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Messages - tsjones

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1
Child Loss / It's Been a Long Time
« on: December 15, 2009, 06:43:17 PM »
Hi Everyone,

It has been many months since I have posted. I do come to the site and read a few times a month though. I am sorry I have been away for so long. I want you all to know that I always think of the people on this board and the precious children that we all long for. My feelings of emptiness increase during this time of year and I just feel defeated. I have such a longing for my life "before the death of my son" that sometimes I can't see past everything else that is going on. I still wonder how this happened. I find myself constantly thinking about how things were before Jordan died. It has been two years now. I still can't grasp the finality of it all. I love him and miss him so much and I know everyone here on this board is experiencing terrible pain, so I didn't want to post a whining session. I just wanted everyone to know that I'm still here...I still think about all of you...I still think about our beautiful children....Adam, Doug, Patrick, Tammie, Landon, Wade, Josh, Jason, Donny, Philip. Keith, Taylor, and many more......blessings to you all....my heart is full of longing for these children to be with their families. Take care everyone....

Tammy

2
Child Loss / miss him so much
« on: June 12, 2008, 07:10:30 PM »
Today was the last day of school for my 14 year old. I have been so sad, crying most of the day because we have always celebrated the last day of school with the boys. We were all so happy that everyone got through another school year! We did not celebrate today. We did not do anything. Without Jordan here it just didn't seem like we had anything to really celebrate. I miss him so very much that my whole body aches. It will be 11 months on Father's Day since Jordan's death and I can't believe I have not seen my son in 11 months. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that this didn't happen at all, then I realize that it did and it hurts even worse. This really sucks.

3
Child Loss / Re: 4 yrs angel date
« on: June 12, 2008, 06:58:43 PM »
and she is a beautiful angel too.....

4
Main / Re: TODAY MAKES A MONTH MY WIFE IS GONE
« on: June 10, 2008, 06:51:17 PM »
Don,
I am so very sorry about the loss of your dear wife. I can tell you love her very much. Heaven is a wonderful, beautiful place and she is at peace now. I don't know the specifics of her death, but I can tell you that she is not in any pain, she feels no saddness, she wants for NOTHING. God is taking great care of her. Keep talking to Him. He will guide you through. He is holding you close and will comfort you.

5
Child Loss / Re: Silent Crying
« on: June 10, 2008, 06:42:35 PM »
Melissa,

I feel very similar to you. When my son died, a part of my soul died with him. I am just different, I feel different, my life is different and will never be whole again. I will never care about anything other than my other two children with the same passion that I did before.  I refuse to pretend that I am ok and happy. I absolutley refuse. Everything I have done since my children were born has been for them. Continuing my education and getting my degree was not for me...it was for them....so they could learn about self respect and responsibility. Sorry to go on and on...I am having a very hard time. It's coming up on 11 months right on father's day and it really hurts. Thanks for listening.

6
Child Loss / Re: Trying to get through the loss of my twin daughter
« on: June 09, 2008, 06:43:14 PM »
I am in a blended family. My son was my husbands stepson and sometimes I feel as though he wants me to "hurry up" through my grief. We have had huge arguments about this. It really bothers me. I know he does not feel the same way that I do...he doesn't have the same pain and it makes me angry that he keeps telling me that we have to get back to normal. What in the world. Nothing will ever be normal again and I tell him that all the time.

7
Child Loss / Re: Our new normal
« on: June 09, 2008, 06:40:06 PM »
I am a terrible worrier now. I almost have an anxiety attack when the fire whistle goes off. It's awful. I also save telephone messages because I am afraid it may be the last time I hear that person's voice. I am so afraid of just everything.

8
Child Loss / Re: MY JONBOYS ANGEL DATE
« on: June 08, 2008, 04:05:28 PM »
I am thinking of you and praying for you and your family as you try to just get through this rough time.

9
Child Loss / Re: It's been awhile and I need to explain
« on: June 06, 2008, 10:42:19 AM »
I am so sorry to hear about all of the added stress and pain you are experiencing. What you had was enough, and now all of this! I will pray for you and your family.

10
Child Loss / Re: please pray for our family
« on: May 29, 2008, 06:23:29 PM »
You are in my thoughts and prayers. You are going through alot and I am so very sorry.

11
Child Loss / Re: Josh's Angel Date
« on: May 28, 2008, 06:53:07 PM »
I am praying for you as your struggle through.

12
Child Loss / Re: Another Family Loses Their Child
« on: May 28, 2008, 06:45:13 PM »
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of that young man. It is so very sad. I am thinking of his family and will pray for them.

13
Child Loss / another young person
« on: May 27, 2008, 06:40:38 PM »
My best friend has lost her stepson, Bradley, in a motorcycle accident this past Memorial Day weekend. What a tragedy....for her and all of his family. He was the youngest of 5 boys. Please pray for my friend, MaryBeth, and her family as they begin this very painful journey. She is my best buddy and I never wanted her to experience such pain. Now here it is...right in her face. His funeral is this Friday.

It makes my heart ache because my Jordan died on a Sunday too and his funeral was on a Friday too, just like Bradley's is. It is so very painful and I am trying very hard to be very supportive. Please....give me some tips on how to be a good friend to her as I try to continue on with the mourning of my own son.

14
Child Loss / Re: LANDON'S 1ST ANGEL DATE
« on: May 27, 2008, 06:31:27 PM »
I am thinking about you and your family on this very difficult day. Landon is such a precious boy! How beautiful he is! Praying for you sweetie.

15
Child Loss / Re: stupid questions
« on: May 27, 2008, 06:29:17 PM »
I have been very fortunate that I haven't had anyone say anything like that to me. Everyone says they think I am doing great. If they could only see my insides.....

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