to do it for a few years now so get to have a MRI next week and find out after that . But its all good my friends  :love4:

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Doyle's Birthday (((John)))
« on: June 21, 2014, 04:28:48 PM »
Thank you Terry, I just sat back and reflected back still trying to find the new me but in no rush but today was gay pride day here In Olympia and 2 yrs ago today Doyle and I was at the venue just enjoying the sounds and all the beautiful people it was one of the best days he had had in a long time we danced (and him on one leg at that) Ela Wardi if you could read my mind,(tune that was playing) it was such a beautiful day just like today but standing around the same spot we danced in around the sun was a full circule rainbow what a wonderful sight I felt Doyle was saying I'm ok and I'm watching over you have fun, I just watched the sky and when I left it was still their and I could still see it when I got to my apt. what a gift he gave me I guess he saw I was having a bad day,but I'm ok now. I think we were all blessed to see such a vision today and everyone seen it so cool.  :love4: 

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Just Another Day
« on: May 31, 2014, 04:43:53 PM »
wondering how Frank is doing?

Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: lost and drowning
« on: May 31, 2014, 04:42:42 PM »
Hi and Welcome to WH I can only ditto what Lisa has said and add one must learn to forgive oneself and only then can you learn to forgive others and as long as its the truth, who really cares what others think we can not judge its not our place or time and we are not God. may you rest your weary soul and you are wiser for the pain you have suffered.

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