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1
Main / Re: My Life today
« on: March 05, 2008, 04:04:17 PM »
Thank you for posting that message. It doesn't matter if we have lost a child or spouse or someone else, it says it all.
Elaine
Elaine
2
Main / Re: Up coming Anniv.
« on: March 04, 2008, 06:56:17 PM »
When Clarence died 14 months ago on Dec. 20th., we had been married for 39 years. Four months later April 8th would have been out 40th. I know how you feel, as it was a very difficult day. As it happened it fell on Easter Sunday, and the grandchildren were over because the easter bunny had hid some eggs for them. It was a very difficult day to get through and at the end of the day, when everyone had gone home, I sat and wished Clarence a Happy Anniversary, crying the whole time.
The first anniversary of his death was a day filled with mixed emotions. Reality had finally set in that he was not coming home and the days have been quite difficult and I am trying my best to get through them. I am trying everyday to accept how things will be but wanted to let you know you are not alone in getting upset over the upcoming wedding anniversary, and the one year date.
When the day of the anniversary and the first year date had passed I told myself that it was another hurdle that I had jumped over.
Elaine
The first anniversary of his death was a day filled with mixed emotions. Reality had finally set in that he was not coming home and the days have been quite difficult and I am trying my best to get through them. I am trying everyday to accept how things will be but wanted to let you know you are not alone in getting upset over the upcoming wedding anniversary, and the one year date.
When the day of the anniversary and the first year date had passed I told myself that it was another hurdle that I had jumped over.
Elaine
3
Main / Re: Survived???
« on: February 11, 2008, 03:26:09 PM »
I can't believe someone would tell you not to talk about your mom. I guess that person hasn't gone through it. We have to talk about the person we lost. When my mom died way back in the year 1980, I talked about her constantly to my husband, the kids and her sisters, it was something that I had to do. Gosh, I still bring up her name in the conversation occasionally.
Now that I have lost my husband, going on nearly 14 months now, I still talk about him and I am on websites where it is so nice to have met people going through what you are and are always there for one another. We all need that much needed support.
Elaine
Now that I have lost my husband, going on nearly 14 months now, I still talk about him and I am on websites where it is so nice to have met people going through what you are and are always there for one another. We all need that much needed support.
Elaine
4
Main / Re: Dating again!!!
« on: February 11, 2008, 11:18:02 AM »
Hello,could I add what I have to say. Now don't get me wrong, I am not critizing[spelling] you.
The last year with Suzy on the downward spiral of drugs and alcohol certainly would have been stressful. Now with a combination of that and her death only 5 and 1/2 weeks ago, you're emotions are running at a high. You are still in a state of shock and may I just say, take things slow. I don't know how well you know AJ but things could suddenly go sour and you would be dealing with that plus the grief of losing Suzy.... not a fun combination.
I personally think you need to take time out to grieve for Suzy. Good luck and I hope you will be okay.
Elaine
The last year with Suzy on the downward spiral of drugs and alcohol certainly would have been stressful. Now with a combination of that and her death only 5 and 1/2 weeks ago, you're emotions are running at a high. You are still in a state of shock and may I just say, take things slow. I don't know how well you know AJ but things could suddenly go sour and you would be dealing with that plus the grief of losing Suzy.... not a fun combination.
I personally think you need to take time out to grieve for Suzy. Good luck and I hope you will be okay.
Elaine
5
Main / Re: having a hard weekend
« on: January 21, 2008, 02:45:41 PM »
Mt2186,
Reality has started to set and and it hits hard. All your feelings are perfectly normal. It has been 1 year for me on the 20th of Dec., and I still have bad days, and crying out bursts. I have also been told that it has been one year and I need to move on. Those people that tell me this can move on to the nearest bridge and jump off. People who have never experienced a loss have no idea what so ever of what they are talking about.
Grieving can give us stomach pain, intestional upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy. We can also get feelings of heaviness, aches and pains and other ailments related to stress. There is also no time limit for grieving. Do as I do , just take one day at a time, that's all you can do.
Elaine
Reality has started to set and and it hits hard. All your feelings are perfectly normal. It has been 1 year for me on the 20th of Dec., and I still have bad days, and crying out bursts. I have also been told that it has been one year and I need to move on. Those people that tell me this can move on to the nearest bridge and jump off. People who have never experienced a loss have no idea what so ever of what they are talking about.
Grieving can give us stomach pain, intestional upsets, sleep disturbances and loss of energy. We can also get feelings of heaviness, aches and pains and other ailments related to stress. There is also no time limit for grieving. Do as I do , just take one day at a time, that's all you can do.
Elaine
6
Main / Re: day started off good
« on: January 21, 2008, 02:33:15 PM »
Hello Mak,
Good idea getting a will done. When my husband Clarence died he never had a will. It was always something that he would get to later, that he had lots of time he was only 67, why hurry. Well, when he died the first question asked by anyone where I had to have paper work down was, did he have a will?
After everything was settled, I had a will done. I had 3 of them done, advised by the lawyer to do so now to save money. The first was the usual last will and testament. The second was for if I was hospitalized and there was no hope, not to revive me. The third was if I have to be put in a nursing home, or extended care, and unable to make decisions for myself, that possibly the house would have to be sold and the money from the sale be put into my account to make sure there would be enough funds for payment for the nursing home. If I hadn't had this done and the house had to be sold, then the kids would have to hire a lawyer to go to court and have permission from the courts to have the house sold. This could take up to 3 month and cost over $1000, so for the cost of $300 all wills got done.
I know how you feel when you appear to have a good day and something goes wrong. We had very strong winds and I have a fence post that needs to be replaced but with the ground being frozen, impossible till spring thaw and the winds blew that portion of the fence in. I panicked because my husband took care of all those things and I didn't want to lose the dogs getting out of the yard when I put them out. Lucky my son was able to help me. It did put a damper on the day, so I am right with you feeling like you did.
Didn't mean to write a book, take care
Elaine
Good idea getting a will done. When my husband Clarence died he never had a will. It was always something that he would get to later, that he had lots of time he was only 67, why hurry. Well, when he died the first question asked by anyone where I had to have paper work down was, did he have a will?
After everything was settled, I had a will done. I had 3 of them done, advised by the lawyer to do so now to save money. The first was the usual last will and testament. The second was for if I was hospitalized and there was no hope, not to revive me. The third was if I have to be put in a nursing home, or extended care, and unable to make decisions for myself, that possibly the house would have to be sold and the money from the sale be put into my account to make sure there would be enough funds for payment for the nursing home. If I hadn't had this done and the house had to be sold, then the kids would have to hire a lawyer to go to court and have permission from the courts to have the house sold. This could take up to 3 month and cost over $1000, so for the cost of $300 all wills got done.
I know how you feel when you appear to have a good day and something goes wrong. We had very strong winds and I have a fence post that needs to be replaced but with the ground being frozen, impossible till spring thaw and the winds blew that portion of the fence in. I panicked because my husband took care of all those things and I didn't want to lose the dogs getting out of the yard when I put them out. Lucky my son was able to help me. It did put a damper on the day, so I am right with you feeling like you did.
Didn't mean to write a book, take care
Elaine
7
Main / Re: Hoping for your opinion.. Thanks
« on: January 19, 2008, 09:22:29 PM »
I have had realistic dreams of my husband. He died from a ruptured aorta aneurysm very suddenly 1 year ago on the 20th of Dec. In one dream he came and took my hand and told me how he felt before when he had the aneurysm and how he felt now, feeling so good.
Last night my daughter came over to pick up something I had bought for the grandkids. She brought my granddaughter who is 2 with her. Emma, my granddaughter went downstairs into the family room which my husband always called his domain and this room also has all the kids toys down there. She walked in with my daughter behind her and she walked over to his recliner, smiled and said "Hi papa". I came downstairs a couple minutes later and my daughter told me what had happened.
I then asked Emma where papa is and she pointed to the doorway to the bar and said "right there", and she waved to him and smiled.
A couple hours after they left, our dogs wanted out and one of the dogs walked up to the recliner with her tail wagging and stood there wagging her tail like she used to whenever she saw him when he was here with us.
I believe in the afterlife. It makes me feel good that he comes but at the same time it leaves me with mixed feelings that I can't see him and wish so darn much that he had never died.
Elaine
Last night my daughter came over to pick up something I had bought for the grandkids. She brought my granddaughter who is 2 with her. Emma, my granddaughter went downstairs into the family room which my husband always called his domain and this room also has all the kids toys down there. She walked in with my daughter behind her and she walked over to his recliner, smiled and said "Hi papa". I came downstairs a couple minutes later and my daughter told me what had happened.
I then asked Emma where papa is and she pointed to the doorway to the bar and said "right there", and she waved to him and smiled.
A couple hours after they left, our dogs wanted out and one of the dogs walked up to the recliner with her tail wagging and stood there wagging her tail like she used to whenever she saw him when he was here with us.
I believe in the afterlife. It makes me feel good that he comes but at the same time it leaves me with mixed feelings that I can't see him and wish so darn much that he had never died.
Elaine
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Main / Re: loss of my soul mate
« on: January 17, 2008, 07:40:58 PM »
Hello Blue,
I also lost my husband and soul mate in Dec. 06. It was on the 20th. We were married for 39 years, so I know the lonliness you are going through. We had 2 children who are now married with families of their own. He got to know 2 of his grandchildren and never met the last one born in July/07.
Life is hard without them and I know it is supposed to get a bit easier, but we will always think of them and miss them. All I can suggest to you is to do what I do and that is to take one day at a time and don't push yourself too hard to do anything you don't want to do.
I am still very emotional, how about you?
Elaine
I also lost my husband and soul mate in Dec. 06. It was on the 20th. We were married for 39 years, so I know the lonliness you are going through. We had 2 children who are now married with families of their own. He got to know 2 of his grandchildren and never met the last one born in July/07.
Life is hard without them and I know it is supposed to get a bit easier, but we will always think of them and miss them. All I can suggest to you is to do what I do and that is to take one day at a time and don't push yourself too hard to do anything you don't want to do.
I am still very emotional, how about you?
Elaine
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Main / Re: sudden loss of husband
« on: December 26, 2007, 11:20:24 AM »
Hello Mak,
I lost my husband very suddenly last Dec. just 5 days before Christmas. This Christmas reality set in and it was not easy. I went through the day with crying moments and okay moments. I chose to be by myself for Christmas day, just me and the dogs. I felt that way, I didn't have to wear the mask pretending I was okay. I watched home videos of him, which I shouldn't have done, but sometimes I just have to see him. We just seem to do what we have to do.
I had all sorts of "advice" from people of what I should do but I thought, you know, I am the one dealing with all this, and they don't know how it feels because they still have their spouse.
Just take one hour at a time, that's all you can do. We are on an emotional rollercoaster never knowing one minute from the next how we will feel.
Elaine
I lost my husband very suddenly last Dec. just 5 days before Christmas. This Christmas reality set in and it was not easy. I went through the day with crying moments and okay moments. I chose to be by myself for Christmas day, just me and the dogs. I felt that way, I didn't have to wear the mask pretending I was okay. I watched home videos of him, which I shouldn't have done, but sometimes I just have to see him. We just seem to do what we have to do.
I had all sorts of "advice" from people of what I should do but I thought, you know, I am the one dealing with all this, and they don't know how it feels because they still have their spouse.
Just take one hour at a time, that's all you can do. We are on an emotional rollercoaster never knowing one minute from the next how we will feel.
Elaine
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Main / IS THIS THE WAY IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE
« on: December 07, 2007, 08:46:43 PM »
Today is the 7th of December and in just 13 more days it will be the first year of my husbands death. My emotions seem to be running at a high right now.
I am flooded with memories of things that we did in days gone by of when we were young, why, I don`t know. If I go downstairs and I happen to look at something he bought, I remember when he bought it. I then think he won`t be buying anything more.
I look at the chair he always sat in at the kitchen table and will stand there just wishing to see him sitting there. I would love to hear some of his annoying remarks and to hear, `What`s for supper. I was washing clothes the other day and it suddenly hit me that I will never wash his clothes again
Last year at his time we had the tree up and all decorations were throughout the house. All of the presents were bought. I remember when the tree was up he poured himself a drink and sat there looking at it saying how good it looked. We were so happy.
This is the second Christmas without him and it hurts something awful. Is this what it feels like when the first year is approaching or am I just going over the edge.
I need some answers .........................please....................
Elaine
I am flooded with memories of things that we did in days gone by of when we were young, why, I don`t know. If I go downstairs and I happen to look at something he bought, I remember when he bought it. I then think he won`t be buying anything more.
I look at the chair he always sat in at the kitchen table and will stand there just wishing to see him sitting there. I would love to hear some of his annoying remarks and to hear, `What`s for supper. I was washing clothes the other day and it suddenly hit me that I will never wash his clothes again
Last year at his time we had the tree up and all decorations were throughout the house. All of the presents were bought. I remember when the tree was up he poured himself a drink and sat there looking at it saying how good it looked. We were so happy.
This is the second Christmas without him and it hurts something awful. Is this what it feels like when the first year is approaching or am I just going over the edge.
I need some answers .........................please....................
Elaine
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Main / Re: Wierdest Thing Happened
« on: December 07, 2007, 12:58:19 AM »
Crushed,
What a wonderful thing to find. I would have sat and cried my eyes out too. Ten months today for you and it will be one year on the 20th for me.
I will be getting rid of cookbooks too, just can't seem to find the interest in cooking anymore. Some of his favorites I don't know if I will ever be able to make again.
Everything that happens I take as a sign, they are there with us, just his way of saying I am here.
Take care..........................Elaine
What a wonderful thing to find. I would have sat and cried my eyes out too. Ten months today for you and it will be one year on the 20th for me.
I will be getting rid of cookbooks too, just can't seem to find the interest in cooking anymore. Some of his favorites I don't know if I will ever be able to make again.
Everything that happens I take as a sign, they are there with us, just his way of saying I am here.
Take care..........................Elaine
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Main / Re: I just don't care about Christmas this year.
« on: December 03, 2007, 11:32:56 PM »
I know what you all mean about this Christmas holiday. Last year I lost Clarence my husband just 5 days before Christmas. All the presents were bought and wrapped and I had to do it for the grandchildren. Everything was a blurr because we were all in shock.
BUT, this year Mr. Reality has come and I am finding it so hard. I don't want a tree or decorations and the music , oh, the tunes are what hits the heart strings. Clarence loved Elvis and I was out tonight with my daughter and I saw an Elvis collectable he would have liked. It was a Pez collectable limited edition that had 3 different heads of Elvis. I would have got it as one of his gifts. Then it hit me, what's the use he won't see it. I came home, had a good cry.
Yes it might get easier as time goes but right now, no interest to do anything. I forced myself to buy for the grandkids because they are too young to understand. I am so jealous of all the couples I see around our ages, not fair.
Elaine
BUT, this year Mr. Reality has come and I am finding it so hard. I don't want a tree or decorations and the music , oh, the tunes are what hits the heart strings. Clarence loved Elvis and I was out tonight with my daughter and I saw an Elvis collectable he would have liked. It was a Pez collectable limited edition that had 3 different heads of Elvis. I would have got it as one of his gifts. Then it hit me, what's the use he won't see it. I came home, had a good cry.
Yes it might get easier as time goes but right now, no interest to do anything. I forced myself to buy for the grandkids because they are too young to understand. I am so jealous of all the couples I see around our ages, not fair.
Elaine
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Main / Re: dreams
« on: November 15, 2007, 03:02:13 PM »
I have very real dreams about Clarence, and most of the time I feel so good when I wake up. There have been times in a couple of dreams that seemed so disturbing that have put me in a depression for over a week.
The dreams are very vivid feeling him, hearing him talk to me. I hate to wake up from them. I tell myself this is the way I will be able to be with him until it is my time, what else can we do.
Every night when I go to bed, I tell myself that this day is now over and it's one day closer to seeing him again.
Elaine
The dreams are very vivid feeling him, hearing him talk to me. I hate to wake up from them. I tell myself this is the way I will be able to be with him until it is my time, what else can we do.
Every night when I go to bed, I tell myself that this day is now over and it's one day closer to seeing him again.
Elaine
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Main / Re: Imagine...
« on: November 15, 2007, 02:52:33 PM »
Hi Trisho,
That was a beautiful poem, brought tears to my eyes.
Releasing balloons is a good idea. Clarence's 68th birthday was on August 30th and I released a bunch of helium balloons for him. It was all I could do, and it made me feel a bit better.
Elaine
That was a beautiful poem, brought tears to my eyes.
Releasing balloons is a good idea. Clarence's 68th birthday was on August 30th and I released a bunch of helium balloons for him. It was all I could do, and it made me feel a bit better.
Elaine
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Main / Re: Blue Christmas
« on: November 15, 2007, 02:47:57 PM »
Elvis's Blue Christmas was a song that Clarence would play once in awhile. Even when he was alive and here I couldn't listen to it without crying because I would think of the other family members we had lost. Now that he is not here, I know that I will NOT be able to listen to it.
The weird thing though is I have been in stores lately and that song just pops into my mind. I try to block it out but no luck. I will be glad to see the end of 2007 because it will be the end of all the "Firsts".
I think if we all stick together and help one another through, we will get through the holidays the best we can.
The weird thing though is I have been in stores lately and that song just pops into my mind. I try to block it out but no luck. I will be glad to see the end of 2007 because it will be the end of all the "Firsts".
I think if we all stick together and help one another through, we will get through the holidays the best we can.