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Messages - John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

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Child Loss / Re: Facebook
« on: May 08, 2010, 05:49:18 PM »
 I am also on there...
John Plourde

Child Loss / Mothers Day...
« on: May 08, 2010, 05:46:27 PM »
Dearest Grieving Moms,

You are all in my deepest thoughts and prayers on this difficult "holiday". I don't have any magic words to take away your pain and longing to hold your beloved son or daughter again. Just know that I care and wish you all a peaceful day surrounded by loving family and many signs from your son or daughter sent from Heaven above.

Always on our minds and forever in our hearts.

Wishing You All Comfort & Peace On The "Journey",
Forever Danielle Marie’s Daddy
1/4/95-2/20/06 (head trauma-motor vehicle accident)
In Loving Memory Of Danielle-Marie
“Her friendship was an inspiration, her love a blessing”

Child Loss / What I have been doing...
« on: April 09, 2010, 07:06:37 AM »
Hello Everyone,
During my absence from here I have been very busy.
My family and I are STILL in Civil Litigation against the truck driver and the truck company who were also responsible for the horrible accident that caused the death of Danielle.
There have been MANY, MANY phone conferences, depositions, emailing and reviewing of documents over the past several months. I have not yet been able to put this terrible 2 week period to rest. We are hoping for a settlement or court decision this year.

Another thing I have been busy doing is completing a web site for the Bereaved Parents support that my wife, Bernice and I have been attending for 3 years now.
It is The Bereaved Parents of the USA, Cromwell, CT Chapter.
Please take time to visit our site and learn more about our precious children
Please share this link with anyone you feel will benefit.
If you know a bereaved parent(s) in the state of Connecticut, PLEASE send this link to them.

You can also find this group on Face Book also:

Here is my personal Face Book Link:!/profile.php?id=896255200

Please visit me and add me as your friend.

On a more positive note: my 17 year old son is now a Senior in high school, he is getting his driver’s license, he was also accepted into college for the fall of 2010 and is in the process of completing his Eagle Scout requirements. He will receive this highest Scouting Rank in June. We are so PROUD of him. He continues to be a great help and has matured into a wonderful, loving young man.

I will post more later…
I hope everyone has a relaxing and peaceful weekend.

more later…
I hope everyone has a relaxing and peaceful weekend.


Child Loss / Re: Feeling Totally Useless and a Burden
« on: April 08, 2010, 12:39:54 PM »
My Friend in Grief Don,

I wish that I could wrap my arms around and hug your pain away. You are a wonderful, warm and caring person and I want you to know that I TRULY care and UNDERSTAND your pain and anguish. Please don’t GIVE-UP! I am sure that Don is crying as he sees his loving dad suffering so much.
I am so very sorry that you are having such a difficult time as you approach the 6th anniversary of your beloved son, Donny’s death. When I first joined this wonderful support board, you were a source of inspiration to me and I treasure your friendship as we travel along this relentless “journey” of grief. I can’t imagine what you have gone through over the past 6 years after finding your beloved son that day he could find no other solution, but to take his own life.
I wish there was something to life this terrible pain and burden from our life and bring our precious sons and daughters back to us.

I want to share with you part my journey after the death of Danielle Marie…
When I found out that my daughter, Danielle Marie had been killed in that horrible accident, I felt my whole world crumble. Everything that I held sacred in my life and family was now shattered. I understand COMPLETELY about feeling “useless” and being a “burden” I too have felt this way and even have had many thoughts of suicide. The devastating pain, anguish and disbelief consumed my very soul and it took every ounce of energy and shear will that I possessed not to take my own life.
The thought of my daughter being alone in death, not knowing why she died or that she was missed was a horrible feeling and all I could think of was that as her father, it was my responsibility to search for her (even in death) and console her and reassure her that she is loved and that her death was not her fault.
While it is impossible for those who have not suffered the death of a child to grasp the emotional, mental and physical pain related to a child’s death, the loss that our family has had to endure because of Danielle’s untimely, senseless and traumatic death has been a horrible nightmare.
Even now, 4 years later, each day, I'm hurting, and I don't understand! What reason? Why do we have to endure such pain? What could be the reason? Are we to feel better when we know why all this happened to us? Still, why me? My precious daughter, Danielle, WHY? I dread tomorrow! And all the memories of that day, when they told me that horrible news that no parent EVER wants to hear. Where is she I ask? Is she ok? And all they could do was look down, and try to comfort me. I remember the screaming and my stomach hurting me so badly I had to vomit, the pain brought me to my knees, and I begged and begged that it wasn't true!! OH GOD NO!!!! Please NO!!! But it happened, and there is NOTHING I can do about it! Nothing!!! So I'll wake everyday, without a cause, just to fill up a date in time, and wait, and wait, till my time comes to see where Danielle is. I'm sorry for all this emotion, I just can't take it sometimes, the pretending is wearing off, and my mask is getting soaked. I just don't understand!! Why LORD? Why were we picked? Why us?
 Don, this is the terrible part of the journey where “REALITY” is the most difficult thing to face after the death of your handsome son, Donny. Everything that happens in your life now if amplified a million times, hurts more than you can ever be ready for and feels like the weight of the whole world is on your back.
I wanted to share with you that I felt many of the same feelings that you are feeling now. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never see the light of day again.
In December of 2006, I knew that I needed help with how I was feeling. I contacted my physician about my deep depression and anxiety. He saw me immediately and we talked about the events and how I was “coping” over the past year. We talked about how I was performing my work, home and family duties and became concerned when I informed him about how I was feeling inadequate as a husband and father and that I had thoughts of suicide several times over the past year.
I have been on this medication since December of 2006 and continue to take when needed. It has helped tremendously with my depression and anxiety. I still have those “VERY BAD” days when NOTHING helps, but now I have more energy and realize that I need to be here for my wife, son and the rest of my family.

Thank you SO MUCH for allowing me to share my feelings with you. I pray that you find some peace and comfort in your shattered life. Please know you and your son, Donny are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Yours in Grief,

Child Loss / Reintroduction of myself...
« on: April 08, 2010, 12:08:00 PM »
My dearest Friends in Grief,

It has been a long time since I have actively participated in this support group. As much as I want life to stand still, life just seems to move too quickly and I find myself loosing touch certain things that have been of great comfort to me over the past 4 years.
So today I thought I would introduce myself and hope to be a more regular participant in this wonderful and supportive group.
It was Monday, February 20, 2006 at 12:45 pm when I received a phone call from a social worker from Harrington memorial Hospital in Southbridge Massachusetts. I was told that my family was in a “very serious” automobile accident and that I needed to get there as quickly as possible. I was told of Danielle Marie’s death after I arrived there 1 hour later. I was taken into “the room” with the ER resident, the head nurse and a social worker. Based on my experience of working in the ER as an aid and EMT, these types of rooms were only used for ONE thing, to tell a family that a family member is dead or will die. I KNEW that someone was dead, I did not know who. I knew that my son was alive because, I was able to see him when I arrived in the emergency room. I asked about my wife and daughter and was told that my wife, Bernice was being flown to UMASS Memorial Hospital with a critical head injury. I asked, “what about my daughter, Danielle?”
The ER resident placed his hand on my shoulder and with tears in his eyes, said to me, “I am very sorry, your daughter died at the accident site as a result of her injuries.” I put my head into my hands and screamed...”GOD, PLEASE NO, NOT MY BABY GIRL!” “PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!”
I went into the bathroom and threw-up.
After, I went into Jonathan’s room, took him by the hands and told him the most horrific news he will EVER hear in his life, “your sister Danielle is dead.” I started to make several phone calls to family and friends to tell them the horrible news and tried to get an update on my wife. I was told that she had been stabilized but was still in critical condition.
I spent the next couple of hours at the police station in Sturbridge. The station commander, Lt. Ford was very kind and gave me his version of what the investigation initially showed happened. He offered his deepest condolences over the death of Danielle. He also told me, “I know that this will be hard for you to hear, but I want you to know that it appears that she died instantly and did not suffer.” He also asked if he could interview Jonathan due to the fact that he was an eyewitness of the accident. I gave the OK and told Jonathan to just tell them what he remembers. At around 5pm, we were taken by one of the officers to UMASS memorial hospital.  As I remember by this time, I kept saying…”I can’t believe Danielle is gone.”  I have not shed any tears as of yet also…in shock maybe, or in disbelief…probably.
It just did not seem real.
When we arrived at UMASS hospital, we were met by two policemen who escorted us to the ICU waiting room where Bernice’s mom, sister and husband were waiting. At this time I broke down, fell into Joanne’s arms wept uncontrollably. I told her, “my baby is dead, my beautiful daughter is dead!”
I haven’t stopped crying since.
Then we were met by the nurse supervisor, the doctor and the hospital chaplain. They all extended their sympathies and let me know that if I needed anything to just ask.
We asked about the condition of Bernice and we were told she had suffered a severe head injury and was in the ICU on a ventilator, several IVs and was now restrained so she would not pull her lines. As we went into see her, I again fell to my knees in tears as I could not believe that this was my wife lying here in the ICU bed fighting for her life. I kissed her n her head and told her, “I love you very much.”
We were told that Bernice had an internal bleeding and swelling on her brain and that she would remain critical and that if needed, they may have to perform surgery to relieve the pressure. The next 24-48 hours were VERY critical and that she may or may not survive the night.
I was asked to fill out several forms, make several phone calls and answer endless questions to help the medical staff prepare her chart and if needed perform the necessary actions to help her survive. I just seemed to be in a fog as I did things that I never thought I would have to do.
Mom, Joanne and Dave, thankfully took care of Jonathan for me while I was trying to get a grip on what the HELL was happening. They would not leave my side and were there if I needed anything. I really don’t know how I would have survived without them. Later that night, we had to take Jonathan to the local Wal Mart to get him some new clothes. His were all cut off him at the accident and his coat and sneakers had blood, glass and other “matter” on it. I did NOT want him wearing this “reminder” of what happened.
Marie’s family will NEVER share the experience of watching her grow into a teen, graduate high school, mature into a young adult and finally a wonderful, loving woman. We will never experience the joy of helping guide her through her life, answering her questions, supporting and helping her through the “growing pains” that we all must face. We will never watch her experience the happiness and heartbreak of falling in love; perhaps getting married and becoming a mother and raising her own children. Our future with our beloved daughter was RECKLESSLY AND ABRUPTULY STOLEN from us that terrible day.
On Saturday March 25, 2006 we said our final goodbyes to our beautiful, wonderful, young daughter as we buried her. Danielle Marie was a huge part of our lives, which was taken away that day and can never be replaced. We will miss Danielle Marie each and every day. There is not a day that goes by without a reminder or reliving some terrible memory from this horrible day in our families’ life. This NIGHTMARE will forever be embedded in my memory and I will nerve forget the devastation and helplessness that I felt that day.

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:

Child Loss / Been a While...
« on: February 01, 2010, 06:49:07 AM »
Hello my dearest friends in Grief,
Wow, it has been a while…
I just wanted to stop by to say hello and to let my dear friends that we are doing ok...(for the most part) and that I miss all of you here.
If you happen to be relatively "new" to this wonderful support board...I am truly sorry for the reason you have to be here. The death of a child (as we all know) is the most devastating and painful experience we can ever imagine. We are now living every parent’s worst nightmare; yet, we are living proof that we can go on when such a terrible event changes our life.
To my existing friends here, I miss you and love you all very dearly. You are and continue to be such an inspiration to me and I know you will continue to provide support and comfort always. I hope to be more active in the upcoming weeks and hope to "catch up" on my reading.
May we all be blessed with a special warm memory of our beloved child each day and may we all share our grief with each other...hand-in-hand and heart-to heart.

With deepest compassion,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:

Child Loss / February Birthdays and Angelversarys
« on: February 01, 2010, 06:46:04 AM »
My Dearest Friends,
I want to wish all of you and your precious angels who are celebrating a birthday or an angelversary in February much peace, comfort and continued healing.

A VERY Happy Birthday to all our beloved angels born in February. May your parents find peace and comfort on these special dates. Help wipe the tears of sadness from their eyes and bring a smile of warmth and comfort with a happy memory of your precious life.
Moms and Dads, may you cherish your precious angel’s memories. Be kind to yourself and I hope a smile will warm your heart as you remember all the wonderful times you spent with your children while they were here on earth with you. They are watching over you and protecting you. They are forever in your hearts.

For those beautiful sons and daughters who have angel dates during the month of February, know that you are loved and in our hearts forever.
To the parents and families of these angels, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Try and find some peace and tranquility on this day. Do something special in memory of your child, celebrate their lives, and keep their memories alive. Remember someday we will be with our angels again. They are free spirits. I want you all to know that I will keep you all in my prayers. Our children are always with us.
They may be gone, but NEVER forgotten. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I offer you the deepest and most sincere love, friendship, comfort and compassion.

Take care and God bless each and every one of you and your precious angels!

John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:

Child Loss / Re: Wondering About
« on: July 14, 2009, 10:04:23 AM »
Hello All,
     I for one have been in and out of here over the past several months. I too missed all of the many wonderful people who were so strong and comforting to me early in 2006 after Danielle Marie died.
     I think for me, I just needed time away from all the deep, suffering and terrible stories of our beloved children and their grieving parents. I felt that I could not get myself past my own personal challenges of grief if I was constantly reminded of so many others suffering...I know that you are here, and I will always pray for you and your beloved child.
     I will still post from time to time and I am always sorry to see another parent or family member reach out in need over the death of a son or daughter (I know there are others who are aunts and uncles too)... I am truly sorry for all your losses and the terrible pain that we have to endure each day.
     My wife and I are STILL in civil litigations over the accident that killed my daughter, so my focus is elsewhere these days. I hope everyone is having a peaceful summer and you have many happy memories of your beloved child.

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:

Child Loss / Re: One year ago tonight
« on: July 01, 2009, 09:26:03 AM »
Keeping you and your family close in thought and prayer and you remember your son, Patrick.
I hope the sadness of the first memorial is replaced by happy memories of your son, Patrick.

Wishing you Peace today,

Child Loss / The Butterfly's Struggle
« on: June 29, 2009, 09:07:33 AM »
The Butterfly's Struggle
by Tony Masiello

What do butterflies have in common with the human spirit? Meet Maggie, a middle aged wife and mother who was about to find out.

Maggie wasn’t rich like a millionaire or poor in a manner of being homeless. She was living an average comfortable life. It was made even better when a beautiful baby girl came her way. She and her husband made sure their daughter had her needs met and they were still able to take a yearly vacation by the beach.

Maggie was a partner in her husband’s business. They both had a different set of duties which kept everything in balance. One day a devastating blow came to her husband’s business, and over a three year period the business dropped out of site. Her husband had to totally reinvent himself and was yearning to fulfill a dream with a new vocation. She was happy for him and supported him fully, but still the money was not coming in.

Maggie began to feel guilty that she wasn’t contributing with any kind of income. It had been a long time since she had worked outside the home and had to work for someone else. Needless to say she was scared but still had faith that everything would be okay. She began job hunting and found filling out applications somewhat difficult, especially the part asking for job references. Keep in mind that she was self-employed with her husband for almost 20 years. It felt as though that didn’t count for anything as she was never
called for an interview.

At the time she was job hunting her mom became more ill than she had been and ended up in the hospital for a week. Once Maggie’s mom returned home she became her mom’s helper one day a week. She did the shopping, changed sheets, vacuumed and did other things that her mother was not able to do anymore. Of course her mom would pay her for her time and labor but she still felt she needed to find another source of income.

One of the first applications she had filled out finally came through. She passed the interview with flying colors and was told she was “exactly” what they were looking for. Although it was only part time it was exactly what she wanted. It was important for her to be home when her daughter arrived home from school. She was told they would be in touch when the schedule was ready. Knowing she had the job made her feel contented and productive again.

Within a few weeks though, she received an e-mail saying that the company had changed the job into a full time position and she was not qualified. Maggie was devastated. She felt betrayed and felt she had been lied to. That evening she was alone as her husband and daughter had gone out for the night. She welcomed the aloneness and wanted to drown her sorrows in a hot tub of bubbles.

As she knew she would, she began to cry, softly at first just from the sheer pain of being rejected. Three long years of struggle had finally caught up with her. Then she became angry; angry at everything from the circumstances that got her there, to God himself. She cried harder and yelled, “What do you want me to do?” She really felt that God had abandoned her. When she was able to cry no more, she became exhausted and gave up. It was at that moment that a silent idea came to her to offer other elderly people home care assistance.

Using another talent for computers she printed off some flyers and cards and distributed them to her church, grocery stores and even placed a small ad in the newspaper. Within a week she had procured two new clients.

Now, even though she’s not a CEO of a major company or a power player she feels happy and productive again. So, had God really abandoned her? Let’s look at nature for the lessons and the answer.

Before a butterfly can emerge out of it’s chrysalis it has to go through a lot of struggling. Yes, struggling. Each time it lunges out to escape, acids are being removed from its wings. If someone were to come along and break the chrysalis open for it then the butterfly would die from those acids. In essence the struggle is necessary for the butterfly to survive. Then in the stillness, when the struggle is over, the butterfly can come out and share its beauty with the world.

We as humans are not any different. There are times that we need to struggle, to rid ourselves of the acids that make up sadness, fear, and anger. It is only at this time when we are exhausted and still that we begin to hear the Universe whisper to us.

by Tony Masiello 2006

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:

Child Loss / Reasons to live
« on: June 29, 2009, 09:06:32 AM »
Reasons to live
By Stacy Varner

I need to live because life, no matter how difficult, no matter how painful,
is a gift, a blessing and an obligation.

I need to live because in the stillness of the ebony nights of this oft tortured soul I find the need to call upon courage to use my God-given abilities and talents to do all that I can to make a difference in this world by being, sharing, breathing and finding compassion in this far too often cruel and selfish world.

I need to live because above all gifts that can be gifted to one person I have the gift of love in abundance; to give it and receive it. Love can move mountains and can, in time, dress and soothe the naked crying soul.

I need to live because I am a thread that is woven into the fabric of so many lives. One that if yanked from existence would leave a less adequate quilt to warm the hearts of my loved ones and touch the souls of others. We all are this thread.

I need to live because I have a responsibility to my creator and to my soul to fulfill my destiny.

I need to live because I am alive and everything that happens in this life enriches my eternity.

I need to live because until my last breath I will write, paint or speak of "chosen" death, depression, the unique ensuing grief and the arcane cultural mores that contribute to and follow them will be brought to the forefront and discussed in the hope that one day our societies will refrain from shying away from these subjects for sake of political correctness, religious deference or sheer cowardice.

I need to live because I must.

I need to live because I am.

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:

Child Loss / Inspiration: Please Be Gentle
« on: June 29, 2009, 09:02:01 AM »
(Inspiration) Please Be Gentle

"Please Be Gentle"
An After Loss Creed by Jill Engler

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one, and the shore seems miles away.

Waves of despair numb my soul as
I struggle through each day.

My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and scream and repeatedly ask, "WHY?"

At times, my grief overwhelms me,
and I weep bitterly, so great is my loss.

Please don't turn away or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain before I can begin to heal.

Companion me through my tears and sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in my journey, not where you think I should be.

Listen patiently to my story. I may need to tell it over and over again.
It's how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.

Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.

A small flame still burns within my heart,
and shared memories may trigger both laughter and tears.

I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I must find my own path.

Please, will you walk beside me?

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:

Child Loss / Inspiration: Sometimes We Need to Fall Apart
« on: June 29, 2009, 09:01:08 AM »
Sometimes We Need to Fall Apart

By Vicki Windham

We don't always have to be strong.
Sometimes our strength is expressed in being vulnerable.
Sometimes we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.

We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt,
cannot stop focusing on fear,

There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible.
Occasionally, we don't want to get out of our pajamas.

Sometimes we cry in front of people.
We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.
Those days are okay.
They are just okay.

Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart"
when we need to.
We do not need to be perpetual towers of strength.

We ARE strong. We have proven that.
Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared,
weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.

Today, help me to know that is it okay to allow myself to be human.
Help me not to feel guilty or punish myself when I need to "fall apart."

"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage."

by Vicki Windham, NE Platte NE Chapter TCF

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:

Child Loss / Inspiration: In Life and Death: Making Assumptions
« on: June 29, 2009, 08:59:36 AM »
In Life and Death: Making Assumptions
By Joe Primo

Assuming people's feelings can lead to embarrassing gaffes in many situations -- when something is lost or gained, when a baby is born or when someone dies.

We tend to believe that losing is always bad and gaining is always good.
But I know many new moms experience profound sadness over the loss of their
old lifestyle, feeling their career dreams and freedoms dissipated with the birth of their new little bundle of "joy."

Similarly, I've heard children express gratitude that a parent died because that parent was abusive or unavailable to them. I've heard losers rejoice because they finally get to rest their bodies and minds, no longer having to pursue a victory.

Often times, I think we would be more available to each other if we ditched the "Oh that is so wonderful!" and "I'm so sorry!" choruses that follow major life events. I prefer words like "You're a new mom! What has it been like for you?" or "You're dad died. How has it been going?" Sometimes I might get a hostile response -- "What do you think?!?" -- but then I clarify, "I'm not sure, that's why I'm asking."

I think it is easy to put value statements on events: good or bad. It takes the pressure off of us. Rather than opening ourselves to the wide variety of responses we might hear -- especially uncomfortable ones -- we often diffuse the situation with our assumptions.
I doubt that it's intentional, but when we make assumptions, even if they're minor, we can enhance a person's pain.

Imagine the woman who cares for her dying husband at home. When he dies, everyone tells her she must be so sad, things must be so hard. But, actually, she is relieved that it is finally over. People might cause her a lot of guilt and confusion because she feels one way while they assume she feels something else.

Our assumptions on are shaped by our personal experiences or feelings about what is "the norm." But if we allow people to tell their story, and to express themselves without judgment or assumption, we will find that there are few collective norms, and that every person's story and experience is as unique as their fingerprints.

by Joe Primo/Good Grief

Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website:

Child Loss / Re: Reasons to Survive
« on: June 17, 2009, 09:16:41 AM »
Not at all...It is a wonderful help to others if we can share what helps us get through another day.


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