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Messages - Barb45

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Main / Re: 5 MONTHS - still so painful ....
« on: May 06, 2009, 05:47:07 PM »
I have a gravesite to go to. It does little to help the pain. I feel better in putting flowers but I feel him at home more so. I don't think anything other than him walking thru the door, would make me feel better!I miss him so very much!! Cry & pray is all I do.

Main / Re: feeling so broken .......
« on: May 05, 2009, 10:46:25 AM »
I know what you mean about couple. Each time I am out in public & I see husbands helping wives it hurts! I am jealous! Even in church, at that time I weep. Have to keep tissues as could happen at an moment...Tv everywhere. We were just beginning to enjoy life before the cancer :'(Nothing has an meaning for me now!!!

Main / Re: 5 MONTHS - still so painful ....
« on: May 04, 2009, 09:42:23 AM »
It will be 4 months the 8th since I lost my "My Soulmate" I feel like I will never be abled to go on. He was my Life!!! I pray & cry everything else I do is because I have to. We did everything together. Since Jan 08 when finding out he had lung cancer we were constant companions. Maybe one day I will follow him. I have 2 grandsons to keep me here for now..One day they will not need me.

Main / Re: Information about the Main Board
« on: March 30, 2009, 09:55:18 AM »
Lonliness remains a huge issue with me. Im approaching 6 months since my wife died and the extreme, super-harsh emotions have eased after a couple of months. Grief group, counseling, calling people, just getting out of the house, attending events, book club, family events all help but I still go home to just me being there. Maybe the trick is in seeing that there are other lonely people out there too and many who are not going through grief as we are. I don't have many answers but I do know that simply writing out my thoughts and posting them here is of benefit to me. Keep posting and look for as many supports as you can find. I hate this journey alone but I don't have much choice in the matter.

Kevin, I know how you feel. Its been 3 mts since I lost my husband. I get very upset when I see couples together, anywhere! Its easier somehow to keep to myself. After 44 yrs being married, nothing can hurt so much!!!

Main / Re: so much grief
« on: March 15, 2009, 08:47:54 AM »
My prayers go out to you, Terri. Try to stay stong. I say that knowing how hard it is at times! Pray for God to help you get thru the life you have now. It is frightning knowing I am alone with all the decisions. God Bless you, Terri..

Main / Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« on: March 14, 2009, 12:37:29 PM »
Betty, My husband was diagnosed with SmallCell lung cancer Jan 08. I knew all year, I was on pins & needles, it was afast growing cancer!I was not ready or prepared! In a way it may have been easier for you, but not! There is NO EASY WAY!! We all are going thru the same here. I am hoping it will help me somewhat. I  am thankful they have this website. helps to know I am not alone in this. God Bless you all!!

Main / Re: sitting here in the middle of the night
« on: March 14, 2009, 11:10:40 AM »
andy1964, I am feeling the same way about my husband, James. He always promised we would go together! When the movie, The Notebook came out he gave it to me for anniversary. He had such a big heart. I hate to see couple together, it HURTS! You have your daughter & yes, she needs you. I know my family can go on without me. I feel so alone. I wait for a sign from him & I gat none & it worries me. I want to talk to noone, on phone or personally, go out  only  >:(when have to.

Main / Re: So, so alone
« on: March 14, 2009, 10:41:32 AM »
Yes, you definatly need a therapist. This is too much for you to deal with without help. Also, do stay close to your family!Especially brother, he also needs therapy.God Bless your family. What a tremendous loss.

Main / Re: Lost huband Jan 8th & it hurts so much..
« on: March 14, 2009, 10:36:57 AM »
After reading posts, I know I am not alone. We all are going thru the same. I will be on daily..I know this feeling will never leave. His Veterans plaque & headstone will be in next week. His grave is so bear. I also need a sign that he is with me yet I get nothing & don't know why...

Main / Re: Lost huband Jan 8th & it hurts so much..
« on: March 13, 2009, 10:01:54 PM »
My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer last Jan. He also had copd. The chemo & radiation treatments further damaged his lungs. His last 6 mts were tormeting for him. I know he is better now. I just miss him so very much!!!  He was my whole life. The last year we were together 24-7. I cry & pray!!

Main / Re: Lost huband Jan 8th & it hurts so much..
« on: March 13, 2009, 04:09:00 PM »
 Was my old name &   that spelling was done so by accident. Thank you all for repling & I know its an uphill battle that I dread. I have thought of suicide at times, really have. I am not a social person. Its always been family for me!

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