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Messages - go4jenny

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Sibling Loss / Re: Bottling the pain, need to release some pressure
« on: November 05, 2007, 06:08:31 AM »
Hi "now the youngest",
 I am not a psychology or anything else close to that but I can tell you that just writting down how I am feeling helps more than anything else. Here you are not judged and you dont have to worry about what family and close friends say. Write whatever you are feeling, be it angry, sad, happy...whatever. It really helps me when i just sit down and put what I'm feeling into words. Also I too have had a suicide attempt when I was 17, my sister saved my life. I have never told anyone that...see how easy it is? Talk as much as you need to sweety, you are in my thoughts....Take care Jennifer

Sibling Loss / Re: My Beautiful Baby Sister
« on: November 04, 2007, 08:59:02 AM »
Hey 4kayla, I am so sorry you lost your baby sister, I too had to endure losing mine in a motorcycle accident. She was also pregnant. I think that losing a sibling that is younger than you makes our quilt and grief harder. They where so young and at times life just seems too unfair to endure. Just talk to us as much as you can, I will tell you that this web site has been an absolute life saver. A place to put down your deepest sorrow and thoughts and have such an out reach of support. Dont feel alone because your not sweet heart. Hang in there. I know the pain is hard to endure alone. It has been since july 2nd of this year and i still cant look at her photos without crying. Talk as much as you need to. Take care.... Jennifer

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister
« on: October 29, 2007, 10:04:49 AM »
Man I got goose bumbs... It does make it feel better to know that she is watching him though. I do worry about him when he is with that evil women. I am sorry to hear about your brother, I hate motorcycles now and i'm told i'm being stupid cause it could have happened in any vehicle...I know that, but he was wearing a helmet and she was not, he is alive and she is not. Maybe she would have lived had it been his jaquar he was driving and not a crotch rocket. It's so nice when you can all get along for the sake of the kids so i'm glad you get to still be a family with his children. Hopefully it will always stay that way wether she remarries or not. Thanks for the comment! Jennifer

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister....update
« on: October 28, 2007, 06:27:03 AM »
I wanted to let everyone know that Kalep went before the circuit court for an indictment on his june 22 arrest. They did indict him and the commenwealth attorney gave him a P.F.O. so that added 20 years to his sentence. I was very pleased about that! They are still working on my sisters case but atleast he is behind bars where he will not be able to get behind the wheel and kill someone else nor can he sell drugs to our children. I am still having a hard time with her death. I spent some time with her son last week and he freaked me out. He too is having dreams about brandie. He is only two... but he told me his mommy picked him up and took to mcdonalds and got him some french fries and chicken nuggets, (which she did all the time when she was alive). It was weird but I feel like she is watching over him. Brandie was a live-by-the-moment kinda girl and she would just get up and do what she wanted on a whim no matter what time it was. So midnight runs to mcdonalds was normal for her and her son remembers. I am so happy about that! We still haven't got custody of him but we are still fighting. Atlaest we have the visitation with him on a regular basis. I am really thankfull for all of your kind words and support.

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister
« on: October 10, 2007, 05:19:38 AM »
Thankyou lonnie and hummingbird. It has been a stressfull week for my family, we are still waiting for him to be charged and that is just so hard, hurry up and wait...... I'm not sure it will make me sleep thru the night but I know i will feel like my sister had justice if they make him pay for what he did. I dont understand the laws and why they protect the criminal more than the victem but they truelly do. I hope that after it's all said and done that we are succesfull in making a more stict helmet law and a fair dui law where the state has a easier way to procecute offenders that drive while impaired. Did you know that a person in Kentucky can have five dui's in a five year span and still have their lisence? That is scarey. They should atleast have a special lisence plate on their car that tells other people to be caustous around that vehicle. Thankyou all for your kind words, you have helped me more than I can say.

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister
« on: October 05, 2007, 04:25:18 PM »
Thankyou jazzgirl for you r prayers. My sister has a two year old son that she left behind and she was 26 weeks pregnant with a baby girl when she got killed. This has been absolutly the worst pain I have ever experienced, I cant imagine how you must have felt losing two family members. You said people deal with pain differently through drugs..ect, but I cant find a way past my own pain that wont make everyone around me suffer. I dont particularly believe in god, my kids do and thats ok, but I stopped believing a long time ago, I cant do drugs, never could drink, pills are not for me so whats the solution? To just die so that we are not in pain? There has got to be a better way, there has to be a way to get through the bad days so you can enjoy the good ones without all the things that hurt you and everyone you love. I am tryin to find my own solution and I am finding myself more lost than anything. How did you get yourself to just keep living when inside you are just feel dead?

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister
« on: September 21, 2007, 08:02:48 AM »
Hey thanks everyone. We went to court monday and lost :(.... but we arn't done fighting for custody of her little boy, we did get visitation rights so atleast theirs that! We got to spend time with him yesterday for the first time since aug,04 it was nice. Kaleps next court date is the 25...cross your fingers for us, we want him to stay in prison the rest of his life!!!!

Sibling Loss / Re: almost a year for Boo too!
« on: September 02, 2007, 04:23:52 AM »
Dear tina,
 I could not believe my eyes reading your story, Mine is so similer I could have just replaced your relatives names with mine. My sister sounds so much like yours, I do tried and tried to get her help. She did finally get cleaned up do to her pregnancy only to be killed by her sons daddy because he was high on cocaine when he offered her a ride. She got clean just to be killed by drugs anyway and my mother, her father, our sisters or other family members did nothing to help her when they could have. So many times. She stayed lost and loney her whole life and it had alot to do with our entire family and their judgmental crap, but mostly my mother was brandies biggest disappointment and sadness and lonilyness in this world and feeling unloved by the one person that could have made all the difference. If your mother doesnt love you then who does? I miss her so much and I too feel like I failed her. Even the place you buried your sister is similer to mine. I have no advise for you as I too am a walking mess right now but know you are not alone.... Take care hon

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister
« on: September 01, 2007, 10:51:36 AM »
Here is a poem I wrote my sister, I wanted to share.                                   My Sister
My heart is broken, I cant stop crying,
I miss you so much, Inside Iím dying.
I sit at your grave, I wish I died too.
How can I move on? I wish I knew.
I miss your laugh and your gangster talk,
The way you smiled, the way you walked.
You were so special, Youíd light up the room,
Like a beautiful flower always in bloom.
I know you stayed sad, Always on the run,
Looking for a party or the next bit of fun.
Like a souring bird with no where to rest,
Searching and searching for your own little nest.
Iím so sorry you felt so alone,
All the answers, I wish Iíd known.
The friendship and secrets we never shared,
Just deepens my sorrow and my dispair.
I cant do it over, Itís just to late,
No second chances, Thatís what I hate!
So many things I should have said,
So many Iím sorryís in my head.
Truth and time always tell,
With you my sweet sister, I have failed.
Drugs and men, the great escape,
Down a spiral to meet your fate.
You hid from it all, to no avail,
A chosen destiny, certain to fail.
I cradled your daughter and stroked her hair,
She looked just like you, Itís just not fair!
I know you both are finally at peace,
You got what you needed, to be released.
I will always keep your memory alive,
Your son will know you and never be deprived.
I wish we could talk, just one last time,
Iím having dreams about you, are they a sign?
I wish I knew what you were trying to say,
Maybe Iíll understand, some time, some day.
I will just keep trying to figuire it out,
Just know I loved you without a doubt.
The thin thread that held us togather,
Has finally broken and gone forever.
Sisters now, sisters then,
Friends forever till we meet again.

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister
« on: August 30, 2007, 03:16:07 PM »
I hope so too for your and the boys sake, It's just not fair. I will never understand why people do these things, it's not like you can have too many people loving a child so I truelly dont understand. We found out today that the boy that killed my sisters mother had filed to be my sisters excuter of her estate and swore and signed papers that my sister brandie had no living relatives and that she was all that was left, and she is not related at all! Can you believe that? Brandie has 4 sisters, 2 brothers, both her parents are alive and grand parents, aunts uncles, so many living relatives and she did it anyway. Now we got her going to court on the 10 of september for fraud. Things to come back around when you do evil things and she is going to get hers and I believe in time so will your brothers ex...

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister
« on: August 23, 2007, 03:27:12 PM »
It is hard, does the ex do malicous things to you on top of it? She tried to file an epo on us for just calling to get visitaion with brandies son. I dont understand how people can be so evil and it was her son that killed my sister. It truely feels like we just keep getting blows from everywhere. I wish my family were closer so that we could sort it out togather, but wishing it never makes it come true. I feel drained from all the court dates and meetings with homicide detectives and police officers. I feel like i'm going to pull my hair out. If I have to go years without seeing her child I will nut up....he is all we have left of my beautifull sister and I want him to remember her. This women has the child calling her mommy and it just breaks my heart!

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister
« on: August 16, 2007, 05:18:21 PM »
I an getting better I think... I noticed that my moods were affecting my kids moods and they are starting to be cranky and sad for no reason. I think they have seen me upset for longer than I have ever stayed down and they are copying my actions. I still feel sad all the time but I am trying to hide it when my kids are home. I know things will get better once they charge that man and we can get my nephew back. His family is keeping him from us and he is all we have left of my sister. She sang to me on a text message that she sent to me 2 days before she died.... she sings "i've been thinking about you" so I get to hear her voice forever. I also found home videos but I cant quit get through them yet...It's to raw to see her so vibrent and alive snuggling her little boy. Thankyou all for your comments

Sibling Loss / Re: loss of my brother
« on: August 07, 2007, 08:51:49 AM »
I too came here for support and your story is so close to mine, It is effecting everthing in my life to and i'm finding myself very detached from the rest of the people I truelly love. I am sorry I have no sound advise for you, I am as lost, but I can listen. So sorry for your pain, death just changes everything.

Sibling Loss / Re: I lost my baby sister
« on: August 07, 2007, 08:46:25 AM »
Thankyou all for your kind words. I have to be honest and say my kids aren't getting the attention they deserve from me. I cant sleep I am not eating right. I cant seem to stay focused on anything. I sit at her grave and wish with all my heart I was down there with her and her baby. I never got to tell her goodbye, that I loved her or anything..she was just gone. It is so hard to just try to go on and live your life when such a huge part of it was taken. I feel so lost and sad and hopeless. I feel anger toward the man that killed them because he doesnt feel like he did anything wrong, it was an accident. NO it was not... he chose to drive high and chose to take her life in his hands by doing so, that is not an accident. Would I feel better if he felt remorse? I dont know. I just hate him with all my heart. I wish that I had someone to help me thru this grief but all my family are griving themselves. Thankyou for this site i truelly needed someone to talk to.

Sibling Loss / I lost my baby sister
« on: August 05, 2007, 05:33:45 PM »
I lost my 25 year old sister and her 26 week unborn child due to a motorcycle accident on July 02 07. The baby died the 2nd  and my sister on the 3rd. She was not wearing a helmet and the boy who was driving was. She died, he got scratches. We found out he was high on cocaine but because of how the laws are written they have to have an extensive investigation to prove he was high enough to be charged. He also has no insurance, no motorcycle lisence, and had been busted selling cocaine 7 days before he killed my sister. Lost his jaguar, had no insurance then either, fled from police on foot, There were lots of charges. What makes all this so hard to except is that he is not being charged right now and we cant move on until he does. My mom, twin sister and brother went out yesterday for her birthday, she would have been 26 years old. I am finding it hard to do my day to day things, raising my three children and focusing on them, getting them ready for school to start and then there is my sisters 2 year old son she left behind too. I love that little boy, he lost his mother and his dad will probably go to jail. It has been so hard waiting on the police to tell us if this man is going to get away with doing this to my sister. I dont think I will be able to handle him not being held responable for murdering two people. Anyone out there with any aadvise to keep me sane?

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