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Messages - SadCat777

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Main / Feeling alone
« on: November 28, 2007, 10:43:31 PM »
Hi,

Does anyone else ever feel alone in their grief? I feel like my husband always makes me feel worse after talking to him about how I'm feeling, rather than I did if I didn't talk to him about my feelings. I tell him that I'm sad and that I'm having a really hard time(it's only been two months since my mom passed unexpectedly). He has nothing to say, no advice to give, so here I am again on my computer at 9:30 PM looking for comfort. How sad.

I was telling my therapist that his coldness is making me start to resent him. He says that he's there for me, but it sure doesn't feel like it. I feel as if I am all alone. I have a really good support system of good friends, but shouldn't I be getting it from my husband too? These past few weeks he hasn't asked me how I was, how I'm feeling, nothing. Thanksgiving was so hard, and he didn't say a word about anything until I brought it up.

Like tonight, I told him that I'm sad. He asks, "About what?". It's amazing how odd of a question that is. About what? What does he think????!!!   ???

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I guess that I will get all of my support from my friends and family, but shouldn't my husband be my main supporter of all people???

I miss my mom so much. I feel so bad for my dad. He seems so lost without my mom. They would have celebrated their 50 year Wedding Anniversary this June.

Candice


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Main / Something to share, amazing awesome
« on: October 30, 2007, 07:56:22 PM »
Small | Large


Hello everyone,

I wanted to share this amazingly awesome music video of Bring The Rain by MercyMe. I watched it and I cried so hard. It so fits what we are all going through right now.

Please check it out.

Hugs to everyone,
Candice

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Main / Re: To My Online Friends
« on: October 27, 2007, 11:15:57 PM »
Kelly,

Thank you for all of your support as well. It is nuts how this new journey has been for me. It has only been five weeks since my sweet mom passed, and I feel like I've been going through all of the motions of life, but I am in slow motion while my life is in fast forward.

I remember telling you that I was in the hospital with my mom for five days, and you telling me you were with your dad for 18 days. Oh my gosh. I don't know about you, but I went from a size 4 to a size 1 in a matter of days after my mom went into the hospital.

I am a full time mommy of my 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter. They are heavily involved in soccer, hula, cathecism class, etc. My daughter is in kindergarten so she gets out of school almost three hours earlier than my son, so I'm at school three times a day dropping off and picking up.

I've been having to keep up with all of this while grieving for my mom. Next week there is so much going on...soccer practice, Halloween stuff that the kids are doing at school, hula rehearsal, my daughter's recital, soccer game, and a parent/child cathecism class since my son is preparing for one of his seven sacraments(we're Catholic).

Finally today, I broke down and told my husband that I can't do it all anymore. I need time to breathe and grieve, and take care of myself right now. Right now in Southern California there are big wildfires going on all over the place. It has been six days, and some of the fires have been contained, but it is still nuts in San Diego County where my husband is in law enforcement. He has been called to duty for 14 hour shifts since Sunday, and the kids and I have barely had any time with him this week. So this week was extra tough. Anyway, I guess I shouldn't complain being that my city is still standing and hasn't been affected by the wildfires south, west, and north of us.

It is just amazing how some days I feel like I can cope, and other days I feel like I am drowning with grief. I have felt like my busy schedule has helped me cope this past few weeks, especially since the funeral, but I feel so exhausted and like I have nothing to give to my kids or friends because I am not whole self right now.

I know what you mean about having friends that have never lost anyone so close. I feel like a downer around everyone else that is "happy", and I feel so alone at times.

last weekend, some of my friends were talking about the holidays coming up. I told them that I just want to jump out of my skin even thinking about the holidays without my mom this year. I know the first everythings are the hardest. I just wish that the holidays weren't so soon after I lost my mom.

I have been reading this book called Grieving Mindfully. It is pretty interesting, although I can't seem to have enough time to read it enough.

Stay strong Kelly. I know that you have court business ahead of you. It will suck the life out of you, so stay strong. Your dad would want you to take care of business.

Always here for you,
Candice












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Main / Re: Mother
« on: October 23, 2007, 05:22:21 PM »
Hi,

I too, lost my mother recently on Sept. 20th. Her death was unexpected.

Last Saturday was the one month mark since she passed, and I was having a rough time. My husband watched the kids, and friends arranged to have their kids watched as well so we could have a girl night, have some wine talk, etc.  Thanks to my loyal friends, we ended up singing karaoke believe it or not, and I ended up laughing so much that night. It was the first time I laughed in over a month.

Today has been exceptionally hard. There are okay days, and then there are the rough days like today. I miss my mom so much. The heartache seems unbearable at times.

These message boards have been a blessing. We are always here when you need us!
Candice

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Main / Re: Giving this a shot...
« on: October 16, 2007, 11:15:43 AM »
Hi KK,

I lost my mom from a massive stroke  less than a month ago, September 20th. It was completely unexpected. She was a vivacious and "young" 69 years old. She didn't look or act like a typical 69 year old. She was even working out at the gym, on the morning of her mini stroke!!!! Two days after her mini stroke, she suffered a major stroke in the hospital and there was nothing they could do for her. She had swelling in her brain and was hemorraging. Three days after her major stroke she passed away. It was horrible to have to sit by and watch her die for days.

The funeral was just last Tuesday, and I am still shocked and so depressed. I miss my mom so much, I want her back so badly. She had so much life in her still.

These posts have been kind of saving me these past few days. Just knowing that there are others here that know how you feel, will help you.

Everything hurts right now. I just miss her so much and I can't believe that I'll never be able to hang out with her, go on trips with her, hear her voice, or see her pretty face. I called my dad last Sunday and it went straight to voicemail because he was on the phone. My mom's outgoing greeting is still on their voicemail. It killed me to hear her voice again.

Hugs to you.
Candice

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Main / Re: Lost my mother unexpectedly two weeks ago today
« on: October 14, 2007, 08:02:18 PM »
It's been five days since my mom's funeral service. This weekend was the first weekend in town, and trying to get back into the normal schedule. It is so hard. I feel fried, like I don't have it in me to go on. My kids are counting on me and maybe in a way they're saving me.

This evening after dinner, my daughter took out the ice cream, the ice cream carton that my mom had bought them the last weekend she was here, four weeks ago. I had to run upstairs and just cry my eyes out because it's the little reminders like that that hurt so much.

I still can't believe she's gone, that I'll never see her again. My heart is so broken. I miss her SO much.

Candice

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Main / Re: I'm going to be selfish for just a minute
« on: October 12, 2007, 11:47:13 AM »
Hi Heidi,

That was beautiful. We all feel it. Thank you for sharing. It is not selfish. Big hugs to you.

Candice

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Main / Re: Lost my mother unexpectedly two weeks ago today
« on: October 11, 2007, 08:51:08 PM »
Wow Heidi, hugs to you too. I am so sorry about your mum. How has your stepdad been since the loss and the accident?

Thank you so much for your advice on not pulling away from family and friends. I am kind of doing that right now because I feel like my friends don't want to hear all my sorrow and pain everyday. I feel like I am bringing them down. Right now all of them are trying to make sure that I am eating, and they know I'll go out with them to eat, but nothing else.

That is good that you're going to a grief counselor. I wish we lived closer, I really think that others that are grieving can help each other out. That's okay though, for now we have our posts and you can also email any time as well.

Keep in touch Heidi,
Candice


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Main / Re: Lost my mother unexpectedly two weeks ago today
« on: October 11, 2007, 10:01:46 AM »
Hi,
I just got back into town. My mother's wake and funeral were last Monday and Tuesday. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel so torn apart inside.

To make it worse, my five year old daughter whom was extremely close to her Grandma(she called Grandma her best friend), came down with a bad fever the night after the wake that wouldn't break. My husband had to take her to ER and so both my husband and daughter couldn't attend the funeral on Tuesday. My daughter is okay, but still not 100%. I am taking her into her primary care doctor today.

It was really hard, especially not having my husband by my side, but my family, relatives, and best friends held me up for the most difficult day of my life. My husband was also very close to my mom, and he feels so bad that he couldn't be there for her funeral.

I miss my mom so much. It hurts so much. Her services were beautiful, but I feel like I am still in a bad dream and can't wake up. I am hoping and praying for signs from her.

Candice




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Main / Re: Lost my mother unexpectedly two weeks ago today
« on: October 06, 2007, 08:43:40 PM »
Hi Kelly,

Oh my gosh I am so sorry for both of your losses. I am so sorry that you had to watch your dad like that in the hospital for 18 days. We had to watch my mom for five days and it was the hardest thing in the world just to sit there and look at her and not be able to do anything.

I live 1.5 hours away from the hospital that she was at. My husband took off of work and kept the kids in school. Friends helped out to while I was away. I wasn't about to leave my mom's side either. I hope that she was able to hear everything that I told her those last five days.

I feel like I am drowning. I am supposed to be all packed to go back to my parent's house tomorrow for the services next week, and I am struggling.

Your kids sound so sweet. Yes, they are so innocent and precious and it makes it even harder that they have to feel the hurt as well.

What state to you live in? I live in Southern California. I think that it would be totally neat to someday unite. After all, nobody else know how it feels unless they've been in our shoes.

Stay in touch okay? Hugs to you...
Candice


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Main / Re: Lost my mother unexpectedly two weeks ago today
« on: October 06, 2007, 01:02:40 AM »
Thank you for your much needed support!! I just finished my personal eulogy to my mom that I'll be reading at the funeral reception this Friday. My sister emailed me the final draft for my mom's Memorial phamplets. I feel so sick to my stomach.

I just can't believe that my mom is gone.

I miss her so much. Hugs to all of you as well. I can't believe it hurts so much.

Candice

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Main / Re: Do you want to sleep a lot of a parent's death?
« on: October 04, 2007, 11:36:28 PM »
I just lost my mom two weeks ago. I feel completely exhausted. One of my best friends finally told me she's picking the kids (7 & 5 yrs. old) afterschool and she wants me to stay in bed and rest. Of course the first hour I cleaned, and then thought to myself..what the heck am I doing? Like my mom was telling me, take care of yourself so that you can take care of my Grandchildren! So I got into bed, slept for three hours, and felt much better mentally and physically.

If I didn't have kids, I'd probably sleep constantly through this grief. I just want to jump out of my skin right now. Everyone else seems so happy, and I feel like such a freak because I am so devastated.

I should be sleeping right now, but I can't.

Candice

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Main / Re: Lost my mother unexpectedly two weeks ago today
« on: October 04, 2007, 11:28:52 PM »
Wow, thank you for the quick response Annisa. What a great support system.

Yes, I do feel alone. I love about 1.5 hours away from my dad and siblings. When I'm with my dad and siblings, it doesn't feel as painful as when I am home with my husband and kids. I have three really supportive BEST friends here, that have been here for me for the past two weeks helping me, my husband, and the kids. They are a blessing, but they all still have their mothers and fathers, and although I know they love me, they just cannot understand how painful it feels.

Thursdays are my volunteer days for my kids' school. I was at their school today helping for the first time in two weeks. My daughter's kindergarten class was singing Grand Ole Flag, it was so depressing I wanted to cry out loud. Amazing how a song like that could be depressing.

During the week my son has soccer practice, and my daughter has hula, I am Team Mom for my son's soccer team. I feel like I just want to go in bed and hide under the covers for weeks. I know that my Mom wants me to be there for my kids though, so that is what keeps me going through all of this grief.

It is so hard isn't it? I feel so bad that my kids have to see me so sad. I know that my kids are sad too.

I have to pull them out of school for three days for the services, and I am really freaking out about it. I feel guilty for taking them out of their schedules. I feel like their busy schedules have been a beautiful distraction for them. They were really close to my mom. At least they still have their Grandpa.

Thanks for the support Annisa!!
Candice

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Main / Re: I am so sad!!!
« on: October 04, 2007, 10:53:28 PM »
Hi Julia,

I just lost my mom two weeks ago. My mom and dad were supposed to celebrate their 50th Wedding Anniversary next June. My dad, as all the rest of us are, is devastated.

The funeral services are next week, that's how fresh her death is to us.

My husband, kids, and I live 1.5 hours away from my dad. The kids have school, soccer practice, and hula during the week. Saturdays are soccer games, and Sunday mornings they have cathecism class and church. I have made a decision that no matter what, we are driving out there for the day every Sunday. After everything has settled a bit, we will "kidnap" my dad and bring him out to our house to stay for a week here and there.

An hour away is not that far. You cannot get this time back with your dad. Treasure every moment you can with him, and make sure that the kids are around him a lot. Just make the drive whenever you can. I think that that is the ONLY thing that will keep my dad going, are the grandchildren.

Like I said, I have made a commitment that we're going to drive out every Sunday to spend with my dad. Our drive is 1.5 hours, more with Sunday traffic, but hey that's my dad out there. I will not have him forever.

Get your dad out to your place for weeks at a time. That's what I'm going to do whether he wants to or not. Just so he can be with us and not be alone and sad.




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Main / Lost my mother unexpectedly two weeks ago today
« on: October 04, 2007, 10:40:55 PM »
I lost my sweet mother unexpectedly two weeks ago today. The past 1.5 years had been tragic for my family, because my 74 year old father was brutally attacked and almost murdered. This past year we were in and out of court with the trial putting the maniac who attacked my elder father, away.

Last June it was all over with. We had a great summer and went on many vacations because things were starting to look up again. My dad had a miraculous recovery(the doctors did not expect him to live), the criminal was sentenced to prison, and then my sweet mom dies unexpectedly.

My mom nursed my dad back to health for 1.5 years after the hospital released him. It is so sad. My dad, my siblings, and I are all so devastated from our mother's sudden death.

My mom was 69 and vivacious, energetic, and sweet. She even worked out the morning that she was admitted into the hospital for a mini stroke. Five days after she was admitted, she passed away. It is so tragic. We were blindsided by her death. I always thought that my mom would be old and gray, and she would live with me and I would take care of her. I am only 36, and I thought that I'd have my mom well into my 50's. She was so healthy, ate well, excercised, it doesn't make any sense that she would pass of a major stroke. Two days after her mini stroke, she suffered a major stroke that did major irreversible damage. All the doctors could do was monitor her. She had swelling in her brain. All we could do was watch her die for five days.

It was the hardest thing in the world to have to tell my five year old daughter who calls Grandma her "Best friend" and seven year old son to say goodbye to Grandma because she was going onto heaven and that we wont be able to see her again. They cried their little hearts out.

The funeral services are this coming Monday and Tuesday, and I am getting anxiety attacks as each day gets closer to next week.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I've lost about ten pounds since my mom passed away. I've gone from a junior size 5 to a junior size 3.

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