Crisis, Grief, and Healing => Spouse, Partner Loss => Topic started by: Mareeeteee on June 27, 2018, 08:41:43 PM

Title: Spouse passed away 6/23/2018
Post by: Mareeeteee on June 27, 2018, 08:41:43 PM
My husband Gary passed away on 6/23/2018 after suffering from esophageal cancer for ten months.
61 years old; only hree years older than me.
Our 38th wedding anniversary was 6/21/2018.
He is Gary Sr. ;  Our first born son who died at four months old is named Gary Jr. (a long time ago)
Too much pain is surrounding me because it is all combined again.
Haven't even had memorial service or burial for my husband yet.

Does anyone ever get through this?!!???
Title: Re: Spouse passed away 6/23/2018
Post by: JustMark on June 29, 2018, 01:57:04 PM
I'm sorry for your loss Mareeeteee, not only for your husband but also your son.The first couple of weeks are always the hardest but yes people do get through it but it will take time. I know last year when I lost Gina, my wife I was absolutely lost for what seems like the first month. It could have been a little less. Sometimes things didn't seem real but they were.The grieving process is different for us all and some people seem to go through it quickly some people it takes time before we adjust. I still really haven't  fully gotten used to it yet but I'm doing a lot better then I was this time last year. At first there were times I wasn't hungry but I still had to push myself to eat something or get motivated to do something around the house. So you have to keep an eye on yourself. Also if you are not used to vitamins you may want to pick up some until your appetite gets back to normal. It doesn't seem like it will but, it will. Take your time no need to rush because you know it's going to take time. You will find a lot of the things in your house will trigger a memory or several memories both good and bad but probably mostly good. You may find rearranging some things may help after some time or changing things in your house somewhat. It's really hard to say what works and what doesn't so all I did was mention things that helped me during that first month. Also what helped me was our dogs. They come and check on me, got me motivated to take them on walks and helped gave my mind a rest from those continuous memories in the house that would flood in. I know ir's hard for you right now so for now just take it one day at a time and one step at a time.
Title: Re: Spouse passed away 6/23/2018
Post by: 4everdavidswife on August 07, 2018, 02:36:19 PM
I know how you feel Mareeeteee. My hushabd past 23 monts ago. Sudden, no warning!! Our 27th anniversary was June 20th! I miss him more and more every day.
Title: Re: Spouse passed away 6/23/2018
Post by: hockey2129 on August 30, 2018, 04:46:26 PM
My husband passed away 2 weeks ago and I am trying to figure out how to go on without him.  How long does it take for the pain to go away?
Title: Re: Spouse passed away 6/23/2018
Post by: JustMark on September 04, 2018, 10:57:29 PM
Well Hockey2129, I'm sorry about your husband. I know the first couple of weeks after Gina passed I had to keep myself busy with things around the house to keep my mind occupied and they were the hardest. I don't think I could go more then 5 minutes with out shedding a tear. It also seemed like time went so slowly. The length of time it takes to get over the hurt varies with everyone differently. About a month and a half to two months after Gina passed I started playing guitar after several years of not playing. Gina used to love to hear me play. I guess you could say in my case the hurt slowly subsided and I noticed the hurt for the most part wasn't there anymore. There are still times I do feel the hurt but it's not as intensive and what helped me cope through out all of this was this forum.The very first time I managed to laugh was on the first Gina's birthday after her death because I had remembered the first birthday I celebrated with her. It does get better and it takes a while. I think sometimes people rush it and it seems to linger longer for them but it still passes. I hope this posting helps you in coping or perhaps helps with insight. Some times it does help to start a thread and just let the words flow from your thoughts about what you are experiencing. So that others can give you insight from their experiences and suggest different things to try. I don't have many friends to talk to but another thing I found helpful was praying. I know a lot of people don't believe in God but I also know a lot of people that do believe in him. It did bring me closer to him and I received more comfort. I still pray on a regular basis and at times I not only sense him but also Gina. Since then I have gained a peace and serenity and a constant feeling that things are going to be alright.