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Messages - SistersinCanada

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1
Parent Loss / Re: My mum
« on: October 11, 2013, 10:21:55 PM »
Hi Molly
I too am so sorry about your mom.  I lost my mom 5 years ago in December.  Not a happy Christmas.
She was 91.  She was independent, exasperating and loveable.  She had a history of falls but she always recovered and came home.  However this time she didn't.  She contracted pneumonia and she died.  I met the ambulance at the hospital after she had fallen and stayed with her most of the night.  I saw her the next day after her surgery but did end up going back to work.
When I came to the hospital after work they told me she wasn't going to make it.  I was shocked.  She always got better but then she didn't.  Done feel guilt, you sound like a wonderful daughter.  I too used to take my mom out on weekends but of course during the week I had my own children, house and work.  I'm sure she was lonely especially since my dad had predeceased her but my sisters and I did our best to see her whenever we could and invite her to each of our homes for all the special or not so special occasions as I'm sure you did.  I miss her so much but I know she is in a better place with my dad.  I say that because she would always say "Why am I still here".  I joined this site 2 years when I lost my sister suddenly.  She was my best friend and I really miss her so much.  Everyone on here has been so supportive and kind.  Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.  Try not to have any regrets, it sounds like you had a special relationship with your mom.  It will get easier as time passes but the pain will always remain in your heart.  That's what loving her was all about and that is why it is so hard to say goodbye.  I hope you have someone in your life that can support you and remember your mom is probably watching over you and whispering advice, etc. in your ear.  At least I hope so.  Take care and keep us posted on how you are doing.
Sisters

2
Child Loss / Re: This makes me nervous
« on: June 26, 2013, 03:49:20 PM »
I too was nervous to post here but every time I write about my sister who I lost just over 2 years ago I am supported by many kind people.

I too am so sorry for your loss.  Each of us has to go through this terrible time in order to come out the other side.  We each grieve at our own pace.  Don't feel you have to rush things and don't listen to anyone who says you should "get over it".
You'll never get over it but in time the happy memories will make you smile instead of cry.

I wish you weren't in so much pain.  But the pain you feel shows how much you loved your child.  If you didn't love so much you wouldn't be feeling so sad.

I hope you can find peace.  Just know people care and are thinking of you.

Take care of yourself.

Sisters

3
Main / Re: how do I get back to my normal routine
« on: April 24, 2013, 06:36:26 PM »
Hi Sheri
I'm so very sorry to hear of your dad passing.  ALS is such a cruel disease.

You've barely even had time to absorb his loss.  Of course making a living doesn't take a holiday just because you're grieving.
I suppose you're probably not sleeping well or at all.  Take baby steps.  Maybe like Terry suggested just work a few hours a day.
Is it something you really want to do.  If it is then the interest will come but right now you're grieving, you're probably exhausted and not thinking too clearly.  Don't make any major decisions for at least a year.  You might decide it's not what you want to do and that's okay, your dad would have been proud of you no matter what you choose to do in your life, whether it's continuing his business or finding your own way and following your own dreams.

Maybe you could hire someone to help you out temporarily or a friend or retired person that could help you out.  They may not want to get paid , helping you may be reward enough.

Be good to yourself, you've been through alot for the past 2 years being there for your dad.  Let us know how you're doing and I hope you give yourself some time to process everything.

Sisters

4
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: whats next ???!!!!
« on: March 21, 2013, 03:33:09 PM »
I know what it's like to start crying when someone mentions your loved one but look at it like this, isn't it nice that people ask
about her.  Try to take some comfort from that.  Other people cared about her too.
Sisters

5
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: my loss
« on: March 04, 2013, 10:43:48 AM »
Dear Martin
I'm so very sorry for your loss.  I hope you have a loving family or a dear friend to lean on.  We all need to lean on someone at a time like this.  Don't feel weak for needing help/counselling.  You're being strong to see someone and talk and try to heal.  I know when my sister died and I got the call from the hospital it was so hard.  I was walking the few blocks to the hospital thinking, NO, NO, NO, how am I going to go through this and how am I going to live without my best friend in the whole world. It felt like a bad dream, something that happens to other people not me.  But it did happen to me and we don't have any say in the matter. 
I think you're feeling something similar.  It is so very hard but unless we face the grief it bottles up and makes things worse.
It's normal what you're going through and if you need to vent come here because we've all been through what you are going through and even though we didn't want to it happens and we understand.

So try to take care of yourself and treasure the memories of your time together.  Let us know how you're doing when you feel up to it.

Sisters

6
Child Loss / Re: Am I normal?
« on: March 01, 2013, 03:41:28 PM »
Dear Dawn
I'm so very sorry you have lost your precious son.  All I can do is agree with the others here who say nothing is normal.
You do what you have to do.  If that means other people don't understand well too bad.  Scream, cry, laugh, grieve.
We here will support you and you can write anytime.  I lost my sister suddenly almost 2 years ago.  I can't compare it to
losing a child however I can say it does get better.  Time will help but the pain will never leave.  It's just a new way of
living, a way none of us saw coming or wanted.  Take care of yourself, rest, try to eat, try to sleep.  Journalling helped me
maybe that will be something that will help you at some point.
Take care, I'll say a prayer for you and your son.
Sisters

7
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Alone and sad
« on: November 30, 2012, 05:51:17 PM »
Hi Marty

I'm so very sorry you lost Pam.  I know the pain is so very hard.  We understand because we are going through it too.
The pain never goes away but it does lessen with time.  Take care of yourself, try to eat and get rest.  I know I
couldn't sleep after my sister died.  I didn't want to take something but I did and eventually
I didn't need to.  So be good to yourself.  I'm so glad you have your furry friends.  They're just like family.
I have 3 cats and they crawl into my lap and it helps me feel their unconditional love.  I journalled alot and cried
when I was driving back and forth to work.  Just let the tears flow and keep in touch here, we feel the same way
and we hope we can help you through this journey that no one wants to travel.

Sisters

8
Main / Re: They are HERE!!! (long read)
« on: November 03, 2012, 01:17:54 PM »
Hi Terry
I too hope you make it through ok.  I feel you're so brave!  I'm not sure how I would have dealt with going
through my sister's things but I didn't have too.  Her kids did it.  When they had her house ready to sell just this past
May I went to see it one more time to say goodbye and her old red jacket was the only thing left hanging in her
closet.  They probably didn't think it was of any use to anyone but didn't want to toss it either.  So I have it here at
my house hanging in my closet.  I'm not sure if I'll ever wear it either but it comforts me to know it's here with me.
I don't think I ever saw her wear it and if I did it wasn't often but it's the little things that make us feel better.
I have an old notebook of my dads in my purse with his notes to himself on it.  It's his handwriting that makes me
feel closer to him.  Same with my mom.  I have an old bank deposit book where she wrote down her cheques she
had written.  Her handwriting started out strong but then was so feeble like her.  But I cherish these things.
I hope  you find similar things to comfort your on your journey.
Love Sisters (Terry Anne Teresa - my mom's nickname for me)

9
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Those in the path of Sandy
« on: November 02, 2012, 07:07:05 PM »
Here in Canada I'm praying for those lost in Hurricane Sandy.  I wish everyone well and will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

10
Sibling Loss / Re: Jolene's Angel Date ((((( Gail )))))
« on: October 20, 2012, 08:35:02 PM »
Hi Gail

I've been reading your former posts and feel we are kindred spirits.  My sister and I were best friends too and I just miss her so much.  I went to the cemetary today where my mum and dad are buried and asked them to please help me get over my loss.  It's still so very painful after a year and a half.  My sister and I'd talk all the time and try to get together as much as we could since we lived 2 hours apart.  She had a new little grandson born 3 months ago and since he lives nearby I try to see him as much as I can.  I give him a big kiss from my sister and her husband each time I see him.  It's so difficult that she'll never see him grow up, she would have adored him.  She was a nurse and worked in a small hosptial delivering babies.  She loved the babies.
I hope you're doing better than I am.  I hope life gets better.  I feel like I'm rambling and I apologize for that.  Just having a bad day.

Sisters

11
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Two Words
« on: October 20, 2012, 08:09:41 PM »
Hi Mark
I'm so sorry you're lonely.  It's so hard and I too feel lonely even tho it's been almost 1 1/2 years since I lost my sister, my best friend.  I hope for both of us that it gets better.  I pray for that every day.  I ask her to help me from above.  I don't know what the answer is.  I just get up every day and hope it's better than yesterday.  I wish all the best for you.
Sisters in Canada

12
Parent Loss / The Girls in the Front Row
« on: July 12, 2012, 08:01:38 PM »
Hi everyone
I know this message could also go in the category of books on grief, however I posted it here because of it dealing with daughters losing their mothers at a young age.  I have not ready the book just saw a trailer on you tube and on the author's website.  I'm hoping any daughter that has lost their mom (myself included even though I wasn't the age of these daughters) will be comforted that others have gone through this heartbreak and have triumphed.  My sister died in April 2011 and left behind five wonderful children.  Two are daughters, one with a little boy and the other expecting in a few weeks.  They both really miss their mom especially when it comes to relying on her for love and advice in raising their own children.  The book is called "The Girls in the Front Row" and the author's website is www.lindagayleross.com.  I hope this new book will help others.  I intend to buy it for my two nieces.  My sister was my best friend in the whole world and I try in a small way to be there for her children.
Love to all, Terry

13
Parent Loss / Re: It doesn't seem real....
« on: June 22, 2012, 08:23:42 PM »
Hi
I am so very sorry for your loss.  Dad's are so special, teaching us to ride our bikes,  fly a kite or walking us down the aisle at our wedding.
I know you are feeling sorrow like nothing you've ever felt, it's physically painful.  Who would believe
we could feel this awful?  Just take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time if that's all you can do.
I know you're worried about your mom but take care of yourself too.  Cling to each other, cry, yell,
whatever it takes.  It's a journey no one wants to take but unfortunately we don't have a choice.
Pour out your heart here.  Everyone understands and tries to help. It's still so fresh for you but know it does
get easier.  My sister who died in April 2011 used to tell me about a saying she liked.  It read "As we are crying
here on earth as someone is passing, the people waiting for them in heaven are smiling, saying here she comes."
I think of that and picture my mom and dad welcoming her with open arms.  I still can't believe she's gone and
I miss her every minute of every day.  I can't believe a year has gone by and I won't ever see her again.
Many people who I never would have believed had gone through the same thing have reached out to me.
I guess that's the silver lining if there is such a thing.
I hope you have a loving, supportive spouse who can help you along the way.
Terry

14
Hi Paula
Your post stuck something inside me.  I've never lost a child so don't begin to understand your sorrow and pain.
However I did lose my sister and more importantly she was my best friend.  As a woman I understand how much
friendships mean.  I commend you for the strength to try and regain your friendship with this couple.  I truly hope
it works out.
I loved your words "you and your husband feel like actors".  You couldn't have said it better as I know I feel that way too.
Good luck as you move forward.  I sincerely hope you regain your friend.

Terry

15
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: New widow...suffering
« on: May 23, 2012, 06:59:42 PM »
Welcome Pam
I too am so sorry for your loss.   I lost my sister a year ago and didn't see it coming.  I just thought bad things happened to other people. 
I know the feelings of anger, sadness and panic.
I went to two different grief counsellors and it did help me.  I journalled every day on my laptop.  I still do but it's not as often.
I hope you have close family/friends that allow you to be yourself and show your grief.  I felt like my heart had been ripped out of me but time does make it easier.  The pain will always have a place in my heart, I know that.  But after a year I can honestly say things are better.  Just take it one day at a time.  You have to suffer the pain to get through it even tho it sucks.
People on this site are kind and understanding.  We've all shared our own unique pain and we really do understand and wish the best for you.  Sharing your feelings even if it is only with yourself in a journal might help if you want to try that.
I hope knowing there are people that understand helps you.  Take good care of yourself.
Terry

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