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Messages - stampingwidow

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Dealing with Robert's birthday was easier this year.  I was able to focus on some happy memories instead of dwelling on my loss.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: How is everyone doing?
« on: October 10, 2014, 11:10:08 PM »
It has been almost 3 years since Robert passed.  I am healing but the progress is slow.  I can now look at pictures if us and enjoy them instead of crying.  I can o to the Cemetery and be at peace.  In many ways I am improving.    I am staying still home too much.  I have somewhat isolated myself.  I do not make an effort to go and do things plus now I have a broken leg so it is even more difficult.  I am lonely.  I need companionship!  I need to force myself to interact more with others.  .  I am finding my friends are rather superficial.  No one comes here and few invite me anywhere.   I have spent my life doing fir others but few bother to help.  I need to reach out and develop new friends, after my leg heals.  I need activities and personal interaction that I cannot get on line.  I am beginning to smile a but  now which should be a dign if improvement. Guess I am improving but have a ways to go.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: How is everyone doing?
« on: June 19, 2014, 01:44:09 PM »
Hello everyone this is an update on my situation.  People are telling me that I am looking much better but when I look at photographs I see that I am not smiling.  I am making progress. I have returned to church and to participating in a few of their activities. I am not participating much in community activities, yet.

I am flying yo Alaska, in a few weeks I tend to sit around the house and vegetate, which I know is not good for me.  There have been many maintenance problems with the house and farm.  I have been blessed with good friends great construction people, willing to assist me.  Making decisions with out Robert, is hard but necessary. I miss his companionship and always will.  I am making progress though.  I can now look at picture if him and not cry.  I can stand going to the cemetery and no longer cry.  I have lost a few friends but have gained some supportive ones too. 

I want all to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel!  I am beginning to see it!  I am not there yet but I now have hope!  When I was on here daily, I did not feel like I would ever see it.  It is possible to developed a new normal but we will never have the old normal.  It is up to us, wether we develop a good or a bad new normal.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: 11 months and counting
« on: July 07, 2013, 04:54:56 AM »
My experience has been that the anticipation is much worse than the actual dreaded day.  Earlier in my grief process I agonized about our special days or life changing events.  It has been two years & those days are much easier.  You do not forget but you learn how to adapt.

Wow your health has really improved!  What wonderful news!  It will free you to enjoy more of your life.  You may not be able to imagine that at this point.  You are entering a transition phase in this process.  It is not easy to develop new friends but it can be done.  Perhaps doing some volunteer work would widen our opportunities o find friends.  Pursuing a hobby or interest might do the same & will make your life richer.  It is hard to make the effort to do these things but over time it should get easier.  Grief is hard work!

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: So this is it, my new life
« on: July 07, 2013, 04:39:28 AM »
You have come to a great site.  The people here really care and understand.  They are in or have been in the grief process.  Keep in mind, we all grieve differently.  Eventually there will be someone that disagrees on how. You grieve or how long you grieve.  It happens.  Everyone seems to have an opinion.  Consider what they say but if it does not help, ignore it and do what is right for you.

Grief is a long, discouraging process.  It takes time to adjust & find a new normal for your life.  Do not give up.  Things will get better!  I am much better now.  Things that old have devastated me a year ago, I am more able to deal with now.  I doubt grief totally disappears but we do learn to deal with it.  Feel free to share your fears & anger here.  It helps.  By reading others posts you will gain understanding.  This is a good place to be.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Andy or hixguy
« on: June 16, 2013, 06:54:55 PM »
Your private email address did not work & I have been unable to reach you here.  Hope we do not loose touch, Ann

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Call out to Browneyedgirl
« on: June 03, 2013, 02:37:42 PM »
Glad you are doing better!  We look forward to hearing from you!

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Call out to Browneyedgirl
« on: May 28, 2013, 07:22:58 PM »
Hope she feels better very soon!

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Kevin you are needed here.  You really make a difference!  People like you & Terry are what makes this site special.  Everyone here that offers support, makes a difference in others lives!  Glad the new hours are helpful.  Sometimes such things are more important than money. Ann

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Happy Birthday Mom
« on: May 09, 2013, 06:36:08 PM »
Thanks for sharing.  It helps us newbies realize there is some hope.

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Thanks everyone!

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Maureen's Angel Date ((Arthur))
« on: May 04, 2013, 03:36:17 PM »
Some how other people think we should be over our loss.  Unless they have one through loosing someone they just do not understand!  Going to the cemetery or putting lowers on a grave, helps many people.  It does nothing to help me.  He is not there!  His soul is in heaven.  It was easier this year & people said it would soon not be a problem.  You do not get over a relationship of 47 years!  The lats couple of days have been easier.  Holidays will be painful due o our loss.

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Thanks Arthur.  Soon the estate will be settled & that will help.  The farm seems to be an ongoing problem.  The former tenants still have not finished cleaning up their trash,or  cleaning out their manure.  They still have a lot of machinery of ours.  I may have to take legal action.  It is heartbreaking they are/were long time friends.  Thank goodness,  my adult children have been helping get the place cleaned up.   My son has to return home as he is needed at the home office.  He hopes to come sometime in June.  It will be hard to say goodbye tonight to my son.

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Robert's birthday was easier this year!    His cousin was here or a brief visit.  My children were here briefly.  I think they were having their own problems with grief.  My husband was a dairy farmer until his health forced his retirement.  He then rented out our dairy facility to a former employee.  That agreement fid not work out well.  Two weeks ago they moved their cows o a new facility on their property.  It is like going thru another death in the family.  There had been cows here for at least 100 years perhaps many more.  The farm seems very empty now.  We are assessing what repairs are needed to maintain it & not let it deteriorate.  It is rather overwhelming.  The facility was not maintained well by the tenants.  My kids are trying to lean it out & bring it back to the way it was in their youth.  It helps that they are helping or I would be totally overwhelmed.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Maureen's Angel Date ((Arthur))
« on: April 28, 2013, 01:37:34 PM »
Angel dates are so difficult.  I try to rationalize that my pain is just an indication of my love for Robert.  It does not prevent the pain, but somehow helps me deal with the loss.  My nought s re with ou!

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