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Messages - MJ

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Main / Lost my husband - trying not to lose my mind
« on: February 15, 2009, 05:07:27 PM »
My husband died on Thanksgiving Day 2008 after an anesthesiologist made a mistake during surgery and caused his death. We had been together for 20 years. I lost my father a couple of years ago but losing my husband has been so much more painful. We worked together, driving to and from work everyday and spending lunches together. We did everything together and I loved him very much. I have not been back to work yet and cannot bear to think about going back. My blood pressure has gone way up and the doctor prescribed blood pressure medication. They also tried to get me to take anti-depressants which I am refusing at this point. I go to group therapy and have gone to a couple of individual counseling sessions as well as going to see a psych. The group therapy brings out a lot of feelings and helps me to realize that what I am feeling is normal - sadness, angry, fear, guilt, no motivation, confusion, forgetful, lonely, etc. - but the individual sessions don't help nor did the one visit with the psych. She was very cold-hearted and unfeeling and said if I didn't want to take the drugs that she couldn't help me. She also said that I needed to go back to work next week, which has caused me great anxiety. The people that I have talked to who have taken anti-depressants while grieving said they didn't help the pain, they just kind of numb it. Why bother then? Some days are worse than others - like today for example - which is how I found this site - google searching for help. Maybe it will help to read others experiences and to be able to write of my own. I don't know - anything (except drugs) is worth a try. What advice do you have? Should I try the meds? What about work?

I lost my husband on Thanksgiving 2008. We were together for 20 years. I will pray for your health as I pray for my own. My blood pressure has gone up and I am now on medication to control it. The first thing the doctor wanted to do was prescribe anti-depressants which I am not taking. I am depressed but I think that it is normal to be depressed after losing the love of your life, right? Masking it with mind numbing drugs isn't going to make the pain go away. Take care of yourself and your health but you don't have to listen to everything that doctors tell you. Sometimes I think they just don't understand - no one does until they have been there.

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