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Messages - Irene

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Main / Re: Difficulty with Friend
« on: September 23, 2019, 10:52:26 AM »
Yes Tom, my friend has been focused solely on her own issues for the last two years, and while I understand that life has been difficult for her, I find her need for me to contact her at undefined times of her crises, anxiety provoking and then her resulting anger, when I have failed to "perform" appropriately, even more stressful. I have since received a couple of e-mails from her, advising me that if I just accepted that I should have called her on the one night where she was under stress(but felt that she couldn't call me) we would be working towards fixing the issues. Unfortunately, a year ago, when she had a similar issue, she advised me that I was continually dropping the ball in terms of support and this would only happen again. At the time, I believed she was right and that was correct. I have bought the book, "Boundaries" as this was recommended to me, and I have suggested going to a counselor to work through this, but she isn't wanting to pursue this angle at this point in time. To be honest, I find after a lifetime of friendship, that being blamed for being the problem and being given the corrected path of making things right again, would be helpful to her perhaps, but would be a form of accepting abusive behaviour on my part. I just want to be accepted for who I am and if my support offered isn't what she needs, then I don't have any answers other than discussing this jointly with an unbiased counselor.

Main / Re: The Forums
« on: September 11, 2019, 06:44:04 AM »
   I will forever be grateful to this board which I found almost 15 years ago when my mother passed away suddenly. I was desperate for finding ways to just make it through each day(and often it felt from minute to minute). I've never found another forum that has been more helpful to me. I have just written about another issue in the hopes that I could gain some insight but I remain forever grateful for the help that I received when I was most in need. Thank you.

Main / Difficulty with Friend
« on: September 11, 2019, 06:33:13 AM »
Hi, Years ago I joined this site after my mother had passed away and I found tremendous help from the members that listened and gave me advice. I will be grateful for the information I received here for the rest of my life. I have a lifelong friend who has been going through some issues for many years and for which she has been seeing a counselor. Two years ago, her stresses increased and she lashed out at me for not being supportive and that in the future, our communication had to be mainly about her. There have been a couple of instances in the last two years, where she has told me after becoming irritated with her feeling of me not being supportive enough, where she has withdrawn and told me that she needs time on her own and then a few weeks later, she would contact me again and we would continue on, often again with her feeling that I am not giving her the support that she needs. A few weeks ago, she called me one day, to tell me that she was facing a difficult decision. She called multiple times that morning and each time we discussed ways to solve the situation. That night I was packing to go away on a trip, but the next afternoon when I reached my destination I called her. She didn't pick up the phone, for the next two days and then on the third day she answered and told me that she was too upset that I hadn't called her on the Friday night(we had already spoken multiple times that day) to check in on her. I explained that I had called her the next day, and she was upset that it hadn't been the Friday night and that she didn't have the energy to pick up the phone when I called her the following days. After going to see a counselor as I was feeling so anxious about this continued sense of controlling behaviour on the part of my friend, I communicated with my friend how I felt. She later contacted me to say that she doesn't want to continue with this toxic relationship(and I agree that this is what it has become) and she is going to spend the future focusing on herself without contact from me. It's been a few weeks now, but after decades of friendship I know this friend and feel that she won't seek out the help that she needs, and instead will blame me for the fallout, as she has for the last two years. I know that without this help, our friendship is essentially over after a lifetime as the blaming and anger directed at me, has taken it's toll on me, and although I don't regret telling her how I felt about our relationship over the last two years, I do feel regret that knowing her so well, her anger won't dissipate and this will be the end of our friendship-one that was one of the most important in my life.

Parent Loss / Mom's Passing Anniversary
« on: November 02, 2018, 06:02:34 PM »
On November 2, 2004 my mother passed away suddenly. She had health problems, and her doctor felt that the cause was that she had developed lactose intolerance. She went to the hospital for testing and passed away 3 days later. The first year was extremely tough, and I am ever grateful that I found this board and the help that I had received from the individuals that responded to my tearful letters. I don't often check on this board anymore, but again I am forever grateful for the people that continue to help others with the loss of their loved ones. When my mother passed away, I didn't know how I could make it through and people would tell me to take baby steps. Gradually, it got easier, but we are now talking 14 years later. I never have forgotten the love that I had for my mother and I miss her every day. For any of those of you that helped me then, "Thank you, from the bottom of my heart." Still loving my mom every day of my life.

Main / Re: My Mom
« on: November 12, 2017, 04:46:36 PM »
Thank you for the hugs Terry. I am sorry to hear of the passing of your husband. This list was a godsend for me for several years, and although I seldom come here now, I am always aware of how helpful the people on here have been. Hugs back to you Terry.

Main / My Mom
« on: November 02, 2017, 07:36:01 AM »
Today marks 13 years since my mother passed away in 2004. She passed away suddenly although, she hadn't been feeling well for some time, and we realized in the end that she had received an incorrect medical diagnosis from her doctor. I loved my mother dearly. We didn't always have a perfect relationship, but in the years preceding her death, I was incredibly close to her and as always knew that she was my closest ally. I miss her every day, but especially today when I realize how difficult the first years were when she had first passed away. To all of you, who are new to this journey and have recently(or not) lost a loved one, my message is that it does get easier with time. You will never forget your loved one. The memories will eventually make you smile, and the tears will dry, but the love does not end. I love you Mom and I always will.

Main / Re: With Time...
« on: September 18, 2015, 05:46:46 AM »
Hi Maureen,
   It has been a very long time, but you have not been forgotten. In 2 months, it will be 11 years since my mother passed away and it was the most difficult time that I have ever faced in my life. I found this website at that time, and I can never thank those who have helped me enough. You and Lauren were always there to help me and others and the messages would sustain me and aid me in helping me to somehow get through that minute or hour. It is wonderful to hear of the changes you have in your life and the increased family members that surround you. I wish you all the best in the future and a forever thank you for being there when I most needed someone to listen.

Main / Re: Mother's Day
« on: May 10, 2015, 04:58:27 AM »
Thanks Lauren and Terry,
   My dad(also passed away now) would always excitedly try to make "secret" plans for what he would have in store for our mother. She was very shy and probably a quiet day would have pleased her the most, but my dad always planned  the "bells and whistles" for her. Sorry Lauren that today is a negative one for you. I too would pass on this day, but likely because it is one day I realize how much I just miss my mom and there's nothing that will change that. Thanks for the hugs Terry. I hope that everyone will have the kind of day that they hope for.

Main / Mother's Day
« on: May 08, 2015, 05:07:48 PM »
To all the mothers, I wish you a wonderful mother's day. I am a mother but my own mother passed away suddenly 10 years ago and still, I feel that this is one of the more difficult days to get through each year. I was tremendously close to my mom, and since she died, I seem to have a mental block regarding this upcoming holiday and it happens to me every year. I was with my grown kids having dinner at a fast food place yesterday and there was a large tv in front of us with closed captioning. The reporter asked the one woman what she was planning to do this Sunday and there was no response on the closed captioning screen and I was thinking,"What is happening this Sunday??" It took me a few minutes to realize that Mother's Day was this weekend. This happens to me every single year. I don't come here often anymore but for those of you that have mothers that have recently passed away, I wanted to say that it does get better and easier as time goes by. You will never forget those that you loved.

Main / Re: 10 years
« on: November 02, 2014, 06:20:10 AM »
Thanks to you both,
   Janka, I will look up your previous posts regarding Jan. Today is the 10 year mark regarding my mother's passing. I had started a journal after she passed away and found it tremendously helpful as I did this website. Strangely, I have never found going to the cemetery comforting and I am not sure I will go there today. I've reread some of my journal entries that I made around the time of her passing and I wrote a new one and found that this as well as writing here, is what I needed to do. I never could have thought about landing in this spot 10 years after someone who I loved so much and was one of my closest friends had passed. Thanks to you both.

Main / Re: 10 years
« on: October 21, 2014, 07:15:17 PM »
Thank you Terry and Janka,  I remember that when I first found this site, I would write on here and just cry while writing the messages and then cry more when I read the replies. It was hard to believe that people I had and have never met in person cared enough to help others in their most difficult time in their lives. I have profound gratitude for those here that dedicate their time in aiding people through their grief. I will make it through the next few weeks just as I've made it through the last 10 years, but never a day goes by that I don't miss my mother and that will be something I guess will be there for always. Thank you.

Main / 10 years
« on: October 19, 2014, 04:18:23 PM »
Hello, On November 2, 2004 my mother suddenly passed away. I didn't know how I would ever be able to survive so much pain, but shortly after she died, I joined this board and the people on here helped me tremendously in dealing with my grief. With the 10th anniversary approaching, I find myself apprehensive. It's been almost 10 years and I've made it through this far, but with the milestone nearing, I find it feels forever and that forever feeling is really scary. I loved my mother dearly. She was one of the most important people in my life and there isn't a day that I don't think of her. I know that when my mom died, I would read the notes of others who had similarly lost loved ones quite awhile ago and I found myself wishing that I could have had that time passage as I felt it would have been easier than having such a fresh loss. To those of you with the recent passing of a loved one, I will assure you that it does get easier with time. We just never, ever forget that loved one. I wanted to thank those that helped me through with such a difficult time in my life. There is one in particular that I still have contact with. Bless all of you and thank you.

Main / Ring
« on: June 05, 2013, 11:35:19 AM »
A few months ago, I got together with my two sisters. My father died a year ago and my mother passed away 8 years ago, and we sisters seldom see each other anymore, even though we do not live far from each other. My one sister produced jewellery, which my mother had inherited through her mother when my grandmother had passed away years before. I hadn't seen the jewellery in many years. I'm not in agreement with what to do with this jewellery, but I did suggest that we at least get to pick one item that we could keep. I picked a broken ring. It has only sentimental value, but I brought it to the jewellery store to be repaired. I want to wear this ring always, as a connection to my mom. I'm excited about picking it up tomorrow. It's funny in a way, but it's been years since I've had a chance to have a physical connection like this and unconsciously I gave the jeweller, my mother's phone number as a contact number. This list was always a great support to me, especially when my mom died, so I thought it was fitting to put this news here. I loved my mother and father so dearly. That never dies.

Parent Loss / Re: Mother's Day
« on: May 13, 2013, 10:40:03 AM »
   It's been 8 years since my mother passed away, but the memories of her and wishing I could see her again, have never faded. The first year was the hardest, and I think it was a matter of selfpreservation, but previous to Mother's Day, I would see cards and signs up in stores etc., and I would think,"Oh yes, Mother's Day is coming." Every time I would see a reminder, my mind would do a mental block. Years have gone by, and still as Mother's Day approaches my mind does that little trick again. I can smile at it now as I'm sure my mother would. She knew I loved her dearly and still do. To others whose mothers have passed, my thoughts are with you. We are all very lucky to have had wonderful moms who are still with us in our hearts.

Main / Re: Irene, one month today....
« on: June 15, 2012, 06:17:00 PM »
Thankyou to you both. I feel that my parents are together now, and that gives me some comfort, because there was never a doubt in my mind as to how much my dad loved my mother. Thankyou for your hugs.

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